Underneath a field, in the expansive burrows of Hoof Spots, many grim glances were thrown at one another, and a gray-and-black mouse herself was giving sad glances at the small hopper blinking at her. The young mouse cocked his head as she turned to Ketani, her husband to be. He was sitting next to her, and it looked as if he was seeing her for the last time. Or maybe the first.
“If you don’t make it through this battle…” Ketani whispered, putting a paw to her silver face, but Juniper swatted it away with a swish of her tail.
“Don’t talk like that! Hoof Spots has been nice enough to let us stay here. And look at what you and Brightwhisker have done just by getting us out of Wolf Plains,” she said kindly, motioning to the group of mice, eating the rations before them. “Even Edvard’s not complaining,” she giggled.
Ketani rolled his eyes. “Of course he isn’t. He’s got something in his mouth.” He looked down at the small pile of seeds at the centre of the table in a sad disinterest.
Edvard gave an annoyed glance, but the blond mouse didn’t respond. Juniper smiled jokingly at him.
Ketani looked over at Brightwhisker, and then back to Juniper and the hopper, who was busily sucking on his paw. “I’m not hungry.” He stood up, pushing the pebble chair behind him.
Juniper looked up in dismay. “Where’re you going?”
“Looking for Brightwhisker and Bansen,” Ketani replied quickly.
Juniper grabbed him by the shoulder. “I’ll go with you.”
Ketani stood up taller. “Wha-No,” he said, taking a step back.
Juniper nodded. “I’ll leave him with Morlyle.” She motioned to the hopper. “You can’t keep secrets.” She thought of her father, Agenta, as she said it. Maybe he was tactless, but that was because he refused to keep secrets.
“Agenta isn’t the Great-”
Juniper silenced him with a glare. She knew Ketani and Agenta were on rocky ground already, but with her father just across the table, she had to warn him somehow. And she really wanted to go.
“Fine. Leave the hopper to Morlyle.” Ketani pointed over to the brown mouse. “I’ll be waiting at the doorway.”
Juniper nodded thankfully at Ketani, and looked across the table at Morlyle, who if she didn’t know better, could be the hopper’s father. “Hey, Morlyle?” She took quick steps, trying not to bump into the other council members.
The muddy brown mouse lifted his head. “Yes, Juniper?” he asked, looking at the hopper climbing out Juniper’s makeshift carrier.
She finally got around the table, lifting the little hopper from his perch in the modified satchel. “Can you take care of him?” She smiled sweetly, holding the little brown mouse by her shoulder.
Morlyle shrugged. “Can’t see why not.” The sandy brown mouse paused. “Why haven’t you named him yet?” Again, Morlyle found a way to change the subject. “Barely bigger than a fleck, isn't he? Probably will grow bigger than that.” Underneath his breath, the blacksmith mouse heard him whisper, “He shouldn’t even be here, the little rogue.”
Juniper sighed. She’d heard that a lot, even though Ketani had found him only a day ago. But she just decided to ignore the last part. It wouldn't be worth the squabble, and Morlyle was known for his ability to start a fight. “Father didn’t name me until I opened my eyes,” she said defensively. Though what Morlyle said might be a good name.
“You opened your eyes seasons ago,” he shot back.
Juniper sighed. As much as he had a point, he had his ideas and she had hers.
Morlyle sighed in exasperation. “Alright. I'll take care of him. You go do whatever.” Before he could take the hopper, a couple ground squirrels snickered at one another, whispering into each others’ ears.
Morlyle leaned down, grabbing the young mouse yet keeping him distant. “Damn ground squirrels,” he grumbled.
Juniper nodded a thanks and walked around the table again, trying to avoid glances from the other Wolf Plains mice. “Er, sorry, Rozalin. You too, Pyrill,” she muttered clumsily, until she made her way to Ketani leaning on the doorway.. She smiled, “Er, sorry about that. I think I found a name for the hopper though.” She said, putting a black tuft of fur in her face to the side.
“And?” Ketani twitched his whiskers impatiently as he grabbed Juniper’s paw.
“Well, how about Flekkanos?” she asked, walking along with Ketani now.
“You’re his mother. His name is your mark,” Ketani said, closing his ice-blue eyes.
Juniper knew she wasn’t his mother. She couldn’t ever replace his real mother, although no real mother would abandon her son in a ditch, especially in June. June ditches were the most dangerous, when right after the snow was done melting, the currents from the meltwater were so strong that even a full grown mouse could get swept away. “Not exactly,” she said under her breath, but the blacksmith mouse, and self-named sootmonster, wouldn’t let Ketani hear that.
There were a few moments of silence, with Ketani peeking behind corners everywhere. Occasionally, he muttered, “What team of Burrowers built this mess? Honestly!” Finally, the two saw Brightwhisker and Bansen talking in hushed voices.
“Captain Bansen,” Ketani said, looking at the ground squirrel in front of the couple. Juniper met eyes with Brightwhisker, a golden mouse with pale yellow eyes.
The ground squirrel whirled, his barbed wire whip trailing behind like a tail. “Oh. Thank Cigol it’s just you.”
“We aren’t interrupting?” Ketani took a step towards the two.
Bansen nodded. “Course not. Why?”
Ketani scratched his one torn ear. “Well…”
Juniper knew exactly what Ketani wanted to ask. It was almost like some sixth sense. “Where is everyone? They on the surface?” The mice weren’t allowed above-ground since they came to Hoof Spots, and instead of being in trees or bushes like a traditional Wolf Plains complex, they were rushed underground.
“No-one’s on the surface, save the patrols. Everyone’s at the forges,” Bansen said grimly.
“Why?” Frozenmoon’s army was at least a week’s walk away. From seasons of smithing experience, she knew that weapons typically only took a day to make. Especially if it was glass.
Brightwhisker and Bansen exchanged glances. “Follow me,” the ground squirrel said. He turned to the starboard and followed behind a tunnel. It took a few minutes, with the captain finding his way through the labyrinth like he built it himself.
They stopped, and feeling his way across a wall, pushed the dirt in. It revealed a small room, and as soon as the mice walked in, Bansen had kicked the dirt back into a loose wall. “Mostly soundproof in here.”
Juniper looked at her paws and at the loose dirt covering her paws.
Bansen nodded. “They’re waiting at the bridge. Someone gave them a route.” He tapped the whip around his waist carefully. “And he must’ve been from your city.” He narrowed, flicking his head in the general direction of the bunks.
Juniper understood exactly what Bansen was saying. Somebody was close enough in with the army to give them directions. And that they hadn’t even noticed his disappearance. “Let’s hope he isn’t Wolf Plains.” She knew what she was stupid. Of course the spy was.
There was a small silence that met her words, as though everyone could agree that they should just pretend.
“Then that’s all I wanted to say,” The giant ground squirrel said, nodding grimly. “May the deities light your path, be they your great hawk or our Cigol.” Bansen pushed down the walls, and let the mice out. Ketani and Brightwhisker nodded respectfully, and Juniper curtsied. Which looked more like she crunched up and bent her knees but it probably got the message across.
She looked as instead of heading back to the dining room, Bansen headed further down the tunnel, headed to the dim orange light that was a telltale sign of a forge.
Juniper didn’t follow, but felt her heart lurch towards the fire. She was almost the trainer of that Guild, and knew the forges were a part of her. They always were.
She smiled at Ketani, the leader of the Burrowing Guild. She called him Muddy because of it. She felt a blast of sweaty heat from the dining room as soon as she turned the corner. “Holy Hawk,” she muttered.
A fight was starting to break out between the ground squirrels and the mice. Morlyle was at the head of it, black eyes shining. “Aye, so you think we’re all a bunch of…” The Guard mouse growled, splaying his claws out. He was on the top of the wood block table.
“Seed-eating hoppers!” a young ground squirrel shouted, sandy fur bristled. There was a shout of approval from the few other ground squirrels at the table. “You think you can walk in and get the full approval.”
Another ground squirrel piped up. “Aye, you ain’t fighting with us, what use are you?”
Edvard stepped up onto the table with Morlyle. “We’re more use to you than you could be to us! And you think we can’t fight?” the sewing mouse said, looking at Morlyle. He then turned around and winked at another mouse,Lena Silverclaw. The silver mouse rolled her eyes.
Ketani looked over to Juniper, who nodded. “Alright. Break it up,” Brightwhisker said. The governor glared at them all with pale yellow eyes. “You think us Wolf Plains mice aren’t helping you? Well right now you guys are all headed out to train. Be back in an hour. But hey, if you’re too busy duking it out to notice the damned army that’s going to strike in a few days, that’ll be fine with me,” Brightwhisker growled. “Just have fun explaining that to the Great Hawk.”
There was dead silence in the room, and Juniper walked down to the table, and motioned to the table. “Where’s Flekkanos?” she asked angrily.
Morlyle chuckled. “So that’s what you named the little bugger? He’s in a nook over there." He flicked his head to a crook in the dirt wall, and the hopper was nestled in there snugly.
He was absolutely silent, watching the battle before him with fascination. “He doesn’t need to be exposed to this, you guys," Juniper muttered, picking him up in her forepaws.
The young ground squirrel piped up again. “Better get used to it.”
Ketani glared at all of the mice, Juniper too. “Alright, animals. Get off of the table and go get your weapons. Get your tails to the training room.”
Juniper nodded, brushing her fur off. She lifted the hopper into the air, who smiled happily. He didn’t seem to cry at all.
Juniper looked back at the forges, and then at another tunnel, which had sunset light streaming in. “Sorry, Ketani. I need to get some air.” She muttered, looking back at the tunnel with the skylight. “I can miss training for a moment, can’t I?”
Ketani bit his lip, and after a second, nodded. “Alright, Juniper. You can go to the surface with Flekkanos. And I promise I won’t tell Captain Bansen.”
Juniper put Flekkanos into the little makeshift carrier. Waiting until everybody had left the dining room, she started walking down the tunnel. She took a look at the tunnel and then Ketani, who was walking down the tunnel facing away from her. She sighed.
She looked around, looking at the sky. She hopped up the ramp, holding Flekkanos steady. He whimpered a bit when she jumped up from the ground and onto the surface. Great Hawk, yes. She hadn’t been in truly fresh air for days. Thank the great hawk for the sun. She climbed up a rock. She sighed. She hadn’t really been in any type of air really. Why would she go back down to the tunnels? It was free up here, and the wind ruffling her fur felt near heavenly.
Because Ketani was down there. What would she do without him? Or quite frankly, the rest of the city? She still stayed at the top of the great pink-ish grey boulder, and laid down. “Come closer, Flekkanos.” She said, smiling.
He smiled, the season old mouse crawling in closer to Juniper. She smiled as he hugged into her back fur. She began to close her eyes on the stone that was warmed by the sunset light. She sighed, and soon felt herself falling asleep. Juniper completely forgot what she was supposed to be doing. Freedom just felt too good.
***
Juniper woke up to the sound of a hawk flapping above her. It was nearly silent, but when she looked up she saw the hawk circling above her. She eyed the brown bird warily, starting to inch to the side. She started to stand up, taking a sleeping Flekkanos in her arms. Thank the great Hawk he was light, far unlike this hawk above her. She waited for the hawk, remembering an emergency protocol she was once taught. As soon as the hawk came swooping…
Juniper checked to see if any patrols were nearby. There was one, all the way across the field. If she failed this, she might very well be dead meat. She saw on another rock in front of her, the shapes of three creatures. One a ground squirrel, and the other two mice. She saw the tall shape of Ketani, and then the stocky one of Rozalin, the trainer of the Burrowing Guild. Ketani looked around frantically, at least from his silhouette. It was too dark to see his colouring or anything, but the shape of him was recognizable. She then saw Ketani freeze as he turned in the direction of Juniper.
Juniper looked up to see the hawk swooping for her. She breathed quietly, waiting for the right moment. She felt fear seize her limbs up right before she wanted to leap.
This was the face of death staring her down. She saw the talons stretch out to grip her, and then adrenaline pumped through her. She leaped to the side just as the hawk was near the ground. She rolled over, narrowly missing the Talons. But she missed them too narrowly. She felt talons scratch her side and she gasped in pain.
The shrill click of talons on stone hurt Juniper’s ears. She twisted to the side as a shock of pain shot through her. The hawk cried out, and then just gave a silent glare to Juniper. She stood stock-still, hoping hawks had bad night-vision. It didn’t, but instead of reaching out at her with its talons it flapped into the air once more. It gave a shrill cry, and then one more sound happened. It was the sound of an entire army. Their battle cry was fierce enough to chill even the hottest blood. This was Frozenmoon’s army, and they were ready to fight.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hi, Mini! Guess this is my first chapter in my newest 21-part journey.

Let's dive right in...
Phrasing Suggestions:
This is such a strong first sentence. However, I'd suggest making it even stronger. The "Underneath a field...many grim glances" is excellent, but I'd try "could be seen" instead, and end the sentence there.
"Ice-blue" is a cliche. (I know, I know. It doesn't seem like it. But think about all the times that you've heard "icy blue"... a lot, right?)
You drop a lot of names on us in this chapter. I understand that it's a new story (and an exciting one, at that
Grammar Suggestions:
There are no real grammar mistakes here, but I'd go through your piece one more time out loud, just in case. I caught a couple of spots where you missed some punctuation.
Other Stuff:
You're such a great writer, which is great. The bad thing is that I didn't have much to say in this review... I can't wait to read the next installment!
Keep writing,
IronSpark
Heya MaddieMouse, I read this first part of this prologue and I have got to say,you have a follower for life.(that means forever-for the rest of the novel.) I see that you are a quick and very dedicated writer since you have written all the way to Chapter 21 in two months! That's an amazing feat so congrats!
Anyways,let's begin,shall we?
I have never thought of burrows of tunnels to be very "expansive".
Wait a second,what? Ketani was seeing her for the first time,but wasn't this her husband-to-be? Maybe this does have deeper meaning, like he was valuing or noticing her for the first time
How could Juniper swat a hand from her face away with her tail? I mean,how does a mouse reach that? This doesn't seem very realistic at all.
I'm pretty sure that it's "He and I . . ."
Capitalize Father since that is his name,right Maddie?
I don't think that Juniper and Ketano need permission to ask a question,or join a conversation. ^^ I don't know what kind of society they live in,but I do think that they have a right to their opinion and their speech,especially since they were being respectful the whole time.
Did both of them nod,at the same time?That seems kind of unusual and unnatural and I would change that so that they both had their very own unique facial expression/reactions to this information.
Ahem,here to give you a little grammar lesson on ellipsis here. A lot of writers make this mistake so I just wanted to clarify. When you write an ellipsis,this is how it should grammatically correct be formatted:
we're all a bunch of . . .
[space][dot][space][dot][space][dot]
Remember to have a space between the word and the first dot. This is very important!
Mouses growl? I think that you mean that mouses do something more like squeaking,right
<,< Dogs growl,so don't confuse the animals.
This is practically saying the same thing,and you don't need to repeat the obvious things that the reader already knows. You should delete one or the other one,whichever one you prefer. I personally like the first one better,but that is just an opinion so you can give or take
Now moving onto the general, I want to know who this "Great Hawk" is. I mean Juniper kept on referring to this and thanking this hawk. Is this like something sacred that is in her land of mice?Care to clarify,Maddie?
This story is so very unique and I really like this idea. It just piqued my interest and really drew me in, I felt like I was in another world.
I think that you could clarify what hopper and furry is. Are those mice terminology or the scientific name for the different phases of them,or is this just something that you made up?I am too lazy to research it and I think that you as the Author should explain this to us in the text so that everyone can know.Do you see what I mean,Maddie?
I was wondering,do all of these mice have such complex names? Remember,while naming your characters, don't make all the attention on them.Flekkanos,Ketani,BrightWhisker.etc.
Just another example of these unusual names. Do all mice in your story really have these types of names? I mean, I totally understand why they would have different names than humans,but remember to not make the readers pay that much attention to them.Just a suggestion.(Although, I have to say that the only name that I really liked was Juniper but I would like it if her nickname was Juni
Anyways,that's it from me,reviewing your awesome start of a prologue. I have got to say that your last sentence is the perfect cliffhanger,with a trace of regret and guilt from Juniper's side. I can't wait to read next chapters and I will continue reviewing this later.Hope that this review helps!
Sorry, I didn't catch this earlier. Thanks for the review, and I'll definitely be editing this thing soon.
Looking at those general questions, I'd kinda like to start saying that the Great Hawk is essentially their god.
Hoppers, fuzzies, and pinkies are the names of young mice. (It's actually snake-feeder mice terminology, heh.) Pinkies are like newborns. They're furless and their eyes are tightly shut. Fuzzies have just had their fur grown in and just opened their eyes. They still wriggle around a lot, though. Lastly, we have hoppers. They're furry, and they can run around like any adult mouse. They're just smaller and cuter.
The names, I can't really help. They get simplified with nicknames, particularly Rozalin and Flekkanos. And we also start hitting simpler names.
Thanks for the review, Pretzel! (Chapter 21 was the last, just so you know. XD)
I saw the recent posts, and decided to start from the beginning. I don't regret it one bit.
Original
Edited
“I hate it when you talk that way. Hoof Spots has been kind enough to offer us refuge. Look at what you and Brightwhisker have done, just by getting us out of Wolf Plains,” she said kindly, motioning to the group of mice; eating the rations before them.
“Even Edvard’s not complaining.” She giggled.
Original
Edited
Juniper nodded, looking around the table. There was murmured conversation, as there always was at any supper, though sadness was still heard everywhere.
“Maybe I can leave the fuzzy with Morlyle for even a moment. I’m your fiance, and I would like to know what you’re doing.”
Original
Edited
She eyed the brown bird warily, inching to the side and slowly starting to stand up; taking a sleeping Flekkanos in her arms.
Final Review Thoughts:
The action and the dialect still need a little polishing. However, this piece does grab interest with the very first sentence!
Hey! This is a really cool idea. I don't know many books that have this mouse-personification theme. It is a great attention catcher. I only have one nitpick because it is actually a nice rough draft/beginning.
You have quiet a bit of dialogue but it is a little stiff and thought out. Try to make it blend as if it were actual speech. And that is all!! good luck with the rest of the story.
Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Whoah, when I first clicked on this I was not expecting the story to be about mice. I've really only seen on average two stories that centered on mice, and even those... xD Well, they don't really count, as the main focus wasn't on a mouse.
Before I begin, I'm wondering as to why this is rated 16+ for violence? I can see that there is a bit of action here, but this totally doesn't need to be rated quite so high. I'd suggest putting it as a 12+ for violence, and that should be fine. Works with higher ratings (in my experience, at least), scare away reviewers, so they generally don't get as many reviews. So yeah, 12+ would really cut it for this prologue.
I see that this prologue is separated into two parts. What I'm wondering is if you could consider turning this into a first chapter? Prologues are typically pretty short, and also focus on an event that take place before the main plot begins to unfold. Unless I'm mistaken, this is set in the present for these mice, right? So the second part to the prologue and Chapter one will just slide into each other? If so, then I would suggest taking a look at some online articles (or in a writing book; one that focuses on such things) and finding out what qualifies as a prologue. In my experience, what qualifies as a prologue would be something that took place in the past. Something that leads up to the overall plot, isn't told from the POV of the main character, ect,... Basically something that will grab the readers attention in a flash, while still following these rules. Just a little research is all, is needed.
While reading I noticed there is a slight problem with your dialogue punctuation and capitalization. Let me show a few examples, and then how to fix it.
Here is an example of improper capitalization. Since she isn't a proper noun here, it doesn't need to be capitalized. Unless it's at the beginning of a sentence, it never needs to be capitalized.
What you have to remember is this: If going into a dialogue tag, and the tag starts with a name then you capitalize the name. If you are using a pro-noun (he, or she) then it would be lower-cased.
Here, we have an example of improper punctuation. Instead of a period before going into the dialogue tag, you would have a comma. I seriously don't know why that is (pssh, it's so much easier to put a period there, I know) but that's just a rule of dialogue punctuation. If you look at published writings, and examine their dialogue, you will see that they have commas there instead of periods.
If any of what I'm saying doesn't make sense, then feel free to tell me and I'll be happy to explain it further.
I did notice that you have a small little habit of using the ellipsis. Your use of it isn't actually that bad, but I would just caution you to be sure that you don't overdo it. During the first parts of this prologue, I counted around three or four times that you used it, so yeah, just remember to keep the usage of it down.
Matches shouldn't be capitalized as it is still technically part of the sentence. Example: that well... matches him.
Haha, I love this. Hawks usually have better vision at night I've been told.
So she just started a war? Between the hawks and the mice? If so, OUCH. I'll enjoy seeing the interactions between the two species in the future. I'll do my best to continue reviewing this novel, so I was wondering if you could possibly tag me or PM me when you post the next chapters? (Once I'm done with the ones that you've posted already)
This is a well-written story, so I really encourage you to keep writing it.
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Merci! I've made the changes to the punctuation and capitalization and lowered the rating, which took a bit of messing around. (After 3 reviews pointing the punctuation out, it's time to change it. XD) Thank you for the review, Therese! I'll tag you when I get the next chapter up. To the Green Room, I go.
Hello there! I'm surprised to see a prologue last so long in the Green Room, though I imagine the quality work has something to do with it.
What would happen if you worded it like so: "Their battle cry was so fierce it chilled even the hottest blood." Doesn't it sound more dramatic? The cry is not just able to chill blood, but it really does.Anyways, please allow me to review this.
First of all, you have excellent flow and a unique idea. The action versus calm-ish scenes have distinct pacing as well. You're already very good, so most of my comments will just be tips that you can use to give this an extra boost.
1. Make your descriptive sentences more "active." Right now, when you describe things, you often use words that imply state of being. But while this works, using things like personification and hyperbole will make the descriptions stand out and leave a greater impression. For instance:
2. Diversify your sentence structure. Almost every sentence in this piece starts with the subject. The only exceptions seem to be questions. And while the piece already sounds fine, the sentences structure can hurt your desired audience. (I'm guessing this is aimed at older elementary/middle grades.) Try starting with a dependent clause or prepositional phrase every so often; it will make your writing sound more mature, and make your target audience slow down when reading. (Don't do this in action scenes though; action scenes have to be fast.
I think that's really all I have. You've created an excellent piece here, and the world-building is fabulous. Rarely have I been able to jump into a war with so little background, yet still felt like every character knew what was going on. There are many things left untold as well, and their effects are shown in a way that makes me curious about them.
This is a fascinating piece, and I'll certainly be reading and reviewing the next two parts (which I believe are up already?). Until next time!
-Buggie
Hi! Here to review!
Nitpicks:
Okay, so I was really confused reading this. Should "fuzzy" be capitalized? I would maybe suggest describing a little of what this fuzzy looks like because the reader is kind of going, "okay wait, what?" (or at least I was o.o)
This isn't necessarily clear that it's her husband to be whom she's looking at, it seems as if she's still talking about the fuzzy.
This should be a comma after "Plains" and "she" shouldn't be capitalized.
Don't need the comma after "mice", the period after "them" should be a comma, the period after "complaining" should be a comma and "she" shouldn't be capitalized.
"Edvard" should start a new paragraph.
Just in general (for the most part), when someone says something and then you describe who is speaking, there should be a comma before the end of the quote instead of a period. For example,
"I'm tired [bold],[/bold]" Katie whispered [bold],[/bold] "Is there any food left?"
Are the hopper and the fuzzy the same thing?
Should be "He and I".
"Matches" shouldn't be capitalized.
"Other" shouldn't be capitalized.
Should be "must've known"
I feel like she should know this, since Juniper has had other types of training with dealing with hawks.
General:
So, I like this so far, I really do. It's interesting, you've got a lot of elements in there that catch the readers attention, and your plot is going places.
However, in my opinion, you need more description! The mice all kind of blend together, tell us more about what they look like, what the place they are staying in looks like, what Juniper herself looks like, how certain things feel to Juniper etc. One thing that always helps me as I'm writing is if I ask myself, have I used the five sense in this section yet? Have I told the reader how the space smells, how it feels etc?
Also, the last part of this seems kind of strange. It was worded a bit more awkwardly than the rest. I was wondering how Juniper started the war, exactly? She was just kind of chilling there, I don't see how that starts wars, but maybe I'm missing something.
You did have some great narrator development in here as well, which was nice to read!
Hope this helps your writing, I'll be looking forward to the next section!
Lemme know if you have questions!
~Hopeless Abandon
Thank you for your review! This helps a lot, and I just realized I missed the commas before the end of a quotations.
To answer the hopper/fuzzy confusion, it's a word for young mice. Pinkies are newborns, with no fur and closed eyes. Fuzzies have their eyes just opened and their fur has just grown in too. Hoppers are nearly adult mice, but still smaller and with shorter bodies. Admittedly, these are terms for snake-feeding mice, but I couldn't think of anything less fitting. So, maybe I should tell that hoppers, pinkies, and fuzzies are young mice.
For war-starting, the hawk was supposed to swoop down and take a mouse. As it flew up, it called out to the army, waiting for the signal. The hawk was being ridden by the queen of their army. So, she wasn't taken to the air, but the hawk still cried out. Juniper didn't start the battle, she just sort of... didn't know.
So, once more, thank you for taking the time to review this! Have a great day. (You use the [b ] [/b] for bold. No spacing... Just to help.. XD)
haha thanks! Yeah, I would explain the young mice thing.
I'll be reviewing your next section asap. 