z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Da Vinci's Servant

by rachellecarter


In the year 1500, directly on the turn of the century, it was told that the great artist, Leonardo da Vinci had returned to Florence, Italy. For a fortnight the peasants were often heard whispering with excited words about him. They were amazed at the number of great minds that had gathered in their city over the past three years, none of them leaving, only having more come. They all requested that da Vinci come and show himself along with the other great men. But da Vinci kept to himself. He never left the room he had been loaned by a wealthy family. And if he had, no person had heard a word about it. The rumors were spreading like wild fire throughout the city. Talk had started that the man had lost all sense in his head. That he only sat and painted, never eating nor sleeping. Though the city hadn't known the truth, there was one who did. A small servant girl, who had been loaned to da Vinci for his stay as his personal servant knew of his works. But she never had a word escape her lips.

"Girl, bring forth a glass of wine." da Vinci ordered the small girl. She winced at the thought of the man having the fermented drink. Her footsteps were silent as she scurried to the cellar. There were countless bottles, and da Vinci had not clarified as to which he wanted. The girl's hands shook as she reached for a bottle that he had previously requested. He had emptied in within the day. The girl knew the man was not a danger to her, yet when he became drunk, she trembled. She had reasoned that it was the choice of words the man had. Not a vulgar word would slip from his mouth when he was sober. Then while he was not, his words were pure filth.

She silently entered the room that da Vinci was residing in. She poured the drink into a goblet with unsteady hands, somehow managing to keep the drink in the cup instead of on the floor or on her dress, which was plain brown. As she placed the cup on his table, along with the rest of the bottle, she glanced at the papers in front of him. He gathered the papers and glared at the girl.

"Leave." He spat at her. She gathered her skirts and walked with haste. Once she was outside, her true master was in the hallway. He looked down at her with disgust and thrust a florin into her hand.

"You are free to leave for the evening." He said. He pushed her to the side and entered da Vinci's room. The girl slipped out the door and into the streets. She glanced around slowly, looking into the shadows. At the edge of the house, a figure stood, leaning against the far wall. The girl walked slowly towards the body until she saw his face. A small cry of glee escaped her lips as she ran to him.

"Eva!" He said as the girl embraced him. He was seven years her elder and had the same plain brown hair and eyes that she had. She looked up at her elder brother and smiled. For the first time in weeks, someone had spoken her name. And for the first time in days, she dared to speak.

"Oh, Vinicio!" Eva cried. As she was not yet ten years of age, the fear she had been feeling was immense. When her brother, Vinicio, had gone to another city to search for work, Eva had been told to stay behind. Vinicio had found her a job as a servant for a wealthy family in the city. He had convinced them that his younger sister was dumb and had advised her to not speak. This was to keep her safer than she would have if her master had thought she could share the family secrets she might overhear. Servants that were thought to have shared family secrets or that had been caught eavesdropping were whipped. Vinicio couldn’t let that happen to little Eva.

"Come Eva. I must go purchase food at the market." Vinicio grasped her hand and led her down the street. After he purchased a few cheap vegetables, he led his sister to a large building. As they walked in silence, Vinicio led Eva to a small room where he had been able to board for the night. The room was small, but private with only one window and one door. There was a small bed stuffed with cheap, and most likely rotting, straw. There was no other furniture in the room.

"Vinicio, will you need to leave again?" Eva asked quietly while nibbling on a vegetable she didn't know what was called. Its taste was bitter. She had to eat it though, or else she would go hungry until her next pay. Her pays were irregular. She had to get food and hide it where she could retrieve it at the end of the day without any other servants knowing, or it would be stolen.

"I must, dear sister. I must find work or you will forever be a servant." Vinicio stared at his small plate of food, that wasn't near enough nourishment for a boy his age. He glared at the food that had almost no taste. He knew it was unrealistic to want more food and better food. His father had been quite wealthy, but after his death, the money was taken by a lawyer. He knew he would never see that money, no matter what the lawyer said. It was most likely already spend away. After sitting in silence until it became dark in the room, Eva lit a small candle that she had found in her master's home. She had found it in the cellar, and after returning it to her master he gave it to her as a reward for her honesty.

"Eva, where did you get a candle?" Vinicio asked, his voice becoming hard. Eva looked down at her dress.

"It was in the cellar of my master's house. I brought it to him thinking that it was forgotten, and he praised me for my honesty. He let me keep it." Eva admitted. It had been several days since then. Vinicio's body became less tense for a moment. Out of nowhere, a man cleared his throat and Vinicio jumped to his feet and pulled Eva behind him. Neither of the children had noticed the man that had been standing in the door of their room.

Da Vinci walked in slowly, staring at the siblings. It was clear that he had had a glass of wine, but not enough to affect him in a way that would make most worry. He clicked his tongue at the two children. Vinicio tensed and kept Eva behind him, making sure she did not move with one arm.

"So you can talk, girl." he laughed, "I knew there was something strange about you." He walked in and thrust Vinicio to the side and grabbed the girl's arms. "Where are they?" he growled. Her eyes went wide with fear as she tried to pull away from the man. She pulled her arms but da Vinci just held her arms tighter. She kept trying to wrench her arms away, but out of nowhere, Vinicio threw himself at da Vinci. The momentum made Eva fall to the ground. She rolled away, grateful that da Vinci had let go to try to get Vinicio off of him. Soon, Vinicio was again on the ground and da Vinci was again walking to Eva. She ran to the far end of the room, but it was too soon that da Vinci was again within a foot of her.

"Where is it?!" His voice boomed. Eva shook her head and began to sob.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She cried. Da Vinci’s face hardened. Vinicio pushed da Vinci away and pulled Eva close to him.

"Lies!" da Vinci bellowed at her. She drew closer to Vinicio and cried harder.

"I didn't take anything! I promise!" She wailed.

"I know you have it!" He was screaming at her now, and Vinicio felt completely helpless. It was obvious that da Vinci was stronger than the thin boy. But Vinicio was determined, ever encouraged by the fact that it seemed that da Vinci had rehearsed the words that tumbled out of his mouth.

"What the blast are you talking about?" Vinicio yelled back at the man. Da Vinci's face darkened.

"My plans and inventions, you twit. My papers. All of my blue prints." He growled at her, "Where are they?"

Eva cried as she told that she had not taken them repeatedly. Da Vinci drew back finally convinced that she was telling the truth. He spoke a string of several vulgarities and stalked towards the door. Vinicio then left Eva's side and followed da Vinci out of the room. He grabbed the man by the shoulder and demanded an explanation. Da Vinci pushed the boy back into the room and closed the door. Eva sat in the corner of the room, still letting the tears fall silently.

"Do you have any idea who I am, boy?" da Vinci demanded. Vinicio shook his head defiantly and met da Vinci's eyes with an icy glare. The pride that flickered in Vinicio’s eyes did not go unnoticed by da Vinci.

"I am Leonardo da Vinci. I am an artist. A painter, a sculptor, a mathematician, an inventor. I am one of the greatest minds this world has seen. I am in Florence for a time to enhance my work. This girl," He pointed a finger at Eva, "has been working as my servant girl for a fortnight. She is one of three people who have been with me in the past week. The others are Sir Frederick and his mistress, who have both seen me on only two occasions. This eve, I retired to a local winery to rest my head and have a glass of wine. When I returned, the papers that I had been working on were gone. All twenty of them were missing. I searched the entire building for them and they were nowhere to be seen. Sir Frederick is an honorable man and would never lay a finger on another man's property. Neither would his mistress. The only other person who would have had any access to them was that girl."

"That girl," Vinicio gestured to his sister in the same manner da Vinci had, "is my sister. She has never stolen, and she has never been dishonest. She has been with me from the time she left Sir Frederick's home. We have not set foot on the street where you are residing ever since she was released for the evening." Vinicio's voice was firm.

"Do you expect me to believe that, boy?" da Vinci scoffed, “do you expect me to believe the words of a mere orphaned boy?”

"If you believe the truth, then yes. I do." Vinicio said with ease. His face becoming hard when da Vinci mentioned that he was an orphan.

Da Vinci leaned away from Vinicio and crossed his arms. His eyes were still on Vinicio but his body language portrayed the message of "You are worthless" rather than "I will be greatly pleased with your death". Vinicio relaxed slightly as well.

"Well then, child, I expect to know the whole truth. First you will show me proof of your innocence, and then you will assist me in finding the stolen records." Da Vinci demanded. Vinicio turned away in defiance and scoffed.

"I will do no such thing. Soon enough my sister and I will be far away from you." Vinicio replied without turning to face da Vinci. The artist didn't even flinch. He merely stared at the young girl with fire in his eyes. His eyes suddenly went back to Vinicio, who had turned back around.

"I will give you as many florins as it will take to take your sister to a different city, although I do not see what that will help." da Vinci told the boy. There was still fire in his eyes, but it faded when Vinicio nodded.

"If you will stay true to your word, I will help you." Vinicio said. Da Vinci was not pleased, but he nodded once and briskly left the room. Vinicio stared at the door until the owner of the room came in. How long had he been listening to the two children?

"Boy, you must leave in the morning. You are making a terrible amount of noise and I do not appreciate it." The woman said. She closed the door and was gone. Vinicio turned to Eva, who was still sitting in the corner. Her eyes were dry, but they were still red and wide. Vinicio went and sat near her. She did not say anything and neither did Vinicio. As her head began to drop, Vinicio lifted her from the floor and placed her in the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and contemplated the past hour. His head hung low with desperation. He needed the Florins so he could take Eva to a Catholic school for girls. There she would be taken care of. He feared that she would not go, but it was the best option he had. With a heavy heart he lies next to his sister and let his eyes and mind rest.

The next morning came too soon for the children. As the sun rose, Vinicio sat up and stared out the single window. His mind suddenly flooded with the realization that he would be working with da Vinci that day. His sister rose shortly after he did and ran her fingers lightly through her hair before braiding it down her back. A servant's braid. He hated that he had given his sister such a miserable load to bear, but she needed to be able to buy food when he was away looking for work.

"Eva," Vinicio said to her as they walked, "Even though da Vinci knows that you can speak, you must let your masters think otherwise. Do not speak, still. Do you understand?" Vinicio looked down at the small girl. She gave a single, emotionless nod, still staring at the road ahead. Vinicio walked into da Vinci's studio, which had a separate door to the street even though it was still attached to the house. Eva walked into the main part of the house and came to stand before her master. He ordered her to begin cleaning. It was obvious that he had not discovered her secret. She breathed a sigh of relief and began to clean.

Vinicio glanced back while he watched Eva walk towards her master. He worried for her as he faced the task placed before him. He walked into da Vinci's workplace and quickly noticed that the room was covered in filth. It was obvious that da Vinci didn’t care about the room's condition, but it made Vinicio sick to see the man sitting in such a mess. He did not voice these concerns before da Vinci threw a stack of papers at his feet. Vinicio picked them up off the ground, staying in a crouched position, resting on the balls of his feet. The papers were covered in names. Some were crossed off, some were written in dark ink, and some were circled. Vinicio looked towards da Vinci and opened his mouth to speak but the man cut him off with a raise of his hand.

"Those are the people that I suspect could have taken them. You'd do well to notice that our name and your sister's have not been crossed off just yet." He said darkly, "And perhaps they never will." The artist turned around and began drawing something hastily. He turned back around and handed Vinicio the paper. "This is a map of the city. There are twelve places circled. You will go to them all within the next two days. At every house you will show them the map and explain why you are there."

"Are you sure that these people will let me into their homes?" Vinicio asked. His distrust for da Vinci was growing with every word the man said. All of them sounded planned, scripted, and rehearsed.

"If they will not let you in, they are most likely guilty. If that is the case, you will simply have to enter through a window without their knowing." da Vinci stated plainly. "But I doubt that that will happen." Vinicio was shocked at the notion of entering a man's house without his permission. It would look like he was a thief. 'I need the florins' Vinicio told himself. He was unable to convince himself that it wasn't a sin. But he turned and walked towards the streets. But before he left, he lifted a small pen and small bottle of ink from a small table near the door. He knew it was stealing, but he would return them. He felt guilt creep into his soul because of the entire situation he was in. He would see a priest when the ordeal was finished, but for now, he had to make sure that he could get Eva into a better situation. It was for the greater good.

As he walked to the first destination, he noticed something on the map. The ink had a strange texture to it, but he quickly put the notion in the back of his mind, focusing only on his true purpose. As he reached the first building, he had no idea how to ask the owner of the home if he could search for a set of missing papers. He lifted his hand to knock on the door.

"Vinicio?" A beautiful voice said, with doubt, surprise, and relief filling every aspect of the word. He turned slowly.

"Natalia." He whispered with a voice thick with emotion. His Natalia. His first friend. His first love. His first loss. Before his parent became ill with a fever, he had bid farewell to Natalia, who was leaving to live with her father's sister. A fortnight after she had left, his parents had left him alone, with Eva, his eternal burden.

"Vinicio, what brings you to this house?" Natalia asked, approaching him with confusion in her eyes. Her hair was now a dark brown, which was the same color as her eyes.

"I am here on business. I am wondering why you are back in Florence. Your aunt lives in Venice. You have travelled far." He kept his voice formal and withdrawn. He couldn't let her know that he was at the house to act as if he was a burglar.

"My father requested I come back for a season to help. My mother has been taken by the fever." Natalia's eyes dropped to the ground and she did not lift her head again for a long moment, “And as you must already know, this is my father’s new home.” She gestured dramatically to her father’s house. Vinicio stayed silent.

"How are your parents? Are they well? And what of your younger sister, Eva, is she well?" Natalia asked, trying to remedy the void between the two children.

"Eva is working as a servant for one of the wealthier families in Florence. My parents were taken by the fever a fortnight after you departed to Venice." Vinicio kept his head high as he spoke of his parents. It had been three years. He felt shame for what he was doing burn his soul at the thought of his parents. There was no excuse for what he was doing besides that he needed the florins.

"I am deeply sorry for your loss." Natalia said.

"As am I, for yours." Vinicio repeated the condolence and bid Natalia farewell as he turned to leave.

"Vinicio, must you make such great haste to let me go?" Natalia asked, hurt by his abrupt farewell. Vinicio let his eyes meet hers once again. He quickly pulled the paper from the pocket in his clothes. He looked down at it and stared. Natalia looked at the ground once more and kicked at the dirt, "I suppose you do not want me to be with you, considering that I left you." She whispered.

"Do not think that, Natalia." Vinicio met her eyes once again, "I have much work to do and I cannot be late. It must be done by tomorrow at sun down or I will lose my pay." Her eyes brightened slightly but he still could see the pain that covered every inch of her being. He walked slowly towards her. He lifted one of her hands and held it for a brief moment, enjoying the way that she blushed at his touch.

"Could I be of any assistance?" Natalia asked. Vinicio worried about what would happen if he let her know the truth. He could not resist her eyes. They were wide and pleading.

"That would be greatly appreciated." Vinicio said. As he turned to knock on the door, she joined him and opened it. As they searched her house, Natalia’s father approached them with anger. Vinicio quickly explained and showed him the map.

"Yes, children, what do you need?" The man who answered the door said. Vinicio asked if he had seen a set of papers or if he would let him search his study for them, on da Vinci's request. The man quickly accepted at the mention of da Vinci, as did four other men that were in the houses that were on the map. The two children were nearly half way finished with the task, but dusk was settling. They continued to talk about the task at hand, Leonardo da Vinci, and why the papers may have been taken. They talked of how strange it was that a few of the men had not been taken aback about the request as had the others. It was as if they knew that the children were coming.

"Wait, Vinicio. May I look at the map that da Vinci has given you?" Natalia asked as she outstretched her hand. He placed the map in her hands. "Vinicio, this map is not accurate. You say this man is an artist, inventor, and mathematician. Do you not think that he would be able to draw a more accurate map than this?"

"He was in quite a hurry, Natalia." Vinicio pointed out. This was true. Da Vinci had been in a great hurry.

"But it is said that he can draw an accurate portrait of a man within an hour. That is, if he does not go into detail." Natalia pointed out. It was true. The man could have drawn a better map. But why did it matter how accurate the map was?

"Natalia, I fail to see what you are telling me this for." Vinicio said, as he continued to walk.

"What if he did it on purpose?" Natalia asked with excitement.

"Someday, you silly girl, your curiosity will get you into trouble."

"Please, Vinicio. We are both good at puzzles. We used to ask each other riddles for hours when we were younger." They had. When they were thirteen they had sat and told each other riddles. Some were nearly impossible to solve, and yet they always managed to solve them.

"For you, Natalia, I will look." Vinicio started with the most basic of tactics and drew lines to connect the houses. An even six sided figure was created and he found the center. As they walked to where the center of the shape should have been, they found an old, crumbling house. As they walked in, they saw it was infested with rats. Vinicio took a quick look around the house and announced that it was empty of anything of value. As he turned to leave, Natalia pulled him back desperately.

"We should look in the wine cellar. There might be something there." Natalia suggested. He sighed with annoyance and turned back to the house. As Vinicio made his way to the wine cellar, he felt his skin begin to crawl. Something was most definitely wrong. They reached the cellar and looked around. There were still several bottles of wine in the cellar. They too, were in the shape of a six sided figure. Natalia made her way to the bottles of wine and found the center.

"Natalia, it was a good idea, but I do believe that da Vinci only wants his work back." Vinicio said, turning to where they had entered.

"But Vinicio, I found a piece of paper." Natalia called back to him, "I cannot read it but I am sure you can."

Vinicio made his way back to Natalia and took the paper from her hands. He read it out loud. "Hai trovato il cerchio della grandezza." He whispered. "You have found the circle of greatness" he repeated. It was already dark in the cellar but what little light he had left was suddenly gone when he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head. Before he fell to the ground he was sure he heard Natalia laugh.

The pain was immense. Vinicio couldn't believe that he was bearing it without making a sound. He woke slowly, tied in a dark room. It was most likely night time because even the windows offered no light. There was a group of men standing in the corner opposite of him, although it was too dark to see who they were. As he sat in the darkness, he heard a moan. Then he remembered. Natalia. She had been with him. What had happened to her? He thrashed around trying to see another figure but he didn't. The sudden movement made the men in the corner aware that he was awake. Two of the men lit candles and placed them in the center of the room, letting a little light illuminate the setting. Vinicio saw the men that were standing in the corner were all of the men that he had visited. And in the center was da Vinci.

"Da Vinci!" Vinicio shouted, trying with all his might to break the cords on his wrists and feet.

"Well done, boy. You have found the Circle of Greatness." da Vinci laughed with an evil smile, "Although I did not suspect that you would. I thought you were just an ignorant street boy. Who could've guessed that you had been taught to read?"

"Da Vinci," said one of the nameless men in the group, "We cannot continue with this. He has to be rid of." Vinicio glared in the direction of the man and turned his attention back to da Vinci.

"Quiet, fool!" The artist commanded, "Don't you see? He could be the last genius in our group. He could complete us. His courage and wit could be useful." Vinicio looked at da Vinci, not bothering to hide his confusion, "Of course you must be confused. There is a reason you are here. Let me explain.

"When I was in my twentieth year, I had shown the world some of the greatest work ever known. I knew my potential. But then I went missing. No one knew where I was. But what they don't know is that I was finding other great minds. Other great men that could help me conquer Italy. We could be rulers of the greatest order. After we would have conquered Italy, we planned to expand our empire. We would conquer all of Europe, moving swiftly to the rest of the world. Once we had world dominion, they would all be placed in charge of one section and I would rule over them. Of course, if you haven't noticed, there are only five other men in the group. I needed six to complete our group. Six people to complete the six sided figure."

"What about the other eight houses on the map?" Vinicio interrupted; glad to be stepping on da Vinci's moment.

"Quiet boy. The other points on the map were only to make the shape. They were not important. Those men would have only been confused. But once one of these men got the word to meet, they spread the word to the other group members. You noticed the secret message in the map, of course, so this should make sense." Vinicio nodded, unsure of how he felt about Natalia showing him the secret message in the map.

"Was your work ever stolen? Or was that another of your lies?" Vinicio interrupted again.

"I would never let my work be stolen." Da Vinci glared at Vinicio, "Back to what I was saying before, I needed six men so I could be the supreme ruler, with these men to rule over their section separately as to make it simpler to rule. We were gathering to discuss the sixth member tonight. And as it turns out, I have the perfect idea for our last brother." His eyes went dark as they once again focused on Vinicio. Vinicio understood perfectly what da Vinci had in mind and was instantly panicked.

"I refuse. I will never be one of your evil puppets." Vinicio spat the words at da Vinci. The evil man only smiled.

"I thought you might need persuading." He gestured to one of his men who quickly left the room and brought back a person. Natalia.

"You think you can persuade me with her? You thought threatening her was going to help?" Vinicio laughed. Natalia shook her head slowly and approached him with caution. She put her head close to his and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Vinicio," Natalia said, "You should accept. You would make a great ruler. My uncle is already in the group. He will help you and so will I." She practically cooed the words at him and Vinicio instantly felt sick. Natalia was one of them. She had been with them the entire time. That is why she had laughed.

"No." He said coldly, anger filling his entire being. The single word had made Natalia's face harden.

"If that is how you feel then." She choked out, "I thought you cared about me enough to grasp your full potential instead of roaming the streets begging for work." She walked towards the door.

"How could I ever care about a witch like you?" Vinicio asked, with a dark hurt crawling into his heart. He wished that the words were not necessary but they were. And they were true. He could not care for someone with an evil heart. Natalia stopped dead in her tracks and turned back to him. A tear streaked down her cheek. She walked back to him and slapped him across the cheek.

"I hope you hurt for the rest of your life for not doing what was right." She spat.

"If you think this is right, then you are more ignorant than I would have thought." He said. Natalia walked away briskly, with her head held high. Vinicio choked on the pain that was surging through him.

"Boy, you have a lot to learn." da Vinci said. He waved his hand again and another man brought in Eva. She was shaking and looked more scared than Vinicio had ever seen her. "Either choose us, or choose pain." Vinicio let a single tear fall onto his cheek and slowly met da Vinci's gaze.

"I choose pain." He said. He knew it was what his parents would have wanted him to choose. They would have wanted him to do what is right, even if it cost him his life. But he was not prepared for what came next. The man with Eva pulled out a knife and slid it into Eva's back. Vinicio screamed louder than Eva did. As she crumpled to the ground, da Vinci laughed.

"You didn't think that I was going to cause you pain did you?" da Vinci laughed. Vinicio crawled over to Eva's motionless body and held her despite the bands that were around his wrists. He sobbed over her lifeless form and apologized over and over again for his foolishness. He had considered her a burden for so long, until he realized how special she was. Then he lost her such a short time after. She was not yet even ten years of age and she had lost her life because of another's foolish choice.

"I will kill you, da Vinci. Let the devils have your soul." Vinicio growled. He began cursing all of them and their mother's graves until da Vinci looked at one of the men.

"Vinicio, I wish you would have chosen differently, but you didn't. I would kill you, but that is not what I am here for. I am here to cause those who defy me pain. And if I let you live, that will be the worst pain. Knowing that you live and your sister is dead because of you. But of course I can't let you tell all of my secrets." da Vinci looked again at the man again. "Make sure he never speaks again." da Vinci and the other men left the room, except for one, who was walking straight towards Vinicio. The boy spat at him, but didn't get a chance to do much more before one cold punch to the throat left him in so much pain that he couldn't stop himself from fainting.

~*~

Three weeks had passed since da Vinci murdered Vinicio's sister. The men had all left mysteriously one night, and Vinicio knew they were looking for their final brother. But he was the only one who knew. As the boy wandered the streets, no longer able to speak because of the brute that had somehow damaged his throat, he thought of the moment his sister fell with every breath that he took. He thought to himself over and over again, 'This is what it means to choose pain'.


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30 Reviews


Points: 1385
Reviews: 30

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Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:50 am
Teacake013 wrote a review...



Hi rachellecarter
it's me teacake013 here to review.
I total love and enjoy your work it was more unique!:)

I'm not here to judge your work badly so don't worry.
I know it takes a lot to publish you're story to the world.

In you're work I was loving how you chose a da Vinci and I loved this new twist of a story.
You were so descriptive and your character POVs were excellent.
The drama and mood was perfectly fit and made this and even better story.
I completely fell for your character Eva.
I also loved how you put both points of views it was fantastic!!!
It was awesome and well thought out I only wound where you got this idea of this story.

Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!

Love, Teacake013




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107 Reviews


Points: 333
Reviews: 107

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Sat Feb 28, 2015 8:51 pm
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...



I'm Maddie, and I'll be reviewing your story!
Holy cheese. That is all I could say.
At first this story was from Eva's POV, which made me absolutely love her. She was so cute, and so sweet. She had a firm grasp on what was going on. THen when she met Vinicio, I was sort of doing the fangirly thing. You know, the waved hands and the goofy smile? Yeah. Heh. So, then you switch to Vinicio' Point of View. I don't know where it happened, but then it happened. So, now we're following through Vinicio and we meet Natalia, a young woman with a great dynamic to her. So they get the circle.
Then ssshhh...tuff gets creepy. Da Vinci's a psychopath, and a really well executed one, but then you do the worst thing of all. You kill Eva. That was the best and worst plot twist ever. It certainly had me going.
On topics of description, there was a good amount of it. Not enough to get readers bored, but definitely enough for me to get a grasp of what was going on.
Characterization, I loved it.
Overall, you have a fantastic story going on, and I encourage you to keep writing on it!
So, Maddie out!






Thanks!




cron
Doors are for people with no imagination.
— Skulduggery Pleasant