z

Young Writers Society



how a crimson kiss should be

by Maddie


"Thank you for seeing me on short notice" the young man said as soon as dr. foreman let him in his office. It was nearly midnight. And even though the good doctor didn't hold sessions this late, when the young man before him called, foreman couldn't deny him a meeting. The young man's voice held such resonance and desperation that it would've been unduly to refuse.

"Tell me what's been bothering you" the therapist asked. As the young man didn't mention his problem and said that it had better be not discussed on the phone.

Come to think of it he didn't mention his name either. The doctor watched his new patient start to pace in front of him. The doctor took in his slender yet sinew frame; his confident slow stride didn’t match the urgency foreman heard earlier this morning.

"I'm sorry but I didn't get your name" the doctor prompted his patient into conversation. The other man stopped short and tilted his head a little to one side.

"I didn't give it" he said" I presumed introductions were unnecessary"

Foreman began to feel uneasy. The tone was entirely honest yet, was there a scrap of malice hidden in his meaning? No. he seemed harmless enough. Yet…

Stalking towards the therapist the young man approached his chair. Before he could mouth any words, the doctor felt a shock of electricity and all went black.

The therapist regained consciousness, his head felt heavy and swollen but that wasn’t the least of his worries. He couldn’t move. He could feel himself lying on the cold floor of a strange apartment. The knot of fear inside him and all his other senses were functional but he couldn’t move even a finger. Filled with dread he knew what has been done to him.

"Curare" the young man's low voice rang in the emptiness" the same you, yourself used on some of your old patient. To feel everything around you and not be able to move or scream" he came into view, his handsome face lit by an inner wrath making him look as frightening as a hell's hound. He stopped abruptly the way he had done earlier in the office. He knelt on his knees and to foreman's surprise; the young man wrapped his legs to position himself above the doctor.

Edward foreman could hardly breathe. The beautiful youth who straddled his waist leaned forward his face framed by loose soft-pitch black hair and grey eyes were no longer a stranger. Perhaps it was a mere flicker of recognition but the boy caught.

"You finally remember" he leaned again to place his mouth against Edward's ear

"All these years I never forgot you "he said and whispered his next words

"I remember. Every. Single. Thing. You did to me" before Edward could try to push his failing voice to protest, he felt the strike of a blade go under his left collar bone.

The single blade was extracted again, dropping tiny rubies, and was struck under his right collar bone in the same fashion.

Chocking in dull pain and panic, he watched the boy lift a fore knife.

In the ashen light the instrument of death gleamed. His steel eyes cold and complemented by a satisfied smile he leaned forward on last time.

He slid one hand cradling Edward's head while the other hand gripped the knife's hilt.

Without any hesitation he delved the blade in his heart. Blood immediately gushed out of the doctor's moth and the young man drove his lips on the dying man's mouth.

Who ever said revenge is a dish better served cold the young man thought, hasn't tasted this. With blood flowing between them the once victim now avenger parted the other man's mouth kissing him thru, no along with the metallic crimson taste.

He caressed with red blooded kisses until Edward's life went out in a long rattle.


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Mon Nov 09, 2009 8:18 pm
LovelessSummer wrote a review...



Hello! I'll be reviewing your work today!

"Thank you for seeing me on short notice," the young man said as soon as Dr. Foreman let him in his office.

"Tell me what's been bothering you," the therapist asked, As the young man didn't mention his problem and said that it had better be not discussed on the phone.

The doctor watched his new patient start to pace in front of him, The doctor he took in his slender yet sinew frame

"I'm sorry but I didn't get your name," the doctor prompted his patient into conversation.

"I didn't give it," he said", I presumed introductions were unnecessary."

No. He seemed harmless enough. Yet…

Stalking towards the therapist the young man approached his chair.

I may be the only one, but this part confused me a bit. Is he going towards the chair or the the doctor? Both, maybe?
He knelt on his knees and to foreman's surprise, the young man wrapped his legs to position himself above the doctor.


I'm just going to stop there because it's the same problem. Remember your commas and punctuation marks! Make sure you spell and grammar check, and remember to use proper capitalization. Don't use "the doctor" so much, try to use Dr.Foreman sometimes. Don't forget to review someone else's work. Well, that's all. Bye-bye!
XOXOXOXOX
Summer Night





Irresponsibly-conceived assignments don't deserve responsibly-executed complies.
— Persistence