Published December 17, 2007
*I don't care if it sucks. It's what I'm feeling right now.*
Hearbreaks.
Headaches.
That's all Love is.
Breakups.
Breakdowns.
That's all Love is.
Feelings of happiness shattered in one night
All my hopes and dreams crushed without a fight
Why did I have to fall in love with you?
I want to hang myself.
I want to shoot myself.
I have nothing to live for anymore.
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140,912 Literary Works • 673,731 Reviews
well i liked it
I kind of liked the first verse, actually, but I think the second one went too far. You're being a little overdramatic here.
Might you be... bipolar? Check it out, por favor. It would make me feel better.
Then again, it's probably just teenage hormones. I know I sound like a parent, but seriously, you will get over things like this. Give it time.
Well, not to be insensitive [like Rigel ^_~ kidding!] but it isn't a good poem. It's more of a blog post.
I'm not saying you shouldn't write poetry. Poetry is an amazing way to get your feelings out and onto paper, and it really does help. By all means, do that. But poetry to read, poetry posted to be read and to critique, isn't like this. Like I said, it's more of a blog post. And from there, it's more like you wrote it to get the attention of the person it was speaking towards... *cough*
I'll critique it none the less. If you're going to write an emotional poem, from the first person, be sure your reader can associate with you and feel with you. Don't make it "Woe me, woe myself, woe I" No one cares about you. They want to feel something about themselves.
Of course! Poetry for healing is another thing all together; it is just another thing that happens to not belong in the poetry section.
In less critical words: I do hope you feel better. There is no point getting upset over young romances, because you aren't going to marry the people you date at that age, or really, anyone you meet until you meet the right one. Which seems obvious, but at fifteen (or seventeen, or eighteen...) you still aren't that likely to meet your one-and-only. It's practice. As cynical as that is, it is the truth.
The poem was terrible, but I hope you feel better!
Huh?
Heartbreaks.
A little too dramatic.
If this is what you're feeling right now, then I'm afraid I have ammo. But, for the sake of whatever, I'm "assuming/pretending" that the "I" here is a person called Domingo Careirass. The girl he likes doesn't like him in the same way. Why does he want to shoot himself over it? It'll pass; crushes always do. Why not add another verse where Domingo realises that said girl won't blight his life just because she hasn't said she loves him.
Does this help?
Mad...
Don't feel like this. Seriously. Gwen didn't mean to make you depressed...
Try to get over it; there are girls at your school, right? Just as there are guys at Gwen's school. She lkes you as a good friend and I know she feels awful about hurting you. So please get better!
About the poem though.
It's raw and jagged and full of feeling. That's good. But it's just the skelton of a poem. You have the emoition [bones=skeleton] but you need imagery and figurative language to make it more interesting.
Feel better soon!
-Ayra
Oh my god...
I am so sorry. I am the reason for this!
Oh god. Sorry!
Whey me...What did I do wrong? Is it because I like Taylor?