Burn: Part One Chapter Two

by MUTE
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CHAPTER 2

My stomach churned as I walked to school the next morning with Lance. I was too busy worrying to talk to him. He could probably smell my fear. "What's on your mind?" he asked. "Zane," I said flatly. "I told you I got your back. Don't worry," he assured. It made me feel slightly better. I saw him right by the doors of the school waiting for me. I scooted behind Lance even though I knew that wouldn't save me. I could see the fury in his friends’ eyes, but in Zane’s were hatred. I felt sick as we came closer. Zane grabbed each of our colors and then threw us down like a couple of rag dolls.

"Did you really think you could do that and get away with it?" he said. We were both to busy gritting our teeth together to say anything. He stared down at us, waiting for us to get up. Lance got up then he grabbed my hand to help me up. Zane looked over at him. "I can’t believe you had to have your little girlfriend back you up," he continued. He chuckled. "Why are you making fun of me when you got beat up by a girl," Lance said smoothly. I giggled and regretted it instantly. "What are you laughing at?" he asked. He got closer and closer until our noses were only an inch apart. "Answer me," he whispered.

"Leave her alone," he said. Zane’s goons grabbed him by the arms. I didn’t know what to say. Should I say anything? If I cut the wrong wire he might explode. I stayed silent. I could tell he was getting irritated. I saw his hand rise up suddenly. I closed my eyes waiting for the blow and it came. It came down hard on my left cheek. It burned. I put my hand up to rub it which only made it worse. Tears streamed down my face. I began to whimper. All I could think of was the pain. I stared at their feet. Lance burst out in rage.

"Don’t touch her!" he yelled. He struggled and struggled till he was free from their grasps. He ran to me. He pushed my long black hair out of my face to see the damages which filled him with even more rage. He pulled me back to my feet. Zane's friends were grabbing my arms now. "Leave her!" Lance yelled, but before he could even get close enough to me Zane socked him right in the gut. Lance curled up on the ground. He moaned. "No!" I yelled. I bent down next to him. I felt a sudden kick in the rib cage.

Now I was laying down on my back next to him. My face was cringed from the pain. I opened my eyes to see that his was too. They walked away chuckling. He opened his eyes to look at me. We were both tearing up. I got up. He got up right after. I looked at the doors then looked back at him. "What should we do now? We can't let everyone see us like this," I said. "We'll have to skip then," he said. I was hoping it wouldn't result to to that, but it was our only option. "Where do we go?" I asked. "We could go to the park. I mean, it's right down the street," he said.

We walked in silence. I stared down at my shoes. They weren't really interesting but I couldn't look at him while tears still lingered in my eyes. What brought me even more pain was the thought of my mother seeing me like this. She is going to freek. I'll have to think of a story. We finally reached the park. We plopped down onto the swings. My hair created a curtain between my eyes and his. He broke the silence. "So what's your story gonna be?" he asked. "I don't know. I could say I ran into a tree or something," I joked. He did a small little chuckle. I loved his laugh.

It always made me feel better. Laughter is the best medicine. I cracked a smile. "Why do they bother us?" he asked. He already knew the answer though. "Well, they bully me because I'm...different, and they bully you cause you're friends with me," I answered.

"Are you sure you want to be my friend still?" I asked.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because they are hurting you because of me. I mean, you used to be popular and stuff. Now you're at the bottom because of me," I said.

I was trying to hold back the tears. he reached over to touch my hand. "I'm never going to leave you no matter what," he said. "Thanks," I said. I felt more than thankful though. We stayed there for a while just talking. My stomache growled. "You hungry?" he asked. "A little," I answered. He hopped of the swing and picked up his lunch box. He handed it to me and hopped back on the swing. I pulled out the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he had in it.

What was I thinking? "What about you?" I asked. "It's okay. I'm not hungry," he said. "Come on. You have to eat at least a little bit," I said. I tore the sandwich in half. I held a piece out for him. Finally he accepted it. After we finished we started talking again. There was a long moment of silence. I hopped off the swing. "Well thanks for everything," I said. I swung my bookbag over my shoulder. I dragged my feet through the long grass.

I was only a foot from the gate when I hears him call to me. "Where are you going?" he asked. "Home I guess. Where else?," I said back. "Well there's this place I've always wanted to show you. I just never had time," he said. "Um...well...okay," I said. He snatched up his lunch box and dragged me away. He pulled through along sidewalks and through streets. In front of us now, was the woods. I plunged my foot into the ground as an anchor. I had never been in the woods before. "What's wrong? Don't be scared. Come on," he said and started dragging me along again.

We ran and ran and finally reached it. "Here it is," he said. He signaled towards an old tree house. He climbed up the latter. I could barely keep up. It was empty except for a red tool box which sat in a corner. The walls were completely covered with drawings of many people and faces. I stared at them. They had great detail and beauty. My thoughts were interupted by Lance. "Those are all my drawings. I didn't really have any other place to put them. I'd come up here whenever I was upset and it comforted me. So do you like it," he said. Besides the cobwebs and the dust it was quit comfortable and warm. "Yeah," I said. "Well, it's ours now," Lance said. He pulled out his pocket knife and carved the letters "B" and "L" into a small open space on the wall.

I looked at the letters and smiled. "Thanks, Lance," I said. I leaned against the wall. he told me about each face. Some were drawings of family and some were just people. beautiful people. I saw him stand up and reach for a drawing. He pulled it down. "And this one's of you," he said. He handed it to me. I stared at it. It did look like me except I was laughing. I rarely laughed. I was always living in fear because of Zane. "Keep it," Lance said. "Please," he added. "Thank you," I said. I leaned over to hug him. he was tense at first, but he finally gave in and wrapped his arms around me. After we had released each other I turned to pick up my bookbag. He turned around to pick up his lunch box. I turned spun around. Lance's face was only an inch away from mine. Now our noses were almost touching. I turned. "We should probably be heading back home. My mom will be home soon so we should hurry," I said.

I quickly climbed back down the later. He followed. We walked home in silence. I walked through the door and threw my bookbag down on to the floor. I peeked into the living room. My mom was sipping from a red coffee mug. She was sitting on the couch and had her face buried in a book. I interrupted. "Hey," I said. "Why are you late?" she questioned. I peared down at my watch. "I was helping my teacher with something. Sorry. I should have called first," I lied. She gave me a suspicious glare over the book. " Are you hungry?" she asked. "No. I'm kind of tired. I'm gonna go to my room," I said. I hurried upstairs. I watched the small television in my room till my eyes began to get droopy. I switched of the lights and threw myself into bed.

I still felt wierd about what had happened, or almost happened. He probably did too. I fell asleep thinking about what could have happened. I dreamed of what it would have felt like.

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SkyLore
Review
SkyLore wrote a review · Sun Jun 24, 2012 9:16 am

Hello, Sky here ready to review c:

Spelling Corrections:

Zane grabbed each of our colors #FF0000 ">Collars and then threw us down like a couple of rag dolls.


Nicks and Picks:
My stomach churned as I walked to school the next morning with Lance. I was too busy worrying to talk to him. He could probably smell my fear.


This part seems a little bit off. Rewording might help.

Example:
My stomach churned as I walked to school the next morning with Lance. The fear of speaking to him was so intense, he could probably smell it.


It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but something like that will do c:

I would also like to point out that it would probably be a good idea to space out your dialogue instead of having it in one big paragraph. Spacing it out will help the readers understand who is speaking, and it will be easier on their eyes.

So instead of this:
"What's on your mind?" he asked. "Zane," I said flatly. "I told you I got your back. Don't worry," he assured. It made me feel slightly better. I saw him right by the doors of the school waiting for me.


This would be more acceptable:
"What's on your mind?" he asked.
"Zane," I said flatly.
"I told you I got your back. Don't worry," he assured. It made me feel slightly better. I saw him right by the doors of the school waiting for me.


Overall:
So, that fight scene needs a little bit more work. I won't slander you for it, since I cannot write a fight scene for the life of me.
It's hard, I understand that.
We all must try our best :D
Plus, as I said before, please space out dialogue. It confused me as you switched from character to character because their dialogue was in one big paragraph.

Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes. We all make them ;) That's why we have YWS to help us through, no?
Overall, I enjoyed this piece, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Keep writing,
Sky.



The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.
— Anonymous