Published October 8, 2011
So where were you (?)
when I searched through the
fields, and found a demon (!)
twitching with death, and
screeching your name –
past Heaven?
Well you must have been
complaining: about a missed
admittance --> X
Another caterpillar missing
evolution®, you were crying
under your own failure* -
and your fever.
Humans can folly ourselves
disastrously, like the flow of
Zeus’ deluge (pagan imagery),
feeds an atheist (squalid) garden,
and swamps a preacher’s Swamped
soul.
So you were crying like
a flower turned from the
Sun, and drowning in
Darkness.
…
And I sit here
to judge you –
though I know not how
to and have no right…
Watch as my horse
runs over the cliff (skull and crossbones),
and dies a subterranean
miseries for all us
mortal (as in pithy) creatures and
our small tendencies.
Am I conceited?
I think not, though
answers can’t help
us when they hide behind
clouds –
the Moon’s vault guarded.
(Not for gold)
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Canary word: Present
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Just great! Very well writen poem, the rhythm just set me to ease and the rest just went on. These are the types of poems I like to read, the imagery was on spot making me feel like I was in a forest. This poem can go a far way I can tell, like the last review it was intresting and it even made me think. I hope to read more of your poems.
Keep up the writng.
Perfect!
Really good
I liked it a lot! The rhythm kept up well, and I didn't find myself tripping over any of the sentences. I couldn't find any faults with the ending, grammar, spelling or just the poem in general. It was really interesting to read, makes you think.
-Anna