Published July 15, 2026
Disclaimer: do not go into the cars of people you have just met!!!
Penelope Peamann is a pretty peculiar person. Personally, Penelope proudly preferred her perfect pear over Perry’s passionfruit popping pearls in his Boba.
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It was the first day at work! Penelope couldn't believe it. Admittedly, she had gotten the job long after she wanted to. Penelope’s plan was to get a job right after finishing university at 24. But then, her father got sick right after she finished school, and she couldn't even go to university! Penelope’s Father passed away a few days before her university applications were due. And she, a procrastinator, hadn't finished them yet. There was no way she could have completed them in the time that was left and the fact that her father just passed away. A couple months later, she applied to several jobs while still living with Poppy Peamann, her mother. She didn't get a single one. But Penelope refused to give up. She persevered and eventually got a job, which she was now going to.
“The newspaper! Oh, how exciting” Penelope thought while brushing her long brown hair. “I wonder who I will meet there" while running out she remember to bring her lucky purple pen.
She was almost late! But luckily, there was a young man that she ran into while running out of the house.
“Oh, my goodness!! I am SO sorry!” Penelope said to the man.
“No worries at all Ma’am.” The man said. After looking at his dark brown eyes, black hair and sharp, but not unkind, features, Penelope concluded that he was, well... handsome.
For some reason, he introduced himself to her and smiled. An extremely cute smile.
“I'm Perry Parker. I was just on my way to work at the Newspaper office. May I ask what a cute lady like you is doing out here this early in the morning?”
Penelope could feel her cheeks going red. “I uhm... I'm Penelope Peamann and I’m going to the uh... Newspaper office”
“Oh really? Should I uh... drive ya?”
“Uhm uh Really?? I mean, if you don't mind.” He was polite as well?? What wasn't perfect about this wonderful guy? Penelope was already making up delusional fantasies about their first date. No! Penelope you barely know this Man.
She then realized she had zoned out and was now walking side by side with Perry. Arm in arm. Penelope suddenly felt very awkward.
The car ride however was not awkward at all. Perry was extremely good at conversations and kept cracking jokes. When they arrived, they both left the car and Perry looked over to Penellope.
“Would you like my number?” He asked, which surprised Penelope so much that he added “Just in case you need anything else from the Newspaper office. I could maybe bring it to your home.”
“Oh... I don't need anything from there. I uhm work there.” she answered, “But I uhm... wouldn't mind getting your number”
Perry seemed shocked “wow you do? I mean, you work here? Well, would you like to maybe... I dunno... eat lunch with me?” he asked while getting out his phone to tell Penelope his number.
Penelope was too surprised to speak, so she nodded.
They sat down at their respective seats and a few hours later it was lunch time. Both Penelope and Perry had packed something fruit related to eat during lunch. Penelope had cut up pears while Perry bought a passionfruit boba from the store next door and an apple.
“So, you’re a Boba typa person?” Penelope asked Perry while sitting down.
“Ha! You're not?” he said and took another sip.
“No, I'm not. I make more healthy decisions” she said, putting a piece of pear into her mouth.
“I can see that.” he muttered non-chalantly. In his shoes, Penelope would have felt very awkward, since his shoes are much bigger than her feet (also she can't flirt)
Perry suddenly turned red.
“Uhm, W-Would you maybe... by any chance uhh.. Wanna T-Try so-some?” He asked Penelope while looking down and shaking his Boba on the table.
“of course!” she answered before registering what drinking from the same straw as a cute guy meant and pulled the drink towards herself and took a sip.
Perry stared, shocked about how casual she was about it.
“Mhm that's actually so good!!! I thought you had ordered with tapioca but the poppi - do I have something in my teeth?” she had to add that last part after noticing him staring. No chance she will be embarrassing herself in front of her new crush! Or was it future lover? She has to stop doing this soon.
Perry somehow appeared more flustered than before and muttered something under his breath. Even without understanding the words, she suddenly realized what she had just done. Oh crap! Was he angry that she just took his drink?
“Thanks” she mumbled, hoping for him to forgive her.
And then they had to leave because the office was closing. Instead of waiting to see if Perry would offer her a drive, which she really wanted, she ran home.
And that was Penelope’s first day at her first job.
Edit: heyy so as i said, this was for school and it was very rushed (done in 2 days i think) and i didn't do ny editing and just wrote what i was thinking without checking spelling that much. I now realise this should have been just a draft so i will be rewriting it with your guys' feedback and posting it when im finished.
Thank you so much for reading ❤️❤️
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Hello!
I think the opening is a little too telling at the moment. I am given Penelope’s entire history before I get to experience her first day with her, which takes some of the excitement out of the scene. You could start with her getting ready and worrying that she’ll be late, then bring in the information about her father and university more gradually.
There are also a few timeline details which confused me. You say her plan was to get a job after finishing university at twenty-four, but then explain that she never went to university. I understand what you mean, but the wording initially made me think she had graduated. It would be clearer to say that she had planned to attend university and find a job after graduating.
Father shouldn’t be capitalised here.
I’m also not sure procrastination is the best explanation for why she completely misses university. Applications can often be made again later, so I think you need a little more detail about why she didn’t reapply the following year. Perhaps she needed to stay home and support her mother, or her father’s death left the family struggling financially. That would make the situation feel more convincing and give me a stronger understanding of what Penelope has overcome.
I’m not sure how running into a young man helps her avoid being late until he offers her a lift later. At this point, meeting him would seem like another delay, so "luckily" feels premature. I know I wouldn't like running into a stranger!
I’d also describe the collision a little more. Does she drop her bag? Does the purple pen roll across the pavement? Does she nearly knock Perry over? At the moment they run into each other, apologise and immediately begin flirting, so the scene moves a little too quickly to feel natural. I doubt anyone would jump to flirting from something like that.
This is quite forward for someone he’s only just met. That may be intentional and it certainly establishes Perry as a flirty person, but Penelope doesn’t seem at all wary about a stranger immediately calling her cute and offering her a ride. Even if she likes him, I think a moment of hesitation would make her feel more believable as a character.
This skips over Penelope’s actual first day at work, which was what the opening promised me. I don’t see her meet her boss, discover what her job is, speak to any colleagues or struggle with her first assignment. Perry is currently the whole focus of the chapter, so the newspaper setting barely matters. I’d add at least one work-related scene before lunch. That would connect the romance to the main setting rather than making the job feel like an excuse for them to meet.
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This is a cute introduction! I am not one for romance, but I do like how you wrote Penelope going through this. I particularly like that she can imagine an entire relationship with Perry, but she completely fails to recognise when he’s flirting with her. That contradiction is fun! She comes across as inexperienced, excitable and a little awkward, which gives you plenty to work with.
My biggest issue is that everything happens much too quickly. Penelope meets Perry, accepts a ride from him, walks arm in arm with him, gets his number, has lunch with him and shares his straw, all during their first meeting. There isn’t enough time for the attraction or awkwardness to build, especially as Penelope doesn't seem to be well-versed in this. Slowing their interactions down would make the romance more realistic.
I would also like to see much more of the newspaper office. The chapter begins by presenting Penelope’s first job as an important achievement after a difficult period in her life, but once Perry appears, she barely thinks about the job again.
Thanks for sharing! Cheers!
Lipton
Hello!
This is a very hilarious story! I love the very "aliteration-y?" sentence at the start
I enjoyed the very awkward romantic setting of the text, and I really liked how it had bits and pieces of humour sprinkled here and there =D For example, how you made all their names start with the letter P, and this part:
Had me laughing at my screen for about thirty seconds XD
It's such a hilarious switch of metaphor and I love it! It's also really random, so it caught me by surprise and made me laugh.
It's interesting how the reader follows Penelope's thoughts throughout the story, how she likes Perry but feels awkward, how she's telling herself to stop fantasizing and how she doesn't really know what to think.
In this part, for the "SO", you could maybe just put it in italic - it looks more natural, and it breaks the flow less. Other than that, this part is very good!^^
For this part, "Really" and "Man" should be lowercase - the same for some other words in the text. Otherwise, I'm not an expert in spelling but I think that it's good.
The ending phrase, "And that was Penelope's first day at her first job." is also great: it gives a feeling of conclusion and ending to the reader, while also somehow reminding them of everything that happened earlier. Your use of repetition (the word "first") also works well here.
Another thing that works well is your use of third person, but I don't think that this is a very useful comment...
Anyways, I really liked this piece, so thank you for sharing and keep writing! Have a wonderful day^^
-HMMHhehe the potato
Thanks for the review!
I tried to make it a comedy and im glad that showed through and made you laugh.
About the capitalisation, i do honestly struggle with it since every language i know has different rules for it and i often get confused about it or i forget to edit it but i appreciate the sharp-eyedness (is that a word?) and will edit it now ^^.
I also wrote the final sentence as a way to say „This isn’t the end. Penelope will have even more experiences at work. That was only the first day“
Again, Thank you so much for your review and i hope you also have an awesome day ❤️
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Yaaaaay you're welcome! I also often struggle with capitalization in other languages... I really look forward to reading more about Penelope!
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