All dishwasher's know
Of the dishwasher's bane.
It's slimy and wet
And a terrible pain!
A dishwasher's bane
Is not one thing, but many.
And, on a bad day,
They can reach far past twenty.
The bane of a dishwasher,
A dishwasher's bane-
Is wrinkled old fingers
and a spoon down the drain,
It's mold and it's muck,
It's sludge and bad luck,
It's leftovers from the previous year.
It's scraping them off and it's suds-ing them up,
And wishing the end were somewhere- anywhere!- near.
It's sopping wet clothes and
Murky, brown water.
It's grabbing a knife- wrong side up.
It's grime and it's sweat- you're just getting hotter,
It's nausea- you're about to throw up.
But no more of this now, you are weary,
And I've told you enough, I can see.
But such is the life of a dish washing girl,
A girl with a bane- times three.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I enjoyed reading this poem! Its simple and realistic and I love the way you have presented us with a thought by simply framing it into a poem. I am not very experienced at reviewing poetry and I see that you have already received many wonderful reviews, so I apologize if this comes across as a little repetitive and unhelpful!
This was an effective start to the poem as it brings the reader into the heart of the poem from the very first moment instead of beating around the bush. I liked the narrative style of the poem that is evident from the very first line. It made it an all the more enjoyable experience for me.
These lines did sound a little repetitive to me. You are simply repeating the thought of the first line by rearranging the words in the second line. Until that moment, I was fully immersed in the poem and just moving along with the ride, but this part kind of startled me out of it. It does add to the narrative style of the poem, but at the same time, it feels kind of unnecessary and a waste of a line.
Overall, this was a truly lovely poem. I loved the fact that you did not just go on about the dishwasher's bane, but actually explained why it is a bane with examples that are witty and humorous at the same time. I enjoyed the rhythm of the poem - the words flowed very naturally and even though at times it felt as if you were exaggerating a little about the dishwasher's bane, it made for an even more entertaining read because of the narrative style of your poem!
Thank you for sharing this with us!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Old poem, but might as well review for the checklist challenge.
Great introduction. It jumps into the scene pretty quickly, but I don't mind it here because of the action. The rhyme scheme is pretty apparent from the jump, which isn't always a bad thing and it works with the rest of the theme. I'm a big fan of dishwashers, and my favourite type of poetry is actually those written about dishwashers or things found in a kitchen. It's fun to read something about the bland and see it made poetic.
Although I must say that "slimy and wet" is a pretty stale description. It tells the reader what's happening without really saying anything more. I get that there is limited range when working with a rhyme scheme, but still I believe something else could be added. I could say the same about the terrible pain part because you don't say much. Is it a pain because it is wet and slimy and hard to clean up? Maybe, but who knows?
Not sure what the last line means? I assume it's about the carrying capacity of dishwashers and that on some occasions, you can fit twenty dishes into it. That wouldn't really make sense with the "on a bad day" part though, as I would hope someone would think the more that can fit is better. And of course, I am not that familiar with dishwasher insides, but from a google search, most can fit more than twenty anyway.
There was a lot of uncomfortable images in the lines building up to it, but line break, then you're onto this. It's not a bad turn to take the poem down because it makes sense with the rest of the timeline and descriptions, but it's lackluster. What does nausea feel like? What happens when someone feels that way? Are there any other terms you can use to show the reader what's happening instead of telling them?
That's all I have to say. Happy RevMo!
-- chi
I have to agree that it is great to read a poem on here that is not entirely serious and moody, but I believe this poem does have a certain darkness to it describing the dishwasher's bane. I did not have a problem with the repetition because I think it makes the poem kind of escalate and build to the show the true point of it. Overall great job!!
The rhyme and rhythm were very good, especially in the beginning, but then it starts to deteriorate. I would retain the rhyme scheme you had in the beginning, and carry it out until the end.
Also, the first line, "All the dishwasher's know"
should be "dishwashers."
Good job though. I am very impressed at the way you took something as prosaic as dish-washing and wrote a poem about it.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, it's deeply apreciated!
Hey there!
I think that was an interesting read. What I will say though is that content wise I'm not really goign away with anything. I realise that the poem isn't really the type that has the indepth meaning in this case, but if it isn't for that I want to go away with a smile. Unfortunately, I don't.
I'm going to put the blame on these lines:
I don't mean to be harsh, but repetition like this is dull. I think if you're going to repeat something it needs to have a catchy rhythm or a punch of effect. Do you think these lines have that? I don't.
Hey this might just be me.
Any'oo besides the repetition I thought it was well devised, structured and punctuated; so you've got acceptional fluency.
Keep up the good work.
Ben
Hi! I really liked this poem.I, personally, didn't mind the fact that you repeated the phrase "the dishwasher's bane" because I think it added flow. That's just my personal opinion, but, well, ya. I loved the whole thing, personally. Awesome job!
--Dreamy
Hello! I like this poem - it's lighthearted and fun. However, I think some of your words are unneccsary. For example, here: "The bane of a dishwasher, / A dishwasher's bane-". The second line adds nothing new to the poem, so perhaps you could find something new to say which will still rhyme. This line also doesn't really fit: "And wishing the end were somewhere- anywhere!- near." Perhaps you could shorten it because it interrupts the flow a bit. One more thing, this part:
When I first read this, I got confused because "up" didn't appear to rhyme with anything in the stanza. Easy way to fix this is to move that last line up, getting rid of the blank line.
All these things are easy to fix, if you want to. Just some subtle changes that could improve how your poem reads. Have fun with it.
I'm not much of a poetry reader, but I enjoyed this. It had a humour to it that was refreshing amongst the slough of dark, moody poetry out there.
At first I thought you were talking about a machine dishwasher and was expecting the bane to be rice because it clogs them up. I figured it out prettty quickly, but it is a bit misleading. When I think dishwasher, I think of the machine.
This line sounded like it had too many beats.
I can't really help you further. I'm a poetry no-hoper, but I got fed up with reading prose for the review bash, so I thought i'd give it a go. And I enjoyed the poem.
Hello Kate,
I loved this, your description of what dishwashers do was really interesting. I have never really thought of it that way before.
I, unlike Snoink, like the repetition of 'dishwashers bane' etc. because I though it kept the rhythm and timing nice.
I loved the way it flowed and you could almost chant it
Well Done!
Keep Writing
~Lydia
Hey Kate!
One thing that kind of bugged me... your constant repetition of "dishwasher's bane" or "bane of dishwashers." You really don't have to say that all the time.
Besides that, I really like this poem! My favorite parts where when you described what sorts of things dishwashers do. That made me giggle... it's so true!
So more descriptions like that and less repetition and it should be fine!
It's a very interesting poem, and its well written, the only problem I have with this poem is this:
Now, I believe that there is no point in revealing the gender of the main character, its rather superfluous and it disturbs the rhythm of the poem.
Another thing is this:
I don't understand the meaning of these two words, not in the slightest.
Hope this review helps you, ab5986.
Thanks, Lily! *hugs*
I like your poem. It has a beat like a song and rhymes really well. I seem to chant it, as I'm reading, and I cant stop! it's worth repeating! ( see? now you got me rhyming and I usually not that big on poetry!) keep on writing!
