Published April 13, 2007
Why do you blame me,
shouldn’t you love me.
How can you say,
The bullies were right.
how do you think it feels,
to have your fears,
proven true,
by someone like you.
From you, I expected,
comfort, to be understood.
And what do you do,
yell accusingly at me.
Why can’t you see,
It was thee,
who broke me down,
not me.
I live in fear,
to see him again,
yet I know, I will today.
My heart is cramping,
I think you can see it,
but you never mind.
What do I do.
who do I turn to,
if not to you,
mother.
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I loved the topic of this poem. However, some of your verses were awkwardly constructed, such as:
Some of the rhyming seemed forced. Also, in terms of the punctuation, don't just have commas and periods. Some of your verses were questions, so put question marks there! (ex. first line)
As before, I loved the ending and how "mother" was all on its own.
As one more suggestion, I'd trying using stronger verbs. I think you did a good job with this poem, but I think you can do even more. Using more vibrant language will really convey the emotions to the reader well. For example, instead of "yell accusingly" you could say "bellowed" or something like that. Just a suggestion.
Good job on this poem, and I can't wait to see what you do with it!