Hi, MJ!
Okay. So I briefly glanced at your Part 1 of this story a little bit ago, but never actually read it, so I am quite proud of myself for finally getting around to it now. I thought I would like it, and I do. Well, at least what I've read of it.
Also, someone tell me why I love this sentence so much:
He was still shaking, but with that announcement motioned for his timid wife to bring in their extravagant supper- ham, sweet potatoes, and green beans.
I don't think you meant it to be funny, but for some reason I thought it was. (yeah, I'm weird)
Chief of Police just seems like some burly, loud guy who loves food, and Andrew some snobby kid no one wants to hang out with.
I had a problem with Twist. I like him too much. Your descriptions and the mannerisms you gave him just don't seem to match up with the fact that he killed two dudes (though not intentionally) and got in a nasty fight and slit some other dude's throat. I'm sure this guy does have a heart, but the whole "self-consciously touching the scar when it's mentioned" and "when one of the officers blocked him and he staggered part" and even this verb :“Where are you going to take me?” he asked, just seemed to well... weaken him.
I'm sure he's not some gangbanger or anything crazy like that, but I would think he would be much more harsher and coarser and even quick and nimble with the police, if he's been through some of the stuff his history tells us.
But this guy also seems pretty smart -Twist stopped struggling, so as not to pick up a charge of resisting arrest.) - so I dunno, maybe he purposely did some of this stuff. Or maybe my imagination's carrying me away.
The police also seemed a little too mellow in that arresting scene. Once more, maybe it had to do with your verb choice. I don't know if they've heard of any of Twist's past, and I don't know what their thoughts on the "assault" were, but they didn't seem very intimidating.
“Please cooperate, and it will go easier for you,” one of the officers instructed. He pulled Twist's hands behind his back and started to handcuff them.
Considering the fact Twist had just tried to bolt, these policemen are awfully polite with the "please" and "pulling" his hands back instead of well, jerking them.
One of the officers sighed. “Fine.” He took a deep breath, and continued.
What's with the "fine"? It wasn't that huge of a deal. Was it? Why were they acting like they didn't want Twist to know?
I get that you probably don't want to make the officers sound all mean and cold, but I thought they sounded too polite for arresting someone. Maybe that's what you were trying to do. I don't know why. But those are my thoughts for you!
Anyhow. I hope you found this review a little helpful, at least. I really only struggled with the characters, but your plot is moving along quite nicely. Have a great day, and good luck with the rest of the story!

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