A/N:This is a poem I wrote last night, and I'm not really a poet, so I would ask for a little bit of encouragement to be included in your reviews alongside your critique. This is written from a Christian perspective, so it makes references to Bible stories and is from the perspective of someone crying out to God. I hope you enjoy!
When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden,
I didn't realize what it would mean for us now.
How can we decide to let our hearts harden
Against our friends and neighbors, just how?
Evil has taken over our broken land
Oh God, we've really messed this up
I can't meet the standard you demand
But still you pour blessings into my cup
We're all hatin' our sisters and brothers
You only gave us 2 very simple commands
To love you first, and to love all others
Created our world with peoples like the sands
Now we discriminate, judgin' others by their skin
Ignoring that all are beautiful and made by You
Can't we just embrace our neighbors as kin?
We have made a distinction between me and you
We need different colors to paint the story
Of our world, and all are beautiful
We are all the same, no color deserves more glory
Than the others, just as wonderful and colorful
Can we erase this line we've drawn,
Or these rankings we've decided to erect?
And if we do, I pray that next dawn
Will bring a day we allow God to direct
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Oh My wow. I really just love this poem. As a christian, I love how you didn't lay it on too thick and from the racism perspective it's something everyone can relate with as it is a HUGE issue in todays society.
The fact that you made reference to the two most Imporant commandments in the bible gives me mind bubbles because some people really don't know how simple it is. And I love how it seems kinda like a prayer, a communication with God, pointing out just how abundant his grace is, because I relate too well with you on that.
I'm definately praying that prayer with you, Amen.
Good job Tucker, Please keep it up, and I hope God continues to bless you and further your literary skills.
Spreading God's love <3
Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback. Have a great day
Wow! This was an awesome poem that really speaks a lot! As someone who likes to paint, I really understand that we need different colors to paint a picture! Even if you do gray scale, you still need different shades to see the picture. Also, I think you are an awesome poet! ;3 As a Christian, I have thought about most of the points in your poem a lot, but you still really brought it to light! Keep up the awesome work!
Thank you so much!
I honestly love this poem, it shows you poured your heart into it. I am a catholic-Christian and believer. If we are really honest with ourselves, do we really love our neighbor? Our neighbor can be a friend, family member, or stranger. How can we say we love our neighbor when we judge ourselves? Love is an important emotion and feeling, and something our culture misunderstands a lot! It involves we take risks, and part of being a Christian is taking a leap of faith, not all at once but it's what makes our faith come alive. Thank you for sharing this! Keep writing.
Thank you!
Oh my God!
I just love it cause its so very beautiful and well-crafted.
Well done, Tucker....
Thank you so much!
This is beautiful!
I'm glad you liked it
I loved this poem. I love how it emphasizes the most important commandments:love others and God, rather than the little ones in Leviticus and throughout that modern-day Christians like to point out to justify their prejudices. This poem made love important, rather than the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner" mindset that has risen to the surface today. Overall, you did a great job, and I loved this. Please message me or something if you decide to write more. Thank you, God bless!
Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and if you want, I published something called "Masks" that talks about how society pushes an ideal body image on everyone and how we try and fit that mold. Thanks again, and have a great day!
Aww <3 I really like this.
Thank you for pointing out how wrong, well, sinful really, it is to discriminate someone because of the color of their skin. Like, that is SO not of God! I love that "no color deserves more glory than the others" part. I mean, amen! We don't worship our race - we worship God! Whooh!
Anyway. I was considering reviewing this, but I'm kind of horrible at poetry so I'll just leave this comment xD
Thanks for writing this!
Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it
Have a great day
Hi there!
Whatcha here, dropping in for a review that was well worth it
Whether Christian or not, this is such a good point. We're all equal! What do colours have to do with our ranks?
Okay, sorry, moving onto the review.
I just want to point out, first, that rhyming all the lines is super hard, and you did a great job of it.
Oh, before we get any farther, I'd like to mention capitalization. Personally, I think capitalizing the beginning of each line looks weird - I mean, how would 'Cats are cute, darling things, Made to warm the hearts of people, Made to eat food', or whatever, look? (Sorry, lame example, but still ...) That isn't saying don't capitalize after periods, though
But some people prefer capitalizing each line, so I'm not going to tell you not to, just to keep it in mind.
Next - hmm, let's see.
You seemed to forget punctuation in the second stanza
Same goes for the third stanza (punctuation, that is), and, actually, the next two. Remember to go over you poems - or any literary work, really - and look for punctuation. For example, if you're used to writing novels, you would know how annoying it is when someone writes like "Charles you dumbo" he said. Missing two commas. I personally find that annoying. The same is similar for poetry; unless you're writing with a broken style, ya need punctuation!
'Kay, moving on.
Question - what does
mean? It may just be me but it doesn't completely make sense.
Oh, same goes for
I take it to mean we are all making differences between races when there's none, really to be found, at least not in a negative way? But I'm a bit iffy about that.
Other than this, not much else to say! I generally LOVED the message you were trying to get across, and you did a great job of doing it. Very good, especially considering you apparently don't do poems often - are you sure you don't?
~whatcha
Hi Pearl, and thanks for the review! I didn't spend a lot of time on punctuation, so it makes sense that it didn't really make complete sense. "Peoples like the sands" meant that they were numerous. I originally had "peoples as numerous as the sands", but it made the line disproportionately long. 'Me and you' meant distinctions between our neighbors of different skin tones, so yes, you were correct
I'll fix that rhyme at the end. Once again, thank you, and have a great day!
You're welcome