Fallen Angel Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of the book Fallen Angel that I have already finished. I know the twists and turns, but I still want to know what doesnt fit or sounds wrong. I have edited it to death and back again, so I wont find anything anymore on my own. I have been writing and editing it for five years now, so please tell me if something sounds overly childish or just plain wrong.

Chapter 1: When life gives you lemons, slap it.

With a scream, awoke. It had been a long time since I had dreamt of my father's death. With a sigh, I pushed the covers off of me and rolled out of bed. I had a long day ahead of me. It was Tuesday and Tuesdays were fight practice days. Quickly, I took off my sleeping gown. Stumbling over to my cabinet, I grabbed one of my few dresses and pulled it over my head. From my desk I grabbed my golden ribbon and tied it around my waste. Yawning, I walked over to my simple mirror.

In it, I saw a relatively short girl with thick long brown hair in a mess around her round young face. Her chocolate-brown eyes were half closed and her shoulders were sagging. She rolled her eyes at the sight of her hair and started to tame the wild mess. With a grace and speed suggesting long years of practice, she braided her hair into two long braids and tied another golden ribbon around her head to keep the shorter hairs out of her eyes.

With a satisfied nod, I turned away from the mirror and grabbed my white sandals. I opened my door and carefully tried to sneak down the stair and out of the house. My mother and sister were two of the banes of my existence. My mother, for some unknown reason, despised me. She loved my sister and spoiled her rotten. I was left with the bare minimum that I required.

My sister hated me. She seemed to think that tormenting me was her reason for existing. I was constantly forced to live in her shadow. She had always been better than me. She was surrounded by men trying to catch her attention, was absolutely breathtaking, could charm her way out of every problem and inconvenience and seemed to have the easy life.

Carefully slipping out the front door, I walked quickly down Gold Street, one of the central streets. My mother and sister´s impressive ability to charm people into doing their will had given us our place here, despite our social standing. Our building was one of the oldest, which was noticeable in the cold winters.

“Good morning Fiona!”

I looked up from the ground to see Maria grinning at me, almost blinding me in the process.

She had waist-long golden-blond hair that shone in the morning light. Her face was extremely cute and had every mother fussing over her, saying that she was overworking herself. She wore the long white dress and badge of the Inventors and builders. They always tried to make our lives as well as our trading partners lives better.

Angels were not like humans when it came to aging. They would age normally, then spontaneously stop. After that, they remained that way for forever. Maria had stopped aging at the physical age of five. I however was stuck a hormonal teenager for forever. I was physically 17.

The physically young angels were kept from fighting and treated with care. Their minds stayed similar to that of a child. A part of them would simply never grow up. There were almost always debates on whether there should be a physical minimum age for marriage.

“Good morning Maria, what are you up to today?” I replied.

She smiled her innocent smile and clasped her small hands behind her back.

“I was planning your room today and was wondering how you would like it.”

I smiled. She was mothered by all, yet I was her only friend. My mother didn't like it, yet it was still good for the family reputation.

“Surprise me!” I chirped.

She grinned, jumped up into the air and spun around.

“Yeah! I will make you the best room ever!”

I grinned, enjoying the friendly, yet loud, atmosphere.

Without prior notice, her eyes widened and she assumed a honeyed tone.

“Aren't you late for fighting practice?” she deduced.

Uh oh.

I turned on my heels and started off in the direction of my doom. Turning back for a moment, I called back to her:

“See you after my death then. Will you come for dinner?”

I hope so. Although you might not like what we’re having!

She seemed to ponder for a moment before shouting back.

“If that’s what you want. I’ll be there ten beats after the last gong, as usual!”

In heaven there were four gongs a day. One to start the work day, one to start lunch as well as one to end lunch and one for the end of the work day.

With a grin, I shouted back.

“Can’t wait till then!”

And I couldn’t because I had torture sessions between said time and now.

In Heaven, the angels have many duties. As an angel grows older, the jobs that they have to do vary. The first years, generally starting at the age of 4 and ending at the age of 9, are spent at school, learning various things. The little angels are tested in different categories, to see what they are good at. After that, for the next 6 years, the angels are specialized in certain fields. In these years, the children are also taught how to fight. Their job is to watch over a human and try to keep him or her from harm; this is their job for the rest of the humans' life. Thus is the pact between the humans of Mayden and the angels of Heaven.

After the children reach the age of 15, they are assigned to Mentors for the next 10 years, which train them for their designated duties. I had been assigned to the angel pharmacists because of my sole talent. I had a way with plants. Every work day other than Tuesday, I had lessons on how to make medicine and how to recognize plants and what their properties are. Every Friday I had to gather herbs and plants. That was my favorite day of the week. I would rise early and fly to the forests of heaven or Mayden to gather what I could. What I couldn't find, I bought at the market.

However, I couldn't escape my duty to watch over Mandy, a human of the planet Mayden, even in the forest. She was horrible and could never keep out of trouble. It seemed to me that she would intentionally get into trouble while I was sleeping, just so that I would have to be woken to try and convince her to change her mind.

Despite my loath of what I call Mandy-sitting, I loathed Tuesdays even more.

Once the angels have passed the test at the end of their training, they start their duties as adult angels. Only once as they have passed, are they considered adults. If they do not pass a test, they must continue the subject till they pass.

To my embarrassment, I had yet to pass the fighting test, so I, at the age of almost 21, was forced to continue embarrassing myself every Tuesday.

In case you hadn't noticed, today is Tuesday.

I bolted down the streets, having to avoid tired angels on my way. I managed to almost trip over at least two children and almost knocked four people over.

And despite my running, I was late. Again.

I was dead meat. Sweating dead meat.

As always, instructor Newman came over to me to scold me in his gravelly voice.

“Fiona! You’re late.” He boomed.

His frown probably would have been more impressive if I didn’t see it almost every day.

He put his hands on his hips and leaned back, looking absentmindedly at everything but me, seeming to take notice of the disorder surrounding him.

“Oh well, at least we don’t need to clean up now.”

He used his sing-song voice, making me clench my fists.

Perfect. Let the sarcasm drip.

Newman was a very tall, middle aged man with thick black glasses that looked more like glass bottles strapped to his nose than things for seeing. He also had boredom written all over his face.

If I weren’t so bad at fighting, and late, I would probably have liked him. He had a very odd character and was usually bored to the extent that he had to act spontaneously silly. Sort of like saying that we were all eggs…

What that was supposed to mean, philosophers will probably be trying to crack for centuries. With a sigh, I grabbed the only weapon left and went to join the fun.

Training was brutal. I swung too hard with a wooden sword and almost beheaded a child as well as broke the sword into three pieces. Next I almost killed a toddler in that I swung, again, too hard and the sword left my hands on a killing spree. After that, I decided to just block their attempts to kill me with wood.

The training field wasn’t a help either because it was round and covered in fine sand. Every time my sword hit the ground, a cloud of dust rose and sent me into a coughing fit.

The weapon choice I had was also not optimal. I had to master the wooden sword before any other deadly tools. The wooden swords were too light, yet swords of other materials were too heavy. The balance didn't seem right either and I swear they were too long.

The result was similar to bowling with a ball that was too light. You fling it by accident and the ball bounces a few times before reaching its goal.

After three minutes or in angel slang, beats; I had about twenty bruises and five cuts. Of course, because I was losing as usual, Newman came to watch me. His face assumed the typical outraged-bored-man look.

“Fiona! What is this, don’t tell me you’re fighting!”

He gave me the fake-awe look.

Yes this is my style. It involves me and others surviving the day.

“I am doing my best.” I replied carefully.

His lips thinned to a small line as he responded.

“Best of what, trying to anger me?”

Of course! I have no other point in life then to start impossible missions!

He turned to wave over a toddler.

“Thomas! Show Miss Fiona how to really fight.” he sighed.

Uh oh. Watch out, pork chops coming at six o'clock.

“Yes sir.” I answered, giving him a mock salute.

He always had to show me how you really fight and I at least knew how to avoid excessive damage. He smirked at me, bent his knees and started his attack.

Thomas was a tall toddler. He had long black hair and a lot of bulk. That was pretty much all that I noticed about him in general, probably because I was too busy looking at the point of his sword.

He made me work to avoid said point though. I found myself dodging blows that should be illegal (and probably are). He aimed at my right thigh and I jumped back. His next target was my left shoulder; I raised the sword to stop it. Within a minute, I was panting and trying my hardest to keep up. He was barely sweating. Life sucks.

I lunged sideways and bent back, avoiding the bruise I would have gotten had the sword hit my hip. However, that put me ever so slightly off balance.

I saw it in his eyes before he dealt the blow to end it all. It was the ha-ha-you-lost-again look. However he shot me another look that puzzled me. It was a finally-you’ll-be-gone look. He was right about the first part. It was a simple jab at the knees but I fell completely off balance and tumbled backwards, and into: nothing.

It took me a moment to realize that I was looking at a hole in the clouds that I had just fallen through. I saw the children peering over the edge, screaming and pointing at me. Newman was in shock and the toddler Thomas was... laughing with triumph?! One of these days…

It was an odd sensation to fall. You felt weightless and ten times heavier at the same time. I could feel every bit of me being dragged toward the planet below but also being pulled upward.

I shouldn’t have worn a dress today.

Amazing what you think of before you die.

I tried to open my wings and steady my flight, but someone didn't want that to happen. I wasn't sure how it happened, but with a burst of pain, my right wing was ripped from my back.

The sudden loss of surface caused me to turn in flight, spiraling downward. Before I could go full circle, I saw most of my right wing disappear behind a cloud, drops of blood leaving a trail behind it. For a second, I thought I imagined an arm reaching out to catch it. However, before I could confirm it, I had finished my first rotation and found myself looking at the planet below.

Freaky how clearly and emotionless I saw and felt things!

As if in a movie, my dress was no longer white but rather red, no surprise there. It wouldn’t have looked that bad but I knew where the “dye” came from and felt something, nausea. At least I could feel, but wished against it relatively quickly. I didn’t even want to consider that if I puked, it would probably just splatter back onto my face.

I felt pain surge in my wing stub while the wind tried to grab the rest of it as I continued to spiral out of control. It came in pulses, making me writhe in the air. The sudden intense burning blinded me. I grit my teeth as I wished the shock back.

With all the strength I could muster, I put my hand over the top of the stub. I squeezed. I screamed.

I flinched, my body trying to escape the pain, my mind trying to stop the bleeding. It wasn't going to be enough. I felt my grip loosen unwillingly. My hand flew back into sight, droplets of blood following it in an arc of red dots. Slowly, my head tilted back and my body seemed to relax. The pain was still there, but there was room for thought.

Funnily enough, despite the pain, I thought about all the trouble I would have with flying and with having my dress cleaned. How would I get around? What would the cleaners say? Would they clean it or would I have to wear the ugly dress (the only other one I owned)? What would my mother say?

That part was easy to answer, bitterly I imagined my mother’s voice shouting:

“Fiona! What have you done now? You terrible child! If I had known what trouble you would bring I would have…”

As if I would survive this! Even if I did, I wouldn’t live for long in the barbarian world that I was being hurtled toward. My chances at living at all were slim enough.

The only good thing about living would be that I wouldn’t have all the work to do in heaven and wouldn’t be laughed at, at all. I doubt there would be anyone to do the laughing where I was falling. Maybe there is still hope for me yet.

I carefully summoned my remaining strength and pulled my left wing back in, stabilizing my fall a little.

The planet looked rather pretty; however I know from Mandy that it’s not a very nice place, monsters and beasts galore!

It was fascinating to watch the green forests approach. They literally zoomed up to greet me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to greet them though. I was pretty sure it would be painful.

Then, because of the pressure, I’m sure, I saw my sister floating in front of me. She stared at me, a smug smile on her face, and her hands on her hips. Her soft lips parted and her sweet voice said:

“I win! You are doomed sister. Doomed to be a loser forever! Ha!”

My sister was very pretty. She had long flowing brown hair with strong golden highlights and soft, sweet features. She had the perfect figure and was completely balanced and symmetrical.

“I’m going to smack your pretty face off when I get back!”

That whipped her smug smile right off her face. She frowned at first, crossing her arms, and then tried to hide a smile while she replied:

“If you touch me, I’ll become ugly like you! No, if you touched me, you would probably burn because you’re so horrid! Ha!”

This wasn't the best comeback, but I assumed that the horrific dialogue was mostly a result of shock. Despite the fact that I was obviously falling to my death, the Elaine before me couldn’t stand me. How sad. I can’t stand her either though so I guess it’s fair.

Elaine’s face began to swim and sparkle. Could she get any prettier?

Then she totally disappeared and was replaced by a blue cloud of sparkling dust. It wrapped itself around me like a blanket and my fall began to slow. I hate to say it, but it was comfortable! That’s when blood loss and pressure must have lulled me into unconsciousness and away from my delusions.