as a man

Hello, hello!

i wake up,
daisies blooming in a trail at my toes,
ready to put my head through
flowery wreaths throughout the day.

This is a very pretty opening and it immediately gives me a sense of dreaminess. I’m not completely sure what putting your head through the wreaths means, though. Is it meant to suggest willingly moving through a series of pleasant experiences, or wearing different versions of yourself throughout the day? I like the image, but I think it could be made a little more precise so readers can understand what the narrator is doing.

i am so constant,
my bold magenta leans to
neither rose nor violet.

I really like this! Magenta existing between rose and violet but refusing to lean toward either gives me a sense of someone who can’t be pushed into a simpler category. "I am so constant” is quite a plain statement compared with the more decorative imagery around it, but that works for me because it sounds very certain and self-aware.

I wonder whether "constant" is exactly the right word, though because the rest of the poem presents the narrator as drifting and unpredictable. I can see that contradiction being deliberate, but it might be worth drawing that out a little more.

i drift,
an unweathered cloud,
sprouting color
seeding painted
"abstracts"

I don’t think you need the quotation marks around "abstracts" here. They make it sound as though the narrtor doesn’t fully believe these things are abstract, or is borrowing somebody else’s description.

maybe you can classify me
as a different fairy wing,
yet i am still so tree-like and rooted

I’m not sure what "a different fairy wing" means. Is the narrator one wing among many types, something delicate and decorative, or a fairy whose wings make them seem different? It’s a lovely phrase, but it's quite difficult to picture.

The contrast between fairy wings and being tree-like is interesting because one makes me think of flight and the other permanence, though. It also returns me to the earlier conflict between drifting and being constant. I think this is one of the poem’s main ideas, but at the moment the different metaphors pile up so quickly that it takes me some effort to find the connection between them.

i do not fly for a
backhanded petal of beginning,
but the kiss helps.

"Backhanded petal of beginning" is a very confusing phrase for me. A backhanded compliment is something that appears kind but contains an insult, so I wondered whether the petal represents an offer of love or a new beginning that isn’t completely sincere. If that’s the intention, I think you need to give more context because the phrase is currently so abstract that it’s difficult to feel its meaning. I understand there's some commentary on gender and gender roles, so you could use this idea to explore that theme more.

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Overall, I like your commentary here! There’s a clear sense of a narrator who sees themselves as difficult to define, which could be understood in so many ways in today's culture. To me, it feels like the narrator wants to remain free and fluid but also longs for somebody capable of anchoring them. They’re wary of the damage that connection might cause, yet by the end they seem willing to construct something strong enough to carry its weight. There’s a nice journey hidden inside the imagery, which is nice for a poem.

I am left wondering in a few places, though. I know there is a kiss and some sort of beginning, but I don’t know much about the person being addressed or what they are asking the narrator to carry. The amount of imagery had me wondering where it all connects. The drifting cloud and damaged ship already work together quite well, while the flowers, roots and basket are obviously intertwined. I don't believe that poetry has to explain everything, and it's best that some metaphors here remain unexplained, but the abstraction tends to get very heavy here. I'd go over and consider what each individual image adds.

Thanks for sharing, cheers!

Lipton

Hi Ant! This poem intrigued me so I really wanted to share my thoughts in the form of a review for you!

This poem is full of beautiful imagery that feels so full of meaning and emotion to the writer. This sort of acts as a juxtaposition of the title, "as a man" which invites the reader to expect a more "masculine" tone or energy to the poem. Instead, the writing remains flowery, full of images of nature and whimsy that both compliments and goes against the title and initial expectations of the poem.

my bold magenta leans to
neither rose nor violet

These lines feel androgynous in nature, resisting the label and identification of one of the other. It emphasizes the narrator having their own identity which cannot be fit into a box.

The second stanza plays between the dichotomy of drifting versus being anchored. These images contrast each other, yet work together to show how the narrator feels as though they move freely with their emotions, yet wonder what it's like to have some sort of stability. The narrator loves to be free, and have their own identity, but begins to question the cost of stability or commitment to one "identity" or "another".

maybe you can classify me
as a different fairy wing,
yet i am still so tree-like and rooted

Again, these lines serve the purpose of being two contrasting images that work together to highlight the overall message of restrictions and identity. A fairy flies in the air, but a tree is in place. One represents freedom, drifting, and playfulness, while the other image represents stability and being grounded. It seems like the narrator is questioning their identity between the perceptions of others and the perception of themselves.

so dream me dreamy,
lips so full
of the right words,
i can weave a basket strong enough
to bear some weight,
some weight i guess i must carry.

This stanza solidifies the idea of fighting between the box people put you in vs who you actually are. I think this works well with the title as it becomes a question of identity and gender. It feels complex and not so one-way, and I think this poem does a good job at bringing up this idea and the emotional complexities it comes with.

Overall, I really liked the experimental take of this poem that discusses a topic so heavy in our modern-day culture. The imagery was beautiful! Hope to read more from you soon!