The pressure builds.
The anger grows.
Impatience flares.
I want to be alone!
Sit and think,
puzzle and ponder.
Something is wrong!
But what? I wonder...
The pressure builds.
The anger grows.
This day, my mind,
moving ever so slow!
Sit and think,
puzzle and ponder.
Leave me be,
Lest, I flounder.
The pressure builds.
The anger grows.
What's wrong with me?
No one knows!
Sit and think,
puzzle and ponder.
Alas, the secret
remains forever.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like this, I think a little longer length might have worked better to convey true anger, use more imagery.
It doesn't exactly sound like you're angry,it's more like a somber whining. As with your other poem, it's music and catchy and you've managed to use little imagery. Also, you sort of seem to tell more than show, kinda. I have a bit of a hard time explaining this, sorry. You tell us what you're doing but that doesn't really help. Your poetry seems to be a bit more personal, as in you know how it's all supposed to playout. Again, I think you should make it more relatable to, like stuff for us to connect to.
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1
(forgive any confusion, please, I am sorry if I've made no sense.)