Jet threw the front door open and ran down the sidewalk. He heard his mother shut the door loudly behind him. He was always leaving it open, and it annoyed her.
Seeing the bright yellow school bus slow to a stop down the block he pushed himself faster. He arrived at the bus just as the doors were opening. Nodding to the driver he pushed his way to the back and sat down next to Hazel. She turned to look at him and blinked sleepily.
"Morning," she mumbled. She had stayed up late the night before, finishing a project for biology.
"Late night?" Jet asked gently.
She nodded.
Jet put his arm around her. "Go ahead and sleep, I'll wake you when we get to school."
She brushed her hand away from her face and smiled. Her cherry-wood eyes sparkled. "Thanks Jet," she whispered and laid her head on his shoulder. Jet was Hazel's best friend, and her, his. He was like a brother to her, and he had always been there whenever she needed a friend. Her breathing soon became slow and rhythmic as she fell into a deep sleep.
* * *
Jet slung his backpack over his shoulder as the bus slowed. Not wanting to wake Hazel just yet, he picked her up easily and carefully carried her off the bus. When the chilled air hit her, she stirred; dazed at first.
"Jet..." she mumbled.
"I'm here," he answered softly. He sat down on a bench with her in his lap. He brushed the dark brown hair away from her face and looked at her closely as she struggled to return from sleep.
The breeze ruffled her hair, and it blew back in her face. Her eyes blinked open, and he marveled at the silver swirled into the cherry-wood color. He helped her sit up and her long hair fell past her shoulders. The light blonde highlights glistened in the sun, and the black underside showed when the wind blew.
Suddenly, he felt like he was being watched. He could feel the curious stare burning holes in his back. He twisted around and saw one of the freshmen watching him. As soon as Jet made eye-contact, the boy looked away nervously. The students here avoided him, they seemed afraid of him. It was true, he preferred to be mostly alone, but he did not like being feared. He was one of the biggest students, though he was only a sophomore. Standing at six feel two inches, and weighing about 195 pounds, he out-sized most other students. His hair was black and his eyes were shining silver. He knew that the contrast between his hair and his eyes could sometimes be quite striking, but still, people stayed clear. He glanced at Hazel, who was now rummaging through her bag, trying to find her math homework...
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
It was sweet but a little pointless. The first chapter should intrigue the reader, that doesn't necessarily mean starting off with a car chase or whatever. The point is, let the reader know why he/she should read your story. What's special about it? Show us!
Another thing, your characters are overly perfect. Everybody has flaws, and for characters, that's especially crucial. Flaws make them seem more real.
Hope I was helpful. I didn't mean to be harsh, these aren't orders, feel free to excuse my suggestions.
On to chapter 2!
Write on,
~Crazy
Im not exactly sure what to say.
You have potential, and I can see that, you just need to put in more description, but without over-description. Show don't tell, but put some showing in there.
That was confusing, even to me.
What i mean is elaborate, but not too much, so you over detail
PM me or write on my wall if you want that explained further,
Write On
~WickedWonder