Published April 11, 2011
He confidently strode into the room, his eyes were a deep dark brown that were slightly hooded by thick curled lashes. He surveyed the room in two quick sweeps and when he saw me he stoped for a second and gave a quick "once over" that sent a shiver up my spine. I wanted him to like what he sees. Seconds later, when his survey was over, I felt the magnetic pull of his lingering stare.
He was tall with a slim strong frame. He wore a classic striped polo shirt in warm green and tangerine and fitted denim jeans and sleek brown loafers. I even bet he had a cute butt.
His skin was a smooth warm dark chocolate hue. The phrase "tall, dark and handsome" definitely applied.
He was was clean shaven with closely trimmed hair that was the perfect frame for a beautiful face that was not be easily forgot. He had a strong nose and the most delicious looking full lips that were simply made for kissing.
He saw me staring at him and a slow sensual smile curved his lips to reveal beautiful pearly white teeth and sexy dimples on each cheek. But what made this man unforgettable was his swagger, his smoothness as he made his way across the room, purposefully wading through the crowd towards me.
My heart did quick somersaults as he came to stand directly in fort of me, arm outstretched and his big warm hands with long, neatly manicured fingers curled to enclose mine and smiling he said, "Hi I'm Dietrich."
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141,484 Literary Works • 674,519 Reviews
Hi:) first off i find the tense in the first paragraph confusing i think at one point you swap between past and present-tense which is understandable since writing in present tense is hard. I think you should read through this there's a few places where you've either added or left out words. Also you used the word "sexy" twice which shouldn't be done: a) because its colloquial and should only be used rarely and b) because you shouldn't use the same adjective's twice. However you describe things really well to the point where an image formed in my head and if flowed so keep writing