Inside of Me (tanka horror poem)

by Lucifer

Published October 24, 2005

Basically tanka is an asian style of poems. Here's the rules:

A tanka has:

5 lines

5 syllables on the first and third lines

7 syllables on the second, fourth, and fifth lines

Anyway.

Inside of Me

it’s in me, it hurts
tearing my soul out of me
the knife slits my throat
can’t get it out of my head
as my life ends, blood gushes

Comments & reviews · 6
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Lucifer
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Lucifer commented Comment · Nov 2, 2005

I'm moving this up.

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Lucifer
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Lucifer commented Comment · Oct 27, 2005

I'll try and change that last line then.

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Crysi
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Crysi commented Comment · Oct 24, 2005

Yes, but that's the fun of restrictive poems like this - it forces you to be creative. Work on it.

Other than that line, this was good. Thanks for introducing us to this style.

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Lucifer
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Lucifer commented Comment · Oct 24, 2005

You think the last line is weak? I couldn't really think of anything else to say. Especially considering I'm limited to 7 syllables on the last line.

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Sam
Review
Sam wrote a review Review · Oct 24, 2005

Certainly very uplifting! :P

It's an interesting style though, I'll have to try that sometime.

'as my life ends, blood gushes'

You had a really good line preceeding it then...flop. So, if you have time, I would change that. Get creative! or whatever junk they tell people. :P



Maybe the real Mariah Carey was the friends we made along the way
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