I open my eyes,
To see again,
Her face against my chest,
Before you it was cold,
Frost formed around my lips,
Then you planted that first kiss,
Warm as the sun on my own,
Which melted the frigid ice around my lips,
You smiled after,
With those pretty white teeth and laughed,
I was nervous as hell,
Yet that first kiss was devine,
Now ever hour feel like a second,
You are so much more than a pretty face,
You're my goofy girl,
You're my hello kitty charm keeper,
You're my Ocean,
My girl
*I was struggling lol
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Heyyy!! Here to shoot you a quick review.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Me being the intended audience of course I'm going to review this let's get into it!!
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
So I think this part means before me you felt cold. Nothing was good enough and you just craved stability and something to live for (sorry if that was tmi). When I gave you that first kiss the 'ice' or the pain and frustration melted away from your lips or own body. It was slightly hard to read because you put lips twice.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
You should change devine to divine. I know you struggled but please make sure you check spelling (no offense, you're just a silly guy who types too fast)
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Feel should be feels
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Okay, so this made me smile and cry at the same time. That was so sweet of you to say!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO FLIPPING MUCH!!!!!!!
You are so much more than a pretty face,
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Anyways that was an amazing poem and I can tell you really tried hard to make it for me. I hate to drop this info suddenly but I saw you writing it in math and I kinda had to stop myself from saying anything. But it was the thought that counted.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Love you Paris Boy!
Love, oc3an
Thank you, Ms. Salt Water lol
Hi there! I love the idea of this poem. It is very sweet
One thing that I love about your writing is how you play with this opposites idea. You talk about how you were cold, and you even had frost surrounding your lips. But it seems like this kiss from whoever you loved, almost melted that inside of you, which caused warmth. You compare this warmth to being like the sun, even! It seems like this person means a lot to you, and that they caused so much happiness to bloom inside of you.
I would recommend changing the word "feel" to "feels". And "ever" to "every". I found this to be so sweet! You go from talking about this incident of a first kiss to talking about what this person means to you in so many different ways. You talk about physical characteristics, combined with more emotional things that you have learned about them. This really ties into the name of the poem too. Overall, it was really sweet and I can tell that you put a lot of work into this!
Devine should be divine. I really liked this part of the poem because you give us some insight to how you're actually feeling on the inside. We get such a beautiful picture of this first kiss with this person that you care about, but I love how you take a moment to stop and tell us how you're so nervous. But even through these nerves, it seems like this person took them all away, and things worked out really well.
Overall, this was a short and sweet poem, which I really liked. It's an amazing tribute! I hope you keep reading, and I hope to see more soon too. Take care!
Your friend,
Ellie
thanks so much
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I know I am not the intended reader. However, I wanted to give this a read because the idea is adorable. With that being said let's get into this, shall we?
Overall this is such a sweet idea to write and dedicate a poem to your partner. I think that itself makes a good poem even though you said you struggled I think it turned out well. You paint a few nice moments between you two that show how much you care about each other. Plus I love how you tied the username in near the end.
I think poetry is great at showing a slice of life and poems like these are the perfect showcases for it. The small details like cuddling or the first kiss not only create a sickly sweet tone for this poem but add weight as we see what this relationship is like. A part of me wishes you pushed this imagery a bit more but that's more my taste rather than feedback.
Speaking of feedback I think it's time we get into it. Now keep in mind I am not a professional nor do you have to use anything I say. You are the poet after all.
This is going to be short as I could only find one thing to bring up.
There are a few small typos I think you mean something like this.
Regardless I wish you love birds luck and that you have a good day or night. Keep writing and remember to drink water!
thanks so much
Lulu you made a type hon