Happy now

I liked this, it was good. The ending was a bit dark, but I don't care about that sort of stuff. A few little things though.

First of all, where's your capitalization and grammar? "I" needs to be capitalized, but I'm pretty sure you knew that. Just a note, repeated offenders of basic grammatical principles have a tendency to be yelled at and shunned. So don't say you didn't know. (Not to sound mean, but when you're reviewing something it gets frustrating. Your piece didn't have any major problems, but when it's something where the entire piece has problems, it's irritating to have to add something so simple to the already long critique. It's also irritating when you have a piece like yours that's really good, and then the author goes and does it. It's just one of those things that makes you want to pull your hair out after a while.)

Second thing that you probably knew is that when you have an abbreviation you need to use apostrophes. Grammar is important! Grammar is your friend! Use it! Having to remind people of the basics gets tiring after a while! I don't want to sound too obsessive, but it's just one of those things that irritates everyone.

Your pain too much, so transferred to her with just one touch.

I'm not quite sure why the "so" is in there, and the line was a bit tricky to understand.

My tears they burn me, like a flame thats naked.
I lie up all night, wondering what id done to deserve it.

Not the best rhyme I've heard. See if you can find something else maybe.

Im still alone, but i dont drown in the silence.
The words they dont come, but i dont try to find them.

What happened to the rhyming?

Anyway, this was good. just fix those few little things and it'll be even better.

Lozzer2008 wrote:Im left here alone, drowning in silence.
But the words they dont come, im defying science.
My tears they roll down, i cant seem to block them.
My heart it beats slow, its almost stopping.


and youuu, you sit with a smile.
my pain, has made you feel good for a while.


Are you happy now? Your hurt transferred, from person to person in just a few words.
Are you happy now? With what started as a game, a way to slowly ease your own pain.
Are you happy with all the things youve done in your life?
Do you think its right?

Im left here crying, your words cut me so deep.
They go over and over, in my head so i dont sleep.
My tears they burn me, like a flame thats naked.
I lie up all night, wondering what id done to deserve it.


and youuu, you sit with a smile.
my pain, has made you feel good for a while.


Are you happy now? Your hurt transferred, from person to person in just a few words.
Are you happy now? With what started as a game, a way to slowly ease your own pain.
Are you happy with all the things youve done in your life?
Do you think its right?


Im still alone, but i dont drown in the silence.
The words they dont come, but i dont try to find them.
The tears have run out, so i dont waste time blocking.
As i arch back in pain as my heart starts stopping.


Are you happy now?
Your pain too much, so transferred to her with just one touch.
Are you happy now?
With her mum who cries, because her little girl believed your own lies.
Are you happy now that she took her own life?
Do you think it's right?
Do you think its right?

Okay...so I really like the lyrics.
They had a nice rhythm to it. I could hear the song in my head, which is good.

Overall the song was good...




Keep writing..


~ Anshita