it runs a canyon
down my heart
welling life
within my ribcage
waves spilling
over reservoir edges
across long plains
of freckled skin
the feel of
things growing joyful
in the desert outside
a cosmic coming.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey Lovestrike! I am loving your April poetry that you recently posted - you've got a great poetic voice, and some strong moving imagery in here.
I'm intrigued that the poem starts almost mid-thought "it runs a canyon down my heart" immediately making the reader wonder... what is the subject? this continues through the rest of the poem where we don't really get the beginning of where this line trails to. The beginning mid-sentence is a good technique to draw the reader into the story though.
For me, the poem had some really gorgeous combinations of landscape + body imagery "willing life within my ribcage / spilling over reservoir edges" is a great set of lines. However I felt a little confused and lost by the time I got through to the final stanza about what exactly the "feeling" the poem was about. The narrator names "growing joyful" but they seem to be at a distance from the joy - and then the cosmic image in the final stanza felt out of place against the drought / sand / waters / plains imagery from prior in the poem.
If I had to throw an interpretation at this poem - my main problem is not having a clue what "it" is at the beginning there - perhaps your title could give more clarity there? It seems like whatever the "it" is something that causes life / respite amidst a life that feels more like a desert / drought - but whatever that "it" is - we as readers have no hints. Maybe it's a love, or a drink, or a habit, or a vacation, or a philosophy, or a god, or a good book?
I liked your phrasing and minimalist punctuation / capitalization choices - the only place that felt a little odd for phrasing is it seems like in the final stanza, "the feel of" -> seems like "feel" would read smoother as "feeling"?
Nice use of consonance throughout the middle stanza. with "welling / within /waves" and "ribcage / over reservoir" and "of freckled" etc.
Overall, I enjoyed the read and that I could puzzle through the meaning here for a bit - personally my preference would be to go a tad less ambiguous perhaps. Very beautiful phrasing and imagery here though!
Keep on writing!
alliyah
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hello, I hope you're having a wonderful day! I'm here to leave a quick review on this lovely poem of yours.
This is a very short poem that packs a lot of punch to it. I really like this format. You use enough words to fill the imagery without being too vague about it. I also like the lack of capitalization and punctuation. This could probably work as a prose poem without the line breaks. I interpret this poem as breaking out of sadness and finding joy again through what makes you happy.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this!