Published January 20, 2010
((Sorry. Had to edit this out. It was old anyway! Haha.))
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,455 Literary Works • 674,467 Reviews
I love this but at the end it should be either the sound of a baby or the sound of babies, you put the sound of a babies. I really really liked this! ") (side smile) Please Pm me when next chapter is up
~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Insanity and Chocolate
This is really good! Just a few things I have comments on:
Do you mean lost love? If not, then I recommend some sort of break in between loss and love, like a hyphen or a semi-colon or even a period.First,
And, (sorry if I'm nit-picking) here: do you mean I or it? If you mean it then take off the "let it."
You keep on switching from past tense to present tense. Either one is fine in my opinion, just stick to it. That's all for my nit-picking.