Young Writers Society

WOW! Ok, thank you. I never expected a review like that. This helps me SO much. I mean, new ideas came through my head. I am going to try to write another scene with Mary. I will have to do some more reediting. I also would love for you to review my short one act play "The Rerun." That was the first play type thing I ever wrote. Thanks.

Josh

First things first. Italicize your stage directions so we can pick them out, and try to put your character's names in bold or CAPS. Now, on to the play:

[spoiler]The cast
Samantha-The Psychologist
Mary-The Friend
Bill-Prince Charming
Jill-The Daughter
Betty-The Nut
Brian-The Brat
Sherry-The Mother
Act one
Scene one

I immediately wasn't too happy with your character descriptions. You've got caricatures, not characters. With caricatures, we know exactly how they'll act. With characters, we don't, and that's where the suspense ought to come from.

Betty: SO….it’s...it’s...OVER! I said NO! He said...YES….and...awabada...(Mumbling)

(Cries are heard in the black out. Cries of Betty, a woman going through many problems. The lights come up to reveal an office, the office of Samantha Woods, a well trained psychologist, who “seems” to have everything together. She sits at her desk nodding, through her glasses, listening to the mumbling and crying of Betty. She has a clipboard where she has been taking notes, and there is a timer on her desk with other knickknacks that express who Sam is, a well conserved, happy person. Betty, the woman across from her, is sitting on the couch and cannot stop crying, with a tissue in her hand, that is quite damp. Samantha, having dealt with people like her, leans in and takes
Betty's hand.) Remember that you're writing a script and not a short story. All background info comes at the beginning.

Samantha– I understand. He, Charles, clearly is confused about the subject everyone deals with. Love. I don’t believe he is trying to shut you out. You are a beautiful, independent woman, and you don’t need a man to complete you. Also, you must understand...it is not your fault. Men are men, and divorce...it happens. True love...is nothing but a "once upon a time." Last sentence isn't something someone would really say. Reconsider.

Betty– Mrs. Woods, have you ever been in love? Have you ever had trouble with men?

Sam– Me? Oh...well no. Is that realistic? How many people get it right the first time?I met someone that I love very much. In fact, I’m married.

Betty– I’m sorry.

Sam– No, he's great. One of a kind, Bill is. He is my...well...my [s]“Once upon a time…”[/s] my prince charming. My cup of tea- I really love him. And Betty, there is someone out there for you. There is still time for you to find the love of your life, but you do not need a man to complete you.

Betty– You know...I always thought Charles was MY prince charming...until he broke my heeeeeeaaaarrrrrrttttt…...ahhhhhh Is she yelling, or is she moaning? Emotions can go in stage direction too!(Betty suddenly bursts into tears)

(Timer goes off)

Sam– Oh look at that. Times up. Now Betty, you go home and get some rest. Try not to think about...um that guy...ok? Alright then. Take care. Bye bye. How much is she getting billed?(Sam closes the door and her whole posture changes. She slumps into her chair and places her glasses on table. The takes her hair out of the pony tail and flips it.) My gosh. Another LONG day. Ok Sam...got through yet another day. (She then takes out her phone and dials a number.)

(On the stage another female appears on stage right. She is wearing high high heals and is chewing her gum as she answers the phone)

Mary– Hello?

Sam– Mary, it’s Sam.

Mary– Oh...hey girl. What’s up?

Sam- Oh, nothing. Just got through another long day.

Mary– (Not really listening) Huh uh...ya don’t say?

Sam– Yeah, one crazy patient after another. They never stop coming… How about: It's days like this that I wish I had been an [architect]... The current line seems stupid because... what else did she expect?

Mary– Oh he is CUTE!

Sam– Mary? Who are you talking to?

Mary– Yeah.

Sam– What?

Mary– What?

Sam– Mary? Are….are you looking at guys in the mall again?

Mary– Maybe….

Sam– Girl, how many times must I tell you? You don’t need a man. You are a beautiful…

Mary– (Cutting her off in a mocking tone) Independent woman, and you don’t need a man to complete you. I know I know. I have heard it before. Don’t go all physiologist on me Sam. I know I don’t need a man...I just want one. [s]I want someone to hold me when I’m cold…[/s] Not important.

Sam: Please, how cliché…

Mary: No I am serious. I want to be loved. I don’t want to be alone...

Sam: You aren’t alone. Men, [s]they[/s] are the problem all women are facing. You don’t have to walk alone. My patient, Betty...she's a little nuts but she is going through the same thing...we can fight this...we can fight all of this

Mary: Oh you can hold my hand!

Sam– What? Why would I hold your hand?

Mary– Yeah.

Sam– Mary? Are you still there?

Mary– Sorry girl. Got to go. (Hangs up phone and light blacks out on Mary)

Sam– Damn. She is crazy. (Phone Rings)

Sam– Samantha.

(Sherry appears on the stage talking on her cell phone.
Sherry– Mrs. Woods, hi. I need to make an appointment, for my son...[to offstage]]honey mom is on the phone…

Sam– Alright then, may I get a name under the appointment?

Sherry– Brian. Brian Santiago….no honey don’t touch that…

Sam– No I mean...your name. (Click) Man...what a day this is turning out to be.
(Sam stands up from her desk and dials another number. A man appears on the stage, known as Prince Charming, a.k.a. Bill Peters.

Bill– Hey you have reached Bill. I’m kind of busy, hence why I’m not here, hence why you got my voicemail. Leave a message. (Light blacks out)

Sam– Hey Bill, it’s me, Samantha. Just got off work. It has been a long day honey. VERY long. (She pauses) I...I want to see ya tonight. These late nights at work, [s]there[/s] they're...well they are kind of hard for me...so anyway. Love you. Call me. Bye.

(Lights dim for scene change) Overall, a promising start. You've got characters, a plot, and some interesting staging ideas.

Scene Two
(A bedroom is set on stage, with Samantha laying down, sleeping. She is tossing and turning. Then Jill, lets out a piercing scream waking Sam up. Jill runs onto the stage and jumps into the bed. She has the appearance of a 7-8 year old and is all shaken up.)

Jill– MOM! I had...had...a bad dream.

Sam– (calming her down) It’s ok. Shhh Shhh. It’s alright. Mommy's here. It was only a dream.

Jill– It….it seemed so real mommy. It seemed so very real.

Sam– Well...why don’t you just tell mommy what it was about it.

Jill– It….it...it...was about daddy.

Sam– Really? Well what happened?

Jill– I dreamed...he got into a car accident after his late night at work...and he was screaming and shouting like this (Mimics screaming) and it was so scary.

Sam– Honey. It was only a dream.

Jill– Mom can I sleep with you? I’m scared.

Sam– Sure Honey. Sure.

(Jill lies next to Sam and is quiet. Sam looks down at her and thinks about what she said)

Jill– Mom?

Sam– Yeah honey?

Jill– Is dad dead?

Sam– WHAT? No. Where would you get a silly idea like that?

Jill– Well, were is he? He is never around!

Sam– He has to work…

Jill– How do you know?

Sam– Sometimes a mother just knows sweetie.

Jill– But how? He could be DEAD! (Mimics a choking and falls on her lap)

Sam– It was just a dream Jill. He is at work. He's having an affair.

Jill– But if he’s not dead….

Sam– Which he's not…

Jill– Then why does he not come home [s]no more[/s] anymore? Does he hate us?

Sam– No dear…

Jill– YES he does! He hates us! Doesn’t he?

Sam– No. He….he loves us very much darling. He’s not going to die...and (Less convinced) He wont leave us...he’s at work...he’s at work...he’s at work…

(Lights dim back to the office) The quicker back and forth dialogue suits you better. I can see exactly where you're going with this, and I like it. Contrasting work and home is a nice idea.

Scene Three

Betty– WHY? I ddddooonnnn’tttt underSTAND! I mean...I lllllooooovvveeeddd him, SO MUCH! Does he not love me? It’s not fair…. Instead of writing out the lines, just put [wailing] at the beginning and write them normally. Let the actor figure it out.

(Samantha is in her office a little annoyed and with a slight headache)

Sam– There, there Betty. It will be ok.

Betty– NO! I’m gonna DIE! I’m...gonna kill myself!!!

Sam– Oh well, let me get you the number to the suicide hotline…

(Betty stares at her blankly and the burst into tears, outraged)

Betty– YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF??? Ahh I can not believe this!
AWEABADA (Starts muttering through tears)

Sam– Oh Betty...I’m sorry. [s]I didn’t mean to upset you.[/s] It was a joke. I just had a bad night that’s all. Just didn’t sleep well, had a lot on my mind…

Betty– WELL I HAD A BAD LIFE! DON’T SEE ME CRYING ABOUT IT!!!

Sam– (Under her breath) No not at all.

Betty– Well….what happened?

Sam– Oh...nothing it’s stupid.

Betty– No tell me. I wanna hear it.

Sam– No really. It’s nothing.

Betty– No I insist.

Sam– That’s all right. Lets continue. You could get away with a funny role reversal here.

Betty– Oh...I see. (She sniffs and more tears fall yet again) You….you don’t TRUST ME! Just like my HUSBAND….oh…sorry...MY EX HUSBAND!!!!!!

Sam– It’s just my husband and I aren’t doing so great and….

(Bill enters through the door holding a dozen roses. He is in a suit and walks in looking very snazzy)

Bill– Sorry baby for interrupting you at work, but I had to see you. I’m on my lunch break. I’m missed you the other night...and I’m sorry. Work took so long and was hectic.

Betty– Who's this?

Sam– My….my husband.

Betty– OH….THAT’S NICE! (She burst into tears)

Sam– Bill….I’m working….

Bill– I know, and I’m sorry baby, but I just had to see you. To do this.
(He walks right up to her and kisses her very passionately)

Sam– OH HONEY! I forgive you!

Bill– Baby, I can’t live without you!

Sam– I know. And I you.

Bill– Baby I love you SO much!

Betty– YES! I’m only in pain…and I am only paying $50 an hour. Why bother to talk to me? Now is a perfect time to make out with your...huuu….huuusss…..HUSBAND!

Sam– Bill....Bill! You need to leave. Please. Bill. (He tickles her) Bill…(Laughing)….Bill…

Betty– PLEASE LEAVE!!!!

Bill– (Kisses her one final time) See ya tonight baby.

Sam– Ok...bye…(Brushes herself off and sits down) Now...um...where were we?

Betty– What before that MAN came into the room?

Sam– So to say.

Betty– Just about how you and your HUSBAND weren't doing so well…

Sam– Oh that? That...um...it’s nothing.

(Lights dim for scene change)

Scene Four

Bill– Hey you have reached Bill. I’m kind of busy, hence why I’m not here, hence why you got my voicemail. Leave a message.

Sam– Hey Bill, it’s me. Listen...it’s midnight, and you said you would be there, so your not and I’m worried so call me back. I’m going to bed. Love you. Bye.

(Sam paces the room and Jill enters)

Jill– MOM! I can’t sleep.

Sam– Another bad dream?

Jill– No! I just don’t want to.

Sam– Well, you have school tomorrow so maybe you should go to bed.

Jill– I know. I just don’t want to. (She pounces on bed and rolls around)

Sam– I know. I know. Just try to sleep. There there. (Singing) Rock a bye baby…

Jill– Mom, I’m not a baby.

Sam– In a tree top, when the wind blows

Jill– I’m not even…(Yawning) tired….

Sam– (continuing) The cradle will rock...when the bow breaks, the cradle will fall…(Jill falls asleep) And down will come…(Phone rings)

Bill– Baby, I am SO sorry. Last min, I got slammed and I had to stay late.

Sam– Oh it’s ok Bill. I understand.

Bill- Anyway (Laughing) I got to go.

Sam– Bill...why are you laughing? Dun dun dun!

Bill– I’m not...you must have had a long day...I got to go. (Hangs up phone) Tickle me will you!

Sam– (Singing) And down will come baby...cradle….and all….

(Lights dim for scene change)

Scene Five

(Sam is in her office, appearing to be a complete wreck. You starts the timer on her desk as a boy enters and sits down. He clearly does not want to be here and looks at Samantha with utter disgust.)

Sam– So...Brian is it?

Brian– Yeah.

Sam– First time?

Brian– Obviously.

Sam– Hm. Lovely. So...why are you here Brian?

Brian– Mom.

Sam– Mom? What about mom?

Brian– Brought...me….

Sam- Yes I see that, but why did she bring you?

Brian– (Shrugs shoulders)

Sam– Well… I am Samantha Woods.

Brian– So.

Sam– Or miss Woods

Brian– Yawn.

Sam– But you can call me Sam.

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– You know, I can already tell we are going to be the best friends.

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– Yes. I am sure of it.

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– So, is there a certain problem?

Brian– (Shrugs Shoulders)

Sam– Anything I can help you with?

Brain– (Shrugs Shoulders again)

Sam– I got to say Brian, you’re a lot of help.

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– (A little angrier) I'd say more than "a little".Look here you little brat, I have had a LONG day and a bad night last night, and I am really not in the mood to deal with any little punks like yourself, so start talking so we both can go home….OK?

Brian– Ok...Dang…

Sam– Ok. Good. Now. What is the problem?

Brian– (Shrugs shoulders)

Sam– Look kid, people don’t just GO to a psychologist. There is either something very wrong with them, or they are sad or something. You are wasting both yours, and more importantly MY time so please...why are you here?

Brian– (shrugs)

Sam– WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Brian- Divorce.

Sam– Ok. I can work with that. Divorce, alright.

Brian– My parents got a divorce, and now I hate my life.

Sam– Tragic. Brian, divorce is a problem many boys face. Together we can fight this!

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– (Smiles at him like she is about to lose it. Gets the timer and points it to zero.) OH look! Times up! Come back...ummm….NEVER. I’ll get you a refund, WHATEVER!!!!

(In walks Sherry. She is a rather plump woman but holds her posture very well.)

Sherry– (Sternly) Brian, go wait in the car, while I have a word with Mrs. Woods.

Sam– A word? What word?

Sherry– (Sits down and speaks softly) Samantha? Is it?

Sam– Yeah.

Sherry– Samantha, I understand my son is a handful, trust me there, but as a psychologist you must not lose patience.

Sam– (A bit sarcastically) A handful? Oh no. Not at all. He is GREAT! He doesn’t listen to anything, he doesn’t say anything, he just sits there and acts like a little brat. How am I supposed to react? NICE?

Sherry– Mrs. Woods, you are a trained professional. Pull yourself together. How can we trust you will help people with there lives if you don’t even know about your own? Something is wrong. This is the worst line in the entire play. Here this random women comes in and just somehow starts telling Samantha how to live her life. The dialogue is fake and the situation is unnatural.

Sam– Problems at home, but that doesn’t matter. Now. What is wrong with your son?

Sherry– Mrs. Woods, do you have children?

Sam– Yes, a daughter.

Sherry– I’m sorry.

Sam– I’m not. I love my child with all my heart.

Sherry– Oh yes. We love our children. We must. Why then would we put up with them if we didn’t? Yes we love them, but no matter what we do...children can not be happy. No matter what we do, children can not stay content. They want more and more, and we give and give until there is nothing left to give. No matter what I do, I can’t make Brian happy. Even if my decision is best for him, he does not care. I decided to become a single mother, and it’s pretty damn hard, I wont lie, but I did it because I found out he was doing more then cheating on me. I had to do something. I guess in school and college, no one ever teaches us what we really need to know. I thought that bringing Brain to a psychologist would help, but children can’t be happy.

Sam– Mrs. I don’t think it is because children can’t be happy, but I think sometimes they choose not to be happy. We give them what we can, but the child, the inner child always wants more. It longs for a need. They just need our love, it’s all we can give.

Sherry– Maybe...I'm the one who needed a psychologist.

Samantha– Just give me a few more days with him...and I’ll try to figure out something.

Sherry– Thank you Mrs. Woods. [s]I don’t know why, but there is something about you[/s] I like you.

(She exits and Samantha sits at her desk pondering and thinking about Jill. She then dials a #)

Bill– Hey you have reached Bill. I’m kind of busy, hence why I’m not here, hence why you got my voicemail. Leave a message.

Sam– Busy? With what? Cheating on me? (She dials another number)

Mary– Hello?

Sam– Hey Mary…

Mary– Opps! You got my voicemail.

Sam– Darn it.

Mary– Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a message.

Sam– Hey Mary, it’s me. Call me back. (Dials another #)

Bill– Hey you have reached Bill. (Click)

Sam– I’m to busy cheating on my wife, hence why I’m an asshole, hence why you got my VOICEMAIL! (She throws her cell phone)

Betty– (Walking in) AHHHHhhhh! That almost hit ME!

Sam– Sorry Betty. I was, distracted.

Betty– Oh GREAT! Distracted, right before I come in.

(Sam starts timer and sits down in her chair sighing as lights dim for scene change)

Scene Six

(The lights come up on Bill. He is dialing a phone #.)

Jill– Hello?

Bill– Jill, honey. How are you?

Jill– DADDY?

Bill– Yes. It is great to hear from you, may I speak to mommy?

Jill– Daddy I thought you were dead!

Bill– Well I’m not, let me speak to mommy now ok?

Jill– Ok! MOMMY!

A voice– Hurry up.

Bill– I’m on the phone, ill be there in a minute.

Sam– Bill?

Bill– Hey baby! I am SO sorry. A last minute business trip was happening and it was all just a nightmare. I have been standing outside in the rain and it all and it has just been miserable. I am SO sorry. Baby.

Sam– Bill...oh. (Feeling bad) That means a lot to me Bill. So many thoughts have been running through my head, very bad thoughts and I am just so glad. None of it is true.

Bill– I know it’s been hard with the late nights, but you are hanging in there and...I love you for that. Your one of a kind baby. A rare catch.

Sam– And you are my prince charming, and I will always love you.

Bill– Thanks.

Sam– Goodnight.

Bill– Night. (click)

Bill– Ok...you. You are much to loud.

Voice– Who were you talking to?

Bill– Oh...just a friend. Now baby, come here and give your prince some loving.

(Voice comes on stage in the light who appears to be….)

Mary– Oh Bill. I love you.

Bill– I know. (Kisses her) See, we never knew who Mary was at the beginning, so why should we be surprised, or care about her character now?

(Black out. End Of Act One)

Act Two
Scene One

(The stage lights up on Betty and Sam. Act Two begins the same way as Act One. Betty is crying toward everything going on with her, and Sam is calm and collected, the calmest we have seen her. She sits in the chair and nods to agree with everything Betty is saying)

Betty– But of course you do not CARE! You HAVE a husband that loves you. SO ANYWAY, I went to see him, you know to get MY things, and he looked at me like I was an idiot and...SLAMED THE DOOR in my FACE! HOW COULD HE? Slam a door? In my face? I was SO UPSET!

Sam– Yes, and how does that make you feel?

Betty– UPSET!!!!

Sam– Alright, well Betty. You can go to court and demand alimony. Take him to court.

Betty– I don’t have any money for a lawyer, and he is to smart for me. (Leans in whispering) He knows my EVERY move! Every move I make he is always four steps ahead of me!

Sam– Betty, try to understand, that he is only a man, and every man has a weakness.

Betty– Well, when you find out let me know!

Sam– I…(Timer goes off) Time is up. I’ll see you tomorrow….

Betty– I scheduled two appointments today. You will see me later today won’t you?

Sam– Course you will...alright then, I will see you later.

Betty– That you will, and maybe this time we wont have any distractions….

Sam– Very unlikely….

Betty– What was that?

Sam– See you later alrighty….

Betty– Good day Samantha.

Sam– Good day….

(Lights dim for scene change)

Scene Two

(Lights come back up on Bill getting putting on a tie for work, however it is not his house, it is Mary’s and she comes on adjusting his tie)

Mary– Bill. We have been seeing each other for about 2 years now, and I still haven't seen your house. (Bill walks over to mirror and brushes his hair) I mean I am not trying to be fast, but I don’t know who your mother is, your friends, I don’t anything really about you...and I want to know you better.

Bill– Well, you will baby. All in good time.

Mary– Is two years not enough time for you?

Bill– I am still adjusting.

Mary– To what? Have a bad break up?

Bill– Something like that…

Mary– Bill I may never understand you, but I will always love you.

Bill– (Smiles) I know.

Mary– So, how about you buy me something nice? Eh? (Takes wallet joking around) Lets see all the credit card you have! Visa (Laughing) Visa, MASTERCARD, Visa, picture of Sam, Visa...wait...what?

Bill– Honey give me those back?

Mary– Why do you have a picture of my best friend in your wallet? And….(Looks at another picture) a little girl? (Turns photo around) Jill? What is this Bill? (Thinking) Jill? Jill….thats Sam’s daughter….she told me all about her once...what….is going on?

Bill– (Walks up to her) You shouldn't look through another mans wallet. It be like me looking through your purse.

Mary– (Mary sits on bed) If Jill is in your wallet...then that means. OH MY GOD! You’re her husband! I’m….with my best friends husband! How could you not tell me you were married?

Bill– You never asked. (He goes in for a kiss)

Mary– BILL! This is NOT right!

Bill– So. Many things are not right. Doesn’t mean we don’t do them.

Mary– Bill I can’t do this. Not anymore!

Bill– You didn’t have a problem with it before. And besides soon i'll be getting a raise and i'll get a divorce.

Mary– I can’t do this…. (Runs off stage)

Bill– Baby get back here! (Runs after her as lights dim for scene change)

Scene Three Then need to have more of an interesting argument. It's very stupid and one sided. Conflict is interesting.

(Mary walks in to an empty office. She looks sick and calls for Sam)

Mary– Sam? You in here?

Sam– (Offstage) Right this way Betty.

Mary– SHOOT! (Thinks quickly and hides underneath the desk)

Betty– I had a really BAD lunch. I thought everything would be better once I got some food., but then they gave me ORANGE soda and that’s….that's….CHARLES’S Favorite!!!

Sam– I understand...wait. You got upset over a soda?

Betty– It was not just a soda! It was ORANGE SODA!

Sam– Yes, well you shouldn’t be attached to any kind of (Phone Rings) Excuse me just one sec.
HELLO?

Bill– Hey baby.

Sam– I’m working Bill. What do you want?

Bill– Oh I just wanted to hear your voice…..

Sam– Well you heard it! (Click) Now, where were you? (Ring) WHAT?

Bill– Why did you hang up on me? That wasn’t very nice.

Sam– I Am WORKING Bill. I don’t have time to talk….

Betty– Who is that?

Sam– My husband.

Betty– Oh GREAT! Why help me when you can talk to HIM again!

Sam– I got to go Bill….

Bill– Wait I...huh...got a surprise for you. Yeah, that’s right a surprise. Outside.

Sam– You’re here?

Bill– Right outside. A big surprise!

Sam– Excuse me Betty, this will just take a minute. (She walks over to the timer and stops it and then walks out of her office flustered.)

Betty– Oh yes! LEAVE me ALL ALONE!

Bill– (Offstage) Mary?

Betty– Who’s Mary?

Bill– Mary?

Betty– No. Betty. YOU! Your that MAN!

(Mary comes from underneath desk)

Mary– You shouldn't have followed me Bill.

Betty– AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Where she come from?

Mary– Be quiet lady. Bill, What are you doing here?

Bill– ME? I came looking for you! Of all places to come, why my wife's office?

Mary– I am going to tell her the truth.

Bill– Oh the truth? And what truth might that be? That you love me?

Mary– (Innocent) No, I liked you, but didn’t know you where married.

Bill– Oh yeah! Cause any moron would believe that. And I tell you, Sam is no moron….

Mary– I know Sam thank you very much! How could you not tell me you were married?

Bill– Well, you should have checked.

Mary– And to my best friend?

Bill– You should have known!

Mary– Bill, how the HECK was I supposed to know something like that?

Bill– You should have asked.

Mary– and YOU should have stayed content to your wife….

Bill– You should have not flirted with me all the time!

Mary– WELL YOU should not have CHEATED on your WIFE!!! Bill, what does this make the 90th time or something?

Bill– No, I love my wife.

Mary– and yet….

Bill– She means everything to me…

Mary– Really? Oh I see. Is that why you are getting a divorce???

Sam– WHAT??!??! (Samantha has just walked into the room, stunned to find her husband, her best friend, and the blubbering Betty. Her face is filled with total shock)

[long pause]

Bill– (Thinking quickly) SURPRISE!

Sam– A div...vorce?

Bill– Baby…

Sam– A DIVORCE? What is the world is going on?

Bill– (Points to Mary) She is cheating on you!!!

Sam– SHE isn’t married to me!

Mary– (Points to Bill) He is cheating on you!

Sam– With who?

(They both speak simultaneously)

Mary– Me...
Bill– Her!

[long pause]

Sam– Wait...let me try to get this straight...My BEST friend is sleeping with my HUSBAND? She's taking it rather calmly.

Bill– Well….more or less...yeah?

Sam– I KNEW IT!

Mary– What?

Bill– What?

Sam– But with my best friend?

Bill– Baby...I can explain.

Sam– Don’t call me BABY you, bastard.

Bill– Ba...Sam.

Sam– I can’t believe I was so blind. On my best friend Bill? And YOU (Points to Mary) How could you do this to me?

Mary– Sammy…

Sam– Did you not know he was my HUSBAND?

Mary– No….

Sam– HOW THE HELL NOT?

Mary– He was...shifty…

Bill– Oh shifty was I?

Sam– Shut up Bill. (Looking at Mary) Where you not shifty?

Mary– No….

Bill– Yes!

Mary– Shut up Bill.

Betty– PLEASE! (Clearly annoyed and kept quiet for to long has a huge out burst) CAN we PLEASE go on with me??? (They all look at her and start bickering)

Sam– After all I did for you Bill, you take my heart...and break it?

Bill– Honey listen…

Betty– Please….I am having a bad LIFE!!!!!

Mary– Oh aren’t we all!

Sam– You know I should have known really. The late nights, the laughter over the phone! I knew it...but I gave you the benefit of the doubt and turns out I was right all along. I thought I was going crazy, mental, good to know I’m not.
(She pulls out a gun and points it straight at Bill. Betty lets go a blood curling scream) If you're going to do that to us, give us some foreshadowing. Have her tell Jill that if any monsters come, she has a gun in the closet. Or something like that.

Bill– What are you doing?

Sam– You broke my heart...so I’m gonna break yours.

Mary– Sam, you are taking this to far!

Sam– TO far? You were with my husband?

Mary– Are you going to shoot him?

Sam– No (She points the gun at her) I’m gonna shoot you and (Points gun at Betty) you. (Points back at Bill) And you know I’m going to shoot you. I’m going to shoot all of you. You because you are my “Best friend” [s]and one of the causes of this whole thing[/s], you because I don’t even look at you, and YOU cause you wanna die anyway! I have had enough of you all week! The question is….who to kill first? The cheating husband? (Points at Bill) The Evil Friend! (Points at Mary) or the pain in my head (Points at Betty) Which one...which one…

Bill– YOU'RE CRAZY!

Sam– No...I’m not crazy. I deal with crazy people! I’m the psychologist! No Bill. I am, past crazy, way beyond it. Everyday I sit here and listen to people cry about their lives (Looks at Betty) and everyday I ask, “How does that make you feel?” and everyday it is the same thing day in and day out. EVERYDAY! And here...in my own life, in my own household...my husband is cheating on me behind my back. What will I tell Jill Bill? No...I'm not crazy. I am the only sane person in this room, and I am done with insane people!

Mary– Please, just please put the gun down.

(Brian walks in the door and looks around at the site)

Sam– Well look who it is. If it isn't “whatever” boy. How have you been?

Brian– What’s going on?

Sam– OH nothing….

Brian– Why do you have a gun? Why isn't he panicking?

Sam– What gun? (Puts gun behind back)

Brian– You have a gun….

Sam– No I don’t.

Brian– Yes you do…

Sam– No I don’t.

Brain– YES you do…

Sam– OK I do…(Points gun at Brian.) Please...sit down.

(Brian sits on the couch and Sherry walks in)

Sherry– Brian this time be...oh I’m sorry Mrs. Woods. Are you busy?

Sam– NO NOT AT ALL….close the door and have a seat. I’m taking on lots of patients today!

(Sherry sits down and comforts Brian. She has a confused look on her face.)

Betty– Can I please go...I think my time is up.

Sam– You're right. Your time is up. ALL OF YOU! None of you are leaving.
(Sam walks over to the door, takes out a key and locks it.) Now...where were we? Oh yeah. (Points gun at Bill)

Sherry– What in the world is going on Mrs. Woods?

Sam– Well, everything in my life is falling apart...oh and you're (YOU ARE becomes YOU'RE) going to probly get shot. It’s nothing personal...can’t say the same for your son...I mean the little brat annoys me...but you, I have nothing against...but I can’t really kill your son and leave you off.

Sherry– I beg your pardon? Everyone should be panicking! This isn't a "I beg your pardon moment, this is a "OH MY GOD, I"M GOING TO DIE" moment!

Bill– Can we just settle this like adults…

Sam– Oh...now you want to be an adult...ok then. I’ll give you a chance. (She walks over to her desk and sits down. Takes the timer and sets it to 5 minutes) Now...we are going to settle everything once and for all. Mary, Bill. You have five minutes to explain how all this happened. What is going on? How are we going to solve it? If I am not concerned in five minutes is up, I’m shooting you all. Your lives lie in these two people…

Betty– OH NO! Where doomed!

Bill– Baby!

Mary– Sam!

Sherry– Why I never….

Brian– Whatever.

Sam– (Taking notes) Anyone going to say anything? Take your time...no rush.

Betty– Oh yes...NO RUSH! Nothing lying on the line...except our lives!

Sherry– Samantha...put the gun down. You don’t want to do this dear.

Mary– Yeah Sam. Think! It’s me! Your best friend!

Sam– I’m sorry...wrong answer. You were my best friend. Now? You are nothing to me. I was living the fairy tale life. I had a castle, my dream home, a beautiful girl, and a prince charming. Turns out the enchantresses spell wore off...in case you didn’t know...that's you Mary...and my prince was nothing more but a slimy, disgusting, ugly, frog. So I guess princes will always be frogs, and maybe there really is no such thing as “Happily Ever After” but my best friend going against me? That shouldn’t be! My best friend….that is a real laugh.

Sherry– Killing us will not help Samantha.

Betty– YEAH! Kill them!

Mary– What?
Bill– What?
Sherry– What?

Betty– Well, they are the main cause of the problem. Can’t you just let you patients go?

Sam– um...no. If they die...you die. 4 minutes left.

Bill– Sam, baby, yeah I’m a bad man….and a frog...but killing us will not solve anything.

Sam– Your right Bill. Nothing will be solved...it will make me feel a whole lot better, but nothing will be solved...so start talking

Sherry– Sam...this is not as bad as it looks.

Sam– This doesn’t look bad? My husband is CHEATING on me with my best friend...and that doesn’t look bad? I’m getting a divorce from my husband, and will become a single parent...and that doesn’t look bad? If these things are not bad...I don’t know what bad is!

Betty– Look in a mirror! THIS IS BAD!!!!

Sherry– What I mean is…(Ignoring Betty) I am going through a divorce to and I’m ok. I’m happy with it, I can help you through it!

Brian– Oh I am SO happy for you.

Sherry– What?

Brian– I am so happy that you are ok with the divorce. Really I am. Did you ever think about me? How I feel about this whole thing? How he is MY dad and I love him and I go to sleep he is there, wake up and he is gone? My father doesn’t love me, or that is how it appears...and your ok with the divorce. My father doesn’t love me, my mother doesn’t care and all everyone is doing is asking me, “Am I all right?” or… “How does that make you feel” or “I understand.” Well you don’t. They don’t. NO one does...and it sucks, cause I wish they could. I wish they could live through the pain. And how do you think your daughter will feel about this? Do you think she will be sitting in her room wishing someone could understand how she felt, about this whole thing? Do you think she will be peachy keen and all that jazz. So killing us will make everything better. And how do you know, that once you have does us off, that you will have enough guts to live with your life. To tell your daughter that you killed her dad? How are you going to do that?

(The room is silent. Sherry is in tears and Samantha is standing up looking at the boy.)

Sam– Well...maybe I wont have to tell her. After I kill all of you, I’ll kill myself. I’ll shoot myself in the head and…

Brian– And what? Have your child grow up as an orphan? No mom, and dad. That is just great. It’s great to know what courage you have. You are running away from your problems. All you do is talk to people, and you couldn’t even have insight on your own life. You couldn't open up your eyes to see that your world was falling apart. I have been there. I have had my whole world fall apart...and here I am now. Trying to get help. What help you are Mrs. Woods.

(The timer goes off and everyone is silent. Sam is in tears and is sitting at her desk with the gun still in her hand.)

Sam– You know Brian...you are one smart kid. Those two couldn’t get through to me, but a 16 year old boy, who I hated...could.

Brian– Whatever.

(Cops bust through the door and secure the area and cuff Samantha.) They ought to say something. And the person who called them ought to come in and ask if everyone is okay.

Sam– Yeah whatever.

(Lights dim for scene chance)

Scene Four

(Samantha is in a Jail cell talking to an inmate who is not interested in what she is saying)

Sam– And I was holding the gun and I was going to shoot them all. and all it took was 16 year old kid, to get through to me...so sure I’m still in jail for attempt murder, but I feel better now. Much better. After all that happened, where everything went wrong and all it took was that one kid.

Jail mate– Geeze lady, all I asked was what you in for, not your life story.

Sam– Well, thanks for listening.

Jail mate– Heh...did I have a choice?

Sam– Well...anyway...I think I’m done with being a psychologist. I mean, I didn’t really get much out of this, and once I get out, I’m going back to my daughter, who is now living with Sherry, and her son, the kid I was talking about, so I trust them, and I know they will take care of her. Bill, my EX, he has been trying to find a new girl, cause Mary dumped her, and no luck. He is now unemployed and has to sell his car to get any money, and Mary and I made up. I still find it hard to believe that she didn’t know that the guy she was with was really my husband, but she was never the smartest person. So, when I get out…

Jail mate– Gosh lady, you never shut up do you?

Guard– Mrs. Woods, your psychologist is here to see you.

Jail mate– Thank God. She really needs it.

Sam– Oh no I don’t. All they ever ask you is (Mimic voice) how does that make you feel?

(BLACKOUT END OF PLAY)[/spoiler]

It was fine, although you missed some opportunities in general. I thought you had a nice shot at an alternate ending where it's all some big mistake and Bill isn't cheating on her, and it could have a happy ending, but I like your ending anyway, so keep it. Biggest problem I had was that the ending scene was redundant in places, too long, and some characters were a little to blasé about the situation. Also, Mary's character isn't really developed until the second act, which minimizes the impression at the end of the first act. We need another scene where we learn past history between Mary and Sam. Also, if they were best friends, why wasn't Mary at Sam's wedding? Why does she not know her husband. That's a terrible mistake.

There's definitely work to be done. But overall, it was on the original side and was fairly well put together. Good work.

Ryukun7 wrote:Wow...this was amazing! It was put together so well! I loved the ending, and the tie-in to the title. Plus, the script had me laughing a lot, especially on Betty's parts. I really was attached to the characters and wanted to find out what happened to them.
As far as critique goes, I think you should be a little careful with spelling and grammar. Besides that, I really enjoyed the play. Awesome job Josh!

Wow...this was amazing! It was put together so well! I loved the ending, and the tie-in to the title. Plus, the script had me laughing a lot, especially on Betty's parts. I really was attached to the characters and wanted to find out what happened to them.
As far as critique goes, I think you should be a little careful with spelling and grammar. Besides that, I really enjoyed the play. Awesome job Josh!