z

Young Writers Society



Promise Me a Diamond

by Lorens_01


Johannes Arzland was an Irish national with his blue eyes which dreams boundless like the blue sea, a golden blonde hair as wealthy as the future ahead of him and as tall as his aspirations could possibly unlock. Yet no one could dare explain what a promising man like him is doing in a forsaken place on earth: Limpopo Province at South Africa.

What is more amazing was Johannes’ profession. He is not a doctor who treats the needy, a professor whom teaches or an engineer modernizing the land, all of which were hit professions of the 30’s. He is a miner of one of the top notch diamond companies in the world, Harte Incorporated.

The scorching heat of the sun burns his skin and the cold, harsh night hugs his body dear. Johannes does not complain nor exclaim dissatisfaction, for he was enjoying his life and enjoying his job.

One woman relieves the aches of Johannes’ body and the fatigue of his soul; Mayrene Harte, the only daughter of Galilei Harte, President of the company. She has the warmest smile a woman could ever smile, the soothing touch regardless of people she attends to, and a kind heart to his father’s employees.

“Johannes, stop staring at the president’s daughter! Work, work, work! Until you see what you were looking for, you have no right to think of something else but work,” he said to himself as he stared from a distance from an angel impossible for mortal touch, for an attempt to do so shall cost their life.

The Harte family is very powerful. Their presence is law and their word is absolute power. Yet those were invisible to the sweet and kind Mayrene, the reason how Johannes got attracted to her in the first place. Their family is so powerful yet she holds herself to the ground unlike the others who treat them like dirt dug from the mines; useless and insignificant.

One day, Johannes saw Mayrene at the corner of her office, sulking for the very first time. He just can’t resist the poor woman and approached her after gathering all his strength.

“Goodmorning Miss Mayrene,” Johannes exclaimed with a smile highlighted by his two deep dimples.

He heard no response, just plain deafening silence. This sent a chill down his spine. Maybe he was not needed. He was afraid his impulsive action shall cost him to draft his pink letter.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, I thought I could help you, I’m sorry for such trouble,” Johannes stated as he walked a few steps towards the door, ready to leave.

“Wait! Please don’t go!” a high-pitched and worried voice broke the silence of the room. It was no other than Mayrene herself, looking more worried the first time Johannes saw her. “Could you please help me? I lost this very precious diamond my father gave me. I’m afraid he might get angry at me once he knows.”

Johannes’ good soul could not possibly disagree. “Do not worry Miss Mayrene, I promise you a diamond by dawn.”

“Why thank you sir, thank you so much!” Mayrene shouted in joy as she sprung up from her chair and hugged Johannes so tight she could squeeze the life out of him. Oh if only if he could freeze time! He would want to remain this way for a long, long time.

“Meet me at the lake at dawn; I shall wait for you there. May I know your name sir?” Mayrene said to Johannes, still not letting go.

“Jo-Jo-Johannes Arzland Ma’am,” he nervously replied.

“I’ll wait for you at the lake Mr. Johannes,” Mayrene replied, eternal gratitude obvious to her voice.

He never let a moment to waste. Digging was the only thing he could possibly do. “I need to find a diamond!” he told himself, determined to find one. He could not afford to see Mayrene sad once more.

By miracle and hard work he dug one out. He arrived just in time at the lake they agreed to meet.

“Here, as I promised Miss Mayrene,” Johannes stated as he fumbled a big chunk of rock, a diamond. Dirty may be, at the hands of a skill craftsman such garbage shall turn into a treasure.

“Please just call me Mayrene,” she answered after receiving the precious stone veiled by a black cloth.

Hours passed by and the two just couldn’t stop conversing about each other. There they shared their dreams and ambitions in life. Time passed by so fast, for the sun was slowly rising from the horizon.

“Must you go Johannes?” Mayrene asked as she looked as sad as before she was missing the diamond.

“I’m sorry but I must beg your leave Mayrene,” Johannes sourly replied. Oh only if he could truly freeze time! He would like to hold the sun from ever rising again, standing still at that exact moment to never pass by.

“Please, meet me again by dawn. I shall wait for you here,” Mayrene shyly asked.

“I promise you, just like how I promise you a diamond, I shall come and see you,” Johannes replied as he slowly left the lake, holding his promise to meet with the woman of her dreams once more.

He kept on staring at the clock at the facade of the Employee’s Office. How he wished for it for dawn to strike at once! At last, after time ran like sand in the hourglass, night cloaked the sky and it was not too long and dawn came.

“You came!” Mayrene rejoined at the sight of Johannes as she held her in her arms as tight as it was before.

“I promised,” the only thing Johannes could possibly say, after eating all the words he practiced to say in front of her the whole day.

There they knew each other better from likes to dislikes, from future plans to family visions.

“How come you wanted to be a miner, Johannes? You have such a brighter future if only you stayed in Ireland.”

“I promised my fiancee that I’d find her a diamond, so that’s the reason I became a miner.”

“Ow, so you already have a fiancee then,” Mayrene replied with pure sadness marked all over her face.

“She’s gone now, she died of tuberculosis. I wanted to help her, but it was just a disease impossible to cure. I never even had the chance to see her remains before she was buried. They treat her like a plague; they never even considered her human.”

“I’m sorry I took your diamond away…”

“It was never given away to be wasted though. Besides, I don’t mind, especially that I gave it to someone I love. I have always searched for a diamond, yet you were here all along, Mayrene…”

Things happened so fast. The clouds, the trees and the water stream were witness to the love born under the shade of the moonlight.

If only were to go as things were supposed to be. The moment Galelei knew of his daughter’s affair he stormed into her office and knocked some sense into her, with force.

“You Ingrid! How dare you put shame into our family!” Galilei shouted as he mauled his daughter’s face with brutal fury.

“Stop sir!” Johannes interfered as Mayrene’s father was about to deliver the finishing blow.

“I raised you not to become a commoner’s wife!”

“Sir, she may be your daughter but you are not allowed to put her into so much pain,” Johannes reasoned as he struggled to protect the person he loves.

“I can never accept him as my in-law Mayrene! Forget you were even my daughter the moment you marry this man!” he screamed as the tyranny of his voice was followed by the slamming of the door.

“I tried to stop him, he want to used dynamite in mining. He never thinks of anyone else, all he cares about is money… I’m sorry about how my father acted in front of you…”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t on time to protect you… “

“I’m sorry, you’re seeing me like this,” Mayrene exclaimed as tears fell like diamond shards. “He told me he’ll forget I was his daughter when I choose to marry you…”

“Don’t apologize. Diamonds also crack no matter how hard they may be…I’ll prove my worth to your father, I promise…” Johannes softly said as he caressed his lover under the care of his embrace.

“When I’m with you, you always take my worries away… I love you so much Johannes, you’re as precious as the most precious diamond in the world…”

“Ma’am Mayrene!” a frighten voice shattered the still of the moment, “The dynamites accidentally exploded at the mining fields, your father was caved in!”

“What!” Mayrene shrieked in extreme shock. Before she could react, Johannes rushed out of the room running towards the mining fields.

As a miner, this rewarded him of the knowledge of hidden veins beneath the ravine adjacent to the mines. He searched for the father of his lover and his comrades, despite the shroud of darkness and the peril of the mines in the absence of light. Moments later, a wail of pain echoed in the dark, it was the voice of Galilei, Mayrene’s agonizing father.

Johannes rushed through the abyss, knowing he himself puts his life on the line. As he found Galilei, a sour greeting welcomed him.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

“I came here to save you, along with my comrades.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“You do.”

“Don’t try to impress me because you don’t.”

“I am not trying to impress you sir, I’m trying to save someone important to the person I love. If you really love her, you’ll come with me to see her again.”

With silence as a yes, Johannes piggy back Galilei, taking small steps at a time towards the exit. Both were silent, until Galilei broke to out to talk.

“All I wanted was a good future for my daughter… Was it too much to ask for? I tried to erect this company to ensure she will be happy, but I guess I never gave my all…”

“Don’t think like that at all sir… You gave your best for her. It’s just that, diamonds isn’t enough to give her happiness.”

“I guess you’re right...For the first time in my life my daughter opposed me. She never said no in front of me, maybe it’s because of you, someone who taught something magnificent diamonds could never offer: love.”

Few steps before breaking out in the light, Mayrene dashed towards Johannes whom carried his father.

“Are you alright Papa?” she asked with tears streaming across her face.

“I am fine Mayrene… If, if this man is the one who could give you happiness, then let me sponsor your diamond rings for your wedding.”

A cheerful smile and a tight embrace was Mayrene’s response to her father’s proposal.

“I leave her in your hands young man, do not disappoint me,” he whispered to Johannes as he was taken by the doctors for examinations, along with the other miners involved in the accident.

“I’m glad Papa is fine,” Mayrene exclaimed s she wiped the tears on her face.

“I know Mayrene,” Johannes replied, taking her hand, taking out a rock out of the soil and said, “I know this may be awkward, this may be cheesy but, will you marry me?” he asked with full sincerity.

“But where’s the ring?” Mayrene asked.

“Your father will sponsor it,” he chidingly replied.

“I will marry you, but promise me a diamond first,” she replied as she nodded her head, screaming in sheer delight as she was lifted up due uttermost joy by his husband to be.


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6 Reviews


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Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:47 am
Lorens_01 says...



Thank for your criticisms once more!

I'll try to improve this in the near future. :)




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Sun Jan 31, 2010 9:31 pm
Twiceuponatime says...



You did not wlaborate this enough it could be a whole lot longer like a few chapters maby but you compacted it into a few paragraphs.




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Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:09 am
sara13 wrote a review...



Title is amazing and captured my attention.
There where some parts you made mistakes with the "him", "he" and "her" parts that I got confused with.

“I promise you, just like how I promise you a diamond, I shall come and see you,” Johannes replied as he slowly left the lake, holding his promise to meet with the woman of her dreams once more.

There were also some times in the book when you rushed forwards without retracing to see how it would turn out so it seemed like you didn't pay attention to your writing. And another thing: some areas you switched back and forth between past, present and future tense in the same sentence so it confused me.
But overall: Grasping title :D
Beautiful lines, descriptions and metaphors.
Keep up the good work!


Sara




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Sat Jan 30, 2010 4:31 pm
Lorens_01 says...



Thank you for all of your constructive criticisms. :D

Again, fell free to demolish my story to make the best review out of it, ;)




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Fri Jan 29, 2010 8:16 am
PenNPaper wrote a review...



Hi, it's PenNPaper here.
This story was truly well done, you captured the essence of love here and the story flowed smoothly.
Now, on to some minor mistakes.

a professor whom teaches

'Whom' should be changed to 'who'.
the sweet and kind Mayrene, the reason how Johannes got attracted to her in the first place.

It would probably sound better if you changed the 'how' to 'why'.
he want to used dynamite in mining

Remember your tenses, 'want' should be 'wanted'.
Johannes piggy back Galilei

Tenses again, 'piggy #0000FF ">backed'.

Well then, see you soon :D .




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Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:13 am
Tenyo wrote a review...



I'm not sure what you tried to do with the opening description of Johannas, but it's confusing, and by the sound of it you're comparing his hair to his future? Sounds kind of like a really bad advert for mens hair dye.

Watch your tenses, there's a few times where you switch. When in doubt always stick strictly to just one.

I hate to say, but the writing of this piece is quite bland. The structure is the same all the way through, and most of it is a narrative. I really like the story behind it though, and the title. Once I got into it this seems like it would be great as a script or performance, but as a short story it doesn't quite cut it.

Don't be discouraged though, the story itself is beautiful, just try a different style of writing.





Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson