A small fragment of rock plummeted down from the top of the rock ledge. It made a soft plunk in the pond below, sending ripples out across the water. A cluster of jays chirped and flew off, surprised by the disturbance. Grass on the edge of the lake bent. A frog, its sunbathing session apparently over, catapulted itself gracefully under the mud of the pond bed. Then the tree toppled.
It started with a crack near the base of the trunk. The pine needles shook against the branches of its neighbors. Sap dripped down, coating the forest floor with nature’s glue. As the tree emitted an ominous creak, the pond below seemed to cringe, hoping the great behemoth of a piece of wood might, by some miraculous turn of fate, move over just a bit. But alas! a hope such as that may as well not be wished at all. The large pine, its energy spent from that horribly-fated struggle with gravity, toppled over, and, with a large slap, came to rest in the pond. It was the first of many.
In the years that followed, torrents of men spilled out of their shiny new trucks, and the forest became a sea of red flannel, covering the forest floor that had not so long ago been lush and vivid with life. Boisterous battalions of buildings were raised; smoke poured out of them like water from a river’s cascade. Mills seemed to appear out of nowhere at a rate set to outpace the very days which kept the world in motion. The sky was no longer visible through the overcast smog, and the sun was supplemented with broken, aging floodlights. But the boss was happy, and that was all that mattered.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
(sob...sob...sob...)
Truly flushed with reality and sadness.
I love the way you describe the nature, the tree, the river. You used the perfect adjectives too.
Vividly made, I guess. Keep up the work and I pray for both of us will write something even better than this. I hope I helped.
Welcome to the site! I hope you continue to write more things here.
There was only one grammar mistakes in the first paragraph where you wrote, "Grasses on the edge of the lake bent." Grass plural would still be grass rather than grasses.
But other than that one mistake the story was really good. I loved your descriptions and they did a good job of painting a picture of the setting and what was happening in my head.
It was also very realistic, so that was good.
Nice job, and keep up the great work!
This story is so true. Sadly, some people don't care about preserving nature anymore.
I love how you used some nice imagery. I could clearly picture the forest in my head, the trees falling, and all the workers. Also your usage of literary elements added to the story.
But what you could add on is in the first paragraph. Maybe you could add a bit more foreshadowing of something bad that is going to happen.
Keep writing! You're doing great!
Nice!
Big Buisness
Hey I'm Ash and I'm here to review! I hope I can be of any assistance.
First Paragraph:
I like how you started with "a small fragment of a rock plummeted down from the top of a rock ledge".But to be honest you could have put a comma in there. Okay but the pacing of this pareagraph was very good!
Second Paragraph:
I am guessing "It" is the tree at the end of the first paragraph.I really like how you're showing what is going on and it's almost like a completely different voice in my head is telling me all this information.
3rd paragraph:
I love how you end it. "But the boss was happy, and that was all that mattered". Although the forest is completely destroyed. And that the wildlife and envoirnmental activists obviously are not you put that in thre.
Overall:
-Great descriptition
-Have fun with sentence legnth
-Commas and semicolons are your friend.
-Fantastic read
Cngratulation on this being your first work published on here. I cannot wait to read more!
-Ash