Chapter 1: My Wolf Mother Makes Me Fight an Army of Monsters.

by LordZeus

Published April 16, 2016

In PJ Fanfiction

PreviousNext

Once again, I was sidelined at gym class. I sat on a stool near the window of the basketball court, looking out of it. My class had an uneven number of boys, so whoever was picked last at anything sat out. As the least effective player at most sports, that person was usually me. I looked out across the highway to the beach beyond, and the sea.

A light breeze brushed my face and I smiled, picturing how that breeze would become pelting rains later in the year. Then I looked at the boys playing basketball in the court. They ignored me, which was perhaps the best I could expect from them. They had never once said a kind word to me. I felt a feeling of incredible anger towards them, and wished that they would be punished. My anger grew as I imagined punishing them myself, picturing what I would do to them if I could.

Suddenly, I felt a strong pain, which shook me out of my thoughts. I realized that the basketball had hit me on the head and bounced back into the court. Yet they continued playing, as if nothing had happened! At that, my anger escalated to a scorching degree. My fists tensed, and suddenly I felt a strong breeze on my face, with a smell that I recognized: The scent of a coming storm.

I looked out the window to see grey clouds forming over the ocean, hovering for a moment, then  flowing towards me. The clouds floated through the window, around me and settled over the gawking tenth grade students, frozen in shock. Then a loud clap of thunder sounded, and rain poured down onto the students. Many of them screamed at the unnatural phenomena as they all ran at full tilt out of the room, several slipping and falling on the now wet floor.

When the room was empty, I stood up and leaned on the windowsill as I watched the clouds dissolve into the air and disappear. I was weakened and drained of energy, and I sensed with utter certainty that I had brought on the storm. I felt scared at what I had just done, and desperately wanted to understand things, and for the world to make sense again.

Suddenly, I heard a sound, and turned to see that a wolf had leapt into the room. It had a brownish red coat and its eyes glowed silver. It turned its gaze to me and I felt its thoughts come into my mind. Come, Ari Patel, descendant of Neptune. I will take you where you belong. Then it walked out of the room. I wondered how it knew my name,and perhaps more importantly how it could speak to me in my mind. I also wondered how I had just done what I had done. 

I realized with a jolt that I was dry, despite the rains. The area around me was a circle of dry area in a room of wetness. My mind was bursting with questions, and I felt that the answers lay with the wolf. I felt that I was crazy in following a magical telepathic wolf, when I could have easily become her lunch, but I instinctively knew that that wouldn't happen. So, I followed the wolf to a new life, and hopefully new beginnings. As I reached the doorway, I heard a chilling howl that resounded throughout the halls...

I stopped writing in my journal as I heard the same howl, telling the entire pack that the break was over. I slipped the thin notebook into my backpack and slung it on to my back.Then I turned off my torch and clipped it on to my belt before walking towards the cave entrance. On the way, I noticed a broken piece of glass and decided to check out my reflection, something I hadn't done in weeks.

Right after I saw myself, I leapt back, surprised and disgusted. That...that can't be me. I thought. My black hair was a mess, my dark eyes seemed to glare without meaning to, and my light brown skinned face was rather dirty, plus a feather ha somehow gotten stuck on top of my head without my noticing. It could've been there for days. I was still in the clothes I had left with, my blue t shirt, jeans, sneakers, and a black hoodie.

Well, at least my traveling companions aren't really concerned with looks. I thought with some relief as I removed the feather. And there will be plenty of time to get cleaned up once I reach Camp Jupiter.

I'm nearly there! I thought excitedly. Lupa had told me the day before that we would reach Camp Jupiter the next day. I couldn't wait to finally joi the Legion! After leaving my school, I had been travelling with Lupa's pack for months, across the country (from Queens, New York where I had lived to San Francisco). We had stopped by at the cave where I was in for the night before taking the final leg of the journey.

When I reached the entrance, I saw that the rest of the pack had already assembled:over a dozen of large grey wolves with large fangs. They seemed agitated, as if something was wrong. Lupa turned to me, and I saw an emotion in her eyes that I had never seen in her before, in the months that I had known her:fear. Seeing that chilled me to the bone, as I knew that whatever scared Lupa, the bravest and strongest creature I knew, would terrify me.

Child, I sense a disturbance. she said in my mind. Camp Jupiter is threatened. I sensed the coming danger, but I never anticipated that it would come so quickly. We must move at once. You may very well be their saving grace.

"Me?" I squeaked out. "Lupa, I mean no disrespect, but despite the training you've given me, I'm no hero. I'm a geek. Plus, I've never even fought a monster!"

Lupa gave a low growl. However, it was not an admonishing growl like what she would give me when I showed weakness (And believe me, I've had enough of those to know), but a warm, reassuring growl that warmed me and made me feel better.

Your bloodline alone makes you a hero, child. And as for fighting monsters...you are very strong child. Both in powers and spirit. You have the character of a true hero. And now it is time to prove yourself. This is what I have been training you for.

I gulped but nodded. Despite my fear, a part of me still yearned for the chance to prove myself to Lupa, whom I had come to look upon as a second mother. So I steeled myself for what was to come as I followed Lupa out of the cave.

A couple of hours later, I was running beside the highway with the wolves, trying to keep up as best I could.

A man said "Good Morning." to me as I passed by, probably thinking that I was another early morning jogger. He was seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was surrounded by wolves.

When one brushed his trouser, he looked after it with annoyance and said, "Stupid chihuahua! Watch it!"

Now, I understand that the mist covers up godly or monstrous things in the mortal world, but seriously? I looked at the wolf next to me. His shoulder nearly came up to my armpit, his green eyes tared hungrily ahead of him, and he bared is large canines whenever he passed someone. He didn't much look like your average chihuahua.

Suddenly, I heard Lupa's voice. We're here. I stopped running and looked ahead to see what looked like a maintenance tunnel. But one that had been brutally attacked. The steel door looked like it had been brutally ripped off its hinges n been thrown on the ground before the entrance.

Oh no. said Lupa, looking alarmed. They reached already. I don't believe it...

Walking inside, my stomach churned as I saw a pool of blood. I immediately elt like puking, but I held it in. Feeling pale with fear, I moved forward. Lupa ordered her pack to stay behind as she followed me.

I ran quickly through the darkness, and after a few hundred yards, I made it out into the daylight. Then I gasped as I saw the terrifying sight that Lupa herself had been afraid of.

In front of me, the green grass covered land sloped down steeply to a valley, ringed by a river that flowed from a lake within the camp. And on my side of the valley, I could see a huge army of monsters at the bottom, in combat with those whom I knew were from Camp Jupiter. Hundreds of teenagers dressed in a weird combination of t shirts, jeans and roman armor held their lines on the other side of the river, along with a few dozen adults dressed similarly, whom I assumed were the veterans.

I saw that, for the moment at least, the Legion held the monstrous horde. There were only a thin line of monsters on the other side of the river, but the monster army kept pouring over the river, and I knew that the Legion would soon be overwhelmed.

"How can I fight that?" i muttered to myself as I surveyed the monsters that I had heard of from Lupa. but never seen. The laistrygonians, dracanae, and telekhines all looked much more dangerous in real life than heard of.

Do not despair. said Lupa, looking at me with her silver gleaming eyes. You can still beat them. You are descended from the Lord of the Ocean. Water is your lifeblood. Harness it!

I looked down at the river, and tried to exert my will over it, to make it do as I saw fit...and failed. I tried again, and it still didn't work. Crying out in frustration, I tried again and again, but still failed.

Cam down and focus admonished Lupa. You can do it. I know you can. Think about what you are trying to do.

I nodded, and took a deep breath. I looked at the tall buildings of New Rome, and the coliseum. And I felt a connection with it. That place is my home. I realized. Even if I've never been there, it's where I belong. And I have to protect it.

I closed my eyes, focused, and let my thoughts flow. I reached out my hand felt the water below me. I pictured myself grabbing the water and pulling it up. I opened my eyes, and saw that a sheet of water was rising from the river. I need it higher I thought as I slowly raised my hands, feeling as if I was lifting up an elephant.

The sheet of water continued to rise with my hands, as both monsters and Romans stared dumbfounded at what was happening. Sweat trickled down my neck as I raised my hands above my head, the sheet of water now thirty feet tall.

Enough. said Lupa. I nodded as I pulled my hands towards me, and the water fell down in a titanic wave on the monsters. I held my fists straight, keeping the waters swirling until I felt that enough damage had been done, and then unclenched my fists, allowing the water to flow back to the river.

When the waters had receded, only yellow dust that was being blown away, and some armour and weapons were all that remained of the vast army that had once been there. Suddenly I felt weak and dizzy, as if I had run a marathon. But I smiled as I saw the Legion finally gain the upper hand, as they made short work of the monsters that remained on their side of the river.

Suddenly I heard some shouts, and saw that some monsters had seen me with my hands raised, and knew that I was responsible for the destruction of their army. At once, all the monsters on my side of the river left standing started to charge up the slope at me.

Unarmed, and too weak to run or fight, I could do nothing but stand frozen in terror as I watched the army of nearly a hundred monsters bearing down on me.

To make matters worse, I felt so dizzy that I fell down on my side. Well, I'll be easy food for those laistrygonians. I thought grimly. With any luck, they'll be so grateful that they'll show mercy and kill me quickly before eating me.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
erilea
Review
erilea wrote a review Review · Apr 25, 2016

Hey, LordZeus! It's Artemis here, and I wanted to review because this seemed like a very nice Percy Jackson story. :)

First off, I want to comment on how the main character gets angry at the beginning. You say that the ball bounces off his head, and the other people keep on playing. Yet how can they keep on playing if the ball bounces onto him--wouldn't they have to retrieve the ball first?

Also, when you have the colon and the part about the scent of a coming storm, there should be a space after the colon. Like, "A smell that I recognized: The scent of a coming storm."

There are a number of nitpicks here. The first sentence says that clouds form to flow towards me. That doesn't sound right. How about, "I looked out the window to see grey clouds forming over the ocean, staying there for a few seconds before flowing over towards me." And I'm also wondering why a school would be built so close to the ocean.

A comma is used unnecessarily here. The one after "window" needs to be deleted. And finally, in the last sentence you use "many of them" twice. This doesn't sound right, so perhaps you should use a different phrase?

"I looked out the window to see grey clouds forming over the ocean to flow towards me. The clouds floated through the window, around me and settled over the gawking tenth grade students, frozen in shock. Then a loud clap of thunder sounded, and rain poured down onto the students. Many of them screamed at the unnatural phenomena as they all ran at full tilt out of the room, many of them slipping and falling on the now wet floor."

Okay, just look at this chunk for a moment. Do you notice anything? "I felt" is used three times. That's a whole lot for a few sentences. Repetition isn't always the best thing to use, so maybe you'd want to replace that with something else.

"I felt weak and drained of energy, and I felt with utter certainty that I had brought on the storm. I felt scared at what I had just done, and desperately wanted to understand things, and for the world to make sense again."

Another thing--this wolf, Lupa. I know who she is and everything, but it's kind of weird and a bit too convenient that she shows up just after Ari summons the storm. The entire storm thing seems to take a few minutes, and unless Lupa happens to have some type of prophetic skill, she shouldn't have been able to run all the way to where Ari was in the matter of a few minutes. She should probably be somewhere in California.

And also, it seems a bit awkward. Ari acts like he already knows everything about this wolf, to the fact that Lupa is a she-wolf and she's magic and that she has all the answers to his questions. This seems like a ton of info for this guy who met her a few seconds ago. Maybe try to slow things out a little. Ari has to actually meet Lupa before becoming some type of expert.

In addition, it's a bit strange--this thing is so detailed, and then we find out that he's writing in a journal. Normally, people don't write in journals with so many details... maybe it's just me but I wouldn't include so many little things.

There are a lot of things I have nitpicks with, to be honest. Such as there happens to be a piece of glass in a random cave. And that Lupa is extremely talkative and tells Ari their destination and how there's even a Legion. And that Lupa is somehow forgiving Ari for having fear. This just isn't Lupa, you know.

But it might be just me being too picky. Overall, I know it's a really neat piece. The suspense is great, and although there are a few typos, I'm sure you can fix them. This is great! Good job writing this.

XOX,
Artemis28

Hey artemis, thank you for your very helpful review! I will address everything you said in order:

I changed the part about the basketball.

Edited that typo

Edited

Actually that comma is grammatically correct. Without a comma, it becomes that the window was around Ari, which isn't correct. It's a common mistake though.

Changed two of the 'i felt's'

Will be explained in next chapter.

Ari doesn't know everything about the wolf. Just due to his Roman bloodline, he sensed a connection to the wolf. Since it spoke to hi telepathically, he assumed that she was magic. I do not think that that is implausible. As to the sensing that she was a 'she'... I kinda used 'she all the way through before realizing that Ari wouldn't have known, so added that line to make it make sense. I've turned that part to 'it' to make more sense.

Ari's a bit weird that way. He likes being articulate and detail.

Sine Cam jupiter is in danger, and Lupa sensed that something as coming, and that Ari could help, I felt that she would inform him and take him there, unlike other recruits, as she couldn't afford to waste time. Also Lupa, forgave Ari for having doubt, not fear. i know Lupa would never forgive fear.

thanks! i was actually wondering whether to continue this. Do you think I should? Anyway, thank you for the great review! It was detailed and really helpful.

User avatar
Yitzu Review
Yitzu wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2016

WOWOAH.
First off, let me tell you that this has a really good start! I can feel the Percy Jackson vibe coming from this piece. You've definitely captured that tone very well.

I have found many mistakes, but I've sure you're aware of the simple grammatical errors you didn't quite catch before posting. cx

I also would like to comment on the transition of parts. Like, the she wolf coming into the gymnasium. You should make it more easy, instead of it coming on so suddenly. I would also recommend describing what exactly happened in a brief paragraph getting you to the den.

Although, this is wonderful. Keep it up.

Best of luck,

Yitzu.

Hey, thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you liked this. I have edited all the grammatical errors I have found, and added that paragraph to show the transition. However, I'm not sure about the wolf part. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what you meant. Could you give me an example to show how I might change it please?

Hey, thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you liked this. I have edited all the grammatical errors I have found, and added that paragraph to show the transition. However, I'm not sure about the wolf part. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what you meant. Could you give me an example to show how I might change it please?



We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer