Wow, that was such a beautifully worded poem. Because it's in freestyle, it reads like a love letter and it makes it even better. I love the descriptions of colors in the beginning. Honestly, the whole first stanza is amazing. Especially the line, "a gentle hue, an ocean of safe". The part where you said "you make me want to exist." made me want to cry because of how simple yet deep it was. Overall, I highly enjoyed this. Thank you for making it and I cant wait to see your next poem!
Hello there Cloudkid!
I am Kostia and I will give you a brief review and my honest opinion on your poem.
I will begin with my opinion which was that this poem is very sweet! I rarely see such sweet statements around here nowadays! So, good for you!
Now to the review.
Wording:
Your vocabulary and phrasing was very well put, simple but emotional. I liked how you played with words and colours throughout the text. Especially here:
"A gentle hue an ocean of safe
Especially when I myself am blue"
I really liked what you did here!
Structure:
Your stanzas are nicely put according to the themes that emerge from the poem. Nothing to note here.
I wanted to point out that even though I am a lover of free verse writing style in poetry, there are some cases that rhyming would make a poem sound much better. I believe this is one of them. Your poem has the atmosphere and the feeling of a love song. For that reason only I believe that trying to add some more rhymes (because you already have a few) would make it better.
If you don't feel like it my opinion is to exclude the rhymes you have already since it can be confusing. Read it out loud to see my point.
Spelling and grammar
Nothing to note here apart from a minor detail.
"My our pen" I believe what you meant here is "May our pen"
Overview
That was a fairly good read. It was simple and amusing. Well done!
Keep writing
Best regards
Kostia
120,186 Literary Works • 648,968 Reviews
Points: 39
Reviews: 28
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