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by Bullet

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Points: 40
Reviews: 3

Mon Sep 16, 2019 12:29 am
erennaci wrote a review...

Hello, my fellow writer! I'm here today to review your lovely poem!

I really liked your poem overall, but a few things bug me a little.
First of all "watching the sunrise through this window," in this sentence the "this" doesn't have much context; maybe using "the" or "my" could make it better.

And that fourth verse...It was really emotional and has hit me right in the feels; especially because I am a person who struggles with the concept of god.

The second verse was good as well, it tells the difference between our dreams and reality of life pretty good.

The theme itself especially affected me because I just left my hometown (it was for 11 years) for college.
So this amazing poem really gives me an emotional insight about leaving and coming back to the place we used to call home.

I also liked the fact, that the poem is kinda written progressive.

Other than these praises I can say that you describe the emotions without explaining them too much, and that is a really good quality in writing in both poems and novels.

I hope you continue to write your poems so I can read them furthermore!
Have a nice day!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Panda

User avatar

Points: 40
Reviews: 3

Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:55 pm
erennaci says...

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556 Reviews

Points: 26285
Reviews: 556

Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:42 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello my dear friend, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day and to help get your work out the green room for you.

Okay let's begin.

So I only saw one thing wrong that I would like to point out.

When its two am and you're at Waffle House

The word in bold is what I would like to talk to you about. So you are trying to say 2:00 AM in this sentence so maybe change the am into AM. because when i first saw it I read it as am, as in I am. I hope you get what I mean.

But other than that I really liked this poem even if it was beyond sad and it reminded me of something I have had to do. But to me that just helped me feel what your feeling better, it helped me understand what you meant, this really was a very meaningful poem, and i enjoyed reading it a lot.
I loved the flow you have here to, it just helps us feel the emotions even better, but that's because all of your punctuation is all in the right places.

So this was a really, really well written poem and I can't wait to read more of your works, I hope you will post again soon, because this poem really got me hooked and I can't wait to see more! Have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
Reviewing with a fiery passion!


Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst cause. But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.
— Shylock, The Merchant of Venice