(One of my earliest works!)
The Hunter
He trod his way down the byway,
That wound its way through the glen,
The Geese overhead on their flyway,
His gun cock beyond their ken.
As he raised the barrel toward the sky,
His bloodhounds awaited the call,
With the musket raised up to his eye,
His finger did only just stall.
Bang! cried the head of the musket,
Tinker; said the bullet shell;
Off went the hounds of the Truskott
As goose and feather fell.
The death of one living for sport,
Tis a ghastly thing to tell;
Of one's life cut so short,
With no thought, no a farewell.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,849 Reviews
Shina, you're advice is worth more than a solid gold exact size replica of the Lady of Liberty!
Hey Iain ^^ I came to review another one of your poems. I like this one and I don't like animal killing either. It's a really stupid sport.
Though I can't really help much with the poetry punctuation since that's not my forte, I'll just go with the meaning of the poem.
Like flower, I like the idea of this poem. At times the rhyme scheme ate up the whole poem, but I think you managed to pull it together. I'm going to challenge you. Try writing a free style poem, one that doesn't rhyme. Or perhaps try another rhyme scheme altogether. Explore different ways and methods of writing because you're not limited to only one way.
Also, showing and not telling. I've noticed that you tell rather than show. Telling is saying "he did this, she did that" and showing is using more imagery.
Rather than saying "the pizza was delicious", describe the aspects that make it so. "A waft of steam rose from the dish, making my mouth water." Stuff like that. It hooks the reader more when you involve all of the senses.
You have good ideas, now just send your emotions. Emotion is key in writing ^^
Good Luck
Shina
Wow this is touching to me, if that's not to weird for you. I am a animal lover and I hate it when they die, it is one more life. Anyway you are a great writer. The detail in this is amazing. I don't think it could get any bette! Keep writing.