Chapter 2
I dumped my bag on the bed, looking around in wonder at the room. It felt so alien, like I was in someone else’s life. Dirty clothes littered the floor, and I wondered, am I that messy? There was posters of bands I had no clue about, books I’d never seen, and clothes I’d never remembered buying or wearing.
What am I doing here? I felt like such an intruder. Sighing, I sat down on the creaking bed, feeling lost and overwhelmed.
“Are you all right, Luke?” Kate said, poking her head through the door. Her honey blonde hair, with streaks of grey was pulled back into a ponytail, her eyes looked tired and there was a certain weariness about them that disturbed me. I felt like it was my fault that I couldn’t even remember my own mother’s name.
“Yeah I’m fine, thanks.” I said, trying to pull a smile but I guessed it probably looked strained.
Kate smiled and shut the door, leaving me to unpack.
“Luke? Visiting hours are over. Wake up.” A muffled voice said. Opening my eyes, I yawned and looked around. The room was dim, but I could see the outline of Victor’s face, as immobile as before. How long was I asleep for? I thought, looking up at Al, who was behind me. He didn’t look tired at all though, but that might be due to the coffee he held in his hands.
“How long was I out for?” I asked Al, blinking and trying to rub sleep out of my eyes.
He grinned, his teeth coffee-stained. That was funny, I remembered seeing his teeth earlier and they’d been perfect. There was something else… Ah, the scar. When I looked up at him you could see a thin, white, twisted scar curving from the top of his eyebrow down to the corner of his mouth. I’d never seen it before.
“Only an hour, don’t worry.” Al said. “You want a coffee?” I nodded and he handed the warm beverage. Wrapping my hands around it I shivered. Something about Al was off, and I didn’t like it.
“Al.” I asked, my mind whirring. “Is something wrong? You’ve changed…” I trailed off. No, that wasn’t what I had wanted to say. My mind was foggy and my thoughts where sluggish. Looking up at Al I was horrified to see the sick smile plastered over his face. No longer did his eyes look kind and grandfatherly, now they looked cold, sharp and cruel.
“All, w-what’s h-h-happening?” I said, barely able to get my words out. My body was slowing down and I was so tired… so tired… Al lent down to me and whispered in my ear;
“It’s alright Luke, just relax…
**
My fork clicked against my plate, and I winced. Kate sat opposite me, her eyes red and her hands shaking. I stared at her, trying to recall anything about her, but it was like I’d only just met her even though she was my mum. Hugo, her husband sat next to me. His thick brown hair was sticking up at odd angles, making me think that he pulled at it a lot in frustration.
“So, are you all right to start school in a couple of weeks? The doctors aren’t sure when your memories will return, but it has to be soon. If we just schedule a couple more counselling sessions, do you think you’ll be alright?” Kate said.
Hugo suddenly stood up his face as red as a beetroot. He slammed his fist down on the table, making both of us startle.
“Of course not, Kate! He’s just woke up from a coma, can’t remember anything and just found out his twin probably won’t wake up! What the hell do you think? We live in bloody Chicago, the real word!” He yelled, spit flying out of his mouth. Kate went as white as a sheet and with shaking hands got up and cleared her plate, walking like a zombie.
Hugo put his face in his hands, and as I got up I could hear the unmistakable sound of sobbing.
**
I had a headache, no a migraine. It burned into my temple, and I felt like someone had just lit a match and my whole head was on fire. I opened my eyes and was welcomed to the sight of the bedroom. My bedroom. Sitting up, I winced as the pain reared its ugly head.
There was a burning sensation in my stomach, and it was almost like hunger, but less obvious. I got up and found a steaming bowl of soup on the bed side table, alongside a note.
Me and Hugo have just gone to visit Victor, be back in about an hour. Don’t worry, the doctors said you were just under a lot of stress and fainted. There’s some Panadol in the bathroom if you need it,
Mum
Grinning, I hovered down the soup, which was delicious. I slipped on a black, Arctic Monkeys t-shirt and some jeans, and grabbed my keys.
I needed some air, to clear my head and hopefully help my headache. I looked around the spotless kitchen, grabbed an apple and headed out to the garage to get the bike.
The wind that pulled at my t-shirt felt refreshing and I welcomed it, pedalling down the narrow suburban streets.
I was just riding, I didn’t have any specific place in mind, feeling the wind whip my hair back and hearing the crackle as the wheels of my bike sped over dry autumn leaves. For the first time since I’d woken up, I felt alive and free. My calves burned but it didn’t matter, I ploughed on. I thought of Victor as I pedalled, and how Hugo had said that he might not wake up.
It was almost like fate had picked one of us to live, and that made me feel horribly guilty. What did I have to give? I couldn’t remember anything about my past, I mean I didn’t know when my birthday was, or my favourite colour.
That was the thing. Thinking about it, what was my personality? Don’t your pasts affect your character? Does that mean I just have to start afresh? Shaking my head, I pedalled, my bike racing over the endless strip of pavement. Gripping the handles so hard my knuckles turned white, my body burned with frustration. I wanted to scream, and punch something. With renewed vigour my bike raced past houses, my legs acting on auto-pilot.
I pedalled like that for maybe fifteen, until my legs started to burn. Slowing down, I pulled a hand through my hair, panting.
On the corner of the windy suburban street was a large office flat, it was just a dull grey box and stuck out like a sore thumb among the wealthy suburban homes. I pushed on, my breathing coming out in short pants. Outside of it was a cardboard sign, pegged up on the power line poll. It read;
MORGENSAN AND SON’S REALESTATE
I was about to jump back on the bike and continue riding when something caught my eye.
The sign, it was like it was shimmering. It twisted and transformed, like the carboard was changing colour and growing thicker, from a single sheet of cardboard to what looked like a metal plaque. Too stunned to do anything else, I read what it said.
WELCOME TO THE AWVT, WHICH STANDS FOR THE ACADEMY OF WEREWOLF AND VAMPIRE TRAINING. YOU CAN READ THIS SIGN BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME EITHER OF THESE.
IF YOU DON’T WISH TO BE IN ANY PART INVOLVED WITH THIS, AND PERHAPS THINK WE’RE CRAZY, PLEASE LEAVE.
IF YOU ARE CURIOUS OR PERHAPS JUST EXCITED TO JOIN, PLEASE ENTER THE OFFICE FLATS, AND SOMEONE WILL BE AT THE RECEPTION TO GREET YOU.
My brain took a while to process the words. It wasn’t that I was a slow reader or anything, I was just completely stunned. I looked around, to see kids snickering in the bushes because of a well-thought out prank, but was met with an empty and quiet street.
I read it again and again, to make sure that my eyes weren’t deceiving me, but each time I read it, it was the same. What the hell is this?
I must be going crazy, because I want to go in there. I mean if it really is a prank then what have I got to lose? I mean what are the chances it really is what it says? I thought. Shaking my head I propped the bike up against the poll and walked towards the door. The ominous, grey door that had behind either two things.
End of chapter
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Kate, strangely enough, reminds me of Annabeth from


'Percy Jackson.' The blonde hair and the grey.
Any who, the beginning was very good, I became instantly hooked, making me want to read more. The way how the main character didn't seem to recognise anything made me want to read more to find out what was going to happen.
It was like a horror story, as the character was panicking and didn't know what was going on, that made me worry too as I only knew as much as Luke did. Throughout the story I was hooked and had to keel on reading. This is very affective in writing and a skill that is hard to learn. There was a good full to it.
GO HOODS!
Good job, keep on writing
From LLZ
Flame here! Go Icicles
! I'm totally not jealous that you're equally skilled in prose and poetry...
!
You've really developed a nice flow. The descriptions compliment the action, rather than slicing through it, and they paint some beautiful images. I also have to compliment your pace--extremely well-measured, dialogue reduced to a minimum, action successfully fused with description.
Just one thing: the middle section seems kind of abrupt, like it was just thrown in there. Thrown in there to distract the reader, which appears doubly strange because your primary focus's obviously the dream. I'd suggest balancing it out by interrupting the dream. Explore the narrator's thoughts, emotions, his struggle to wake up. I'm also curious as to how he fell asleep so fast. Well, not exactly fast, but cutting things off with dialogue isn't always the wisest idea. Maybe popping in something like "Then I surrendered to unconsciousness" will smooth out that wrinkle.
My more specific nitpicks fall a little flat, because your grammar is, for the most part, solid. Hope you don't mind me sticking them in a "spoiler"...
Spoiler
Predicate-noun agreement. Switch "was" to "where."
I'd recommend expounding on or rewording this. "I had no clue about" is a bit of a vague term.
The bold sections are the edits.
Comma after "'yeah.'"
I'm struggling to see how these two expressions directly relate.
Accidently switched to second person POV here.
This mistake is echoed in a lot of other places, so I'll mention this once: When an introductory phrase is four or more words, a comma should follow it.
Also, quick lesson on dialogue: If a period concludes it, but the period's followed by a speaker's tag, then the period should be replaced with a comma.
Switch "where" for "were."
I think you meant to say "bent down".
Comma before Luke, as he's addressing them.
Other mistakes: comma splices, missed commas, and such. Just quickly consult someone on grammar, and you'll be fine there.
I also caught some redundancy, sentences that were only a reflection of the previous sentence. Always see what you can clip without affecting the meaning.
Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more
Wow, thanks so much GoldFlame! Thisreview was really, really helpful in editing it!
No problem! High-quality writing enables me to focus on smaller, less important things
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