Published June 14, 2007
* this is something that i wrote quite awhile ago when i was going through some things...i'm not the best.*
The memories these bruises make
are like the wounds themselves,
dissapearing into nothing-ness.
But these scars leave painful
memories that fill my dark heart,
which was once light.
* thanks--Lora
it almost feels like something's missing yeah??
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Thanks...
I have longer poems in the work, but i'm rather picky to the ones i'm thinking about posting.
So thank you, and i hope that you will read my other poems that i post...when i actually get to it.
---Lora
Ah, poems with emotions... These are always interesting to critique.
Well, yes, it's short. That doesn't leave much room for....much of anything.
The one thing you really, really want to do with emotional poetry like this, is make the reader feel. (I have an article that expands on this idea, which I will direct you to rather than go on and on about it: Emotional Poetry.)
Right now, your poem doesn't do anything for the reader, it's more like commentary on that time. Poetry needs to speak to the reader, while expressing your own feelings.
That's really all I have to say...
Happy editing.
No problem. Me gusta mucho! Bien trabajo,
Heather xx
Lo Ciento! no, you're right...i did spell disapearing wrong...great...
it wasn't really meant to be to long. i don't like poems that drag things on to much, so i like to keep mine a bit shorter. (no offense to those long poem writers!)
Muchas Gracias!
---Lora
How about a semi colon at the end of the second line and I'm not sure that disapearing is spelt right but I'm from England so spelling might vary for that word. Other than that, it is a little short and I'm not sure about 'nothing-nss' but there's some raw emotion behind this and if you expand it, it has the potential to be really good.