Young Writers Society

Grabbing my school bag off the hook, I stormed out of the front door and into the cold, damp street. I didn’t bother to shield my head from the rain; I was only going to school, after all. Every time I saw my reflection in the puddles on the pavement I felt worse than I had five seconds ago. My appearance and my identity were two things that I could never get away from. The two things that no-one would forget. And I resented myself for that. I pushed the burning question to the back of my head. Again. Always the same question.

As each rain drop fell to the ground, I felt as though I was being dragged down with them. Every rain drop that landed on my head and shoulders seemed to add to the heavy weight that had been placed on me ever since I had found out. It seemed as though there wasn’t anything that I could do to escape this miserable feeling. The face that glanced back at me in the shallow water reflected my sullen mood. My brown hair, darkened by the water, was flat on my forehead, almost reaching my knitted eyebrows, and my tight brown eyes. My mouth was down-turned; an almost permanent feature of my face.

As I started to get nearer the school, I noticed more people walking around me. But never too close. No-one forgets a person like me, and people avoid me for who I am. Okay, so socialising isn’t my strongest asset. Correction: it’s my weakest asset. I’ve grown to ignore it now; grown to ignore the people and the looks that they give me. Sometimes the looks on people’s faces are different, like they are trying to each tell me something different with the expressions on their face, but I can’t interpret it. I don’t understand. Another weak asset. My only reassurance in my life is that I know the reason for my problems. I’m lucky in that sense. A lot of people don’t have the answers that I do.

Reaching the school gates, I felt the full force of the stares that were directed toward me. Stepping through the gate, and feeling the awkward reaction that my appearance there had produced, I quickly sped up, and headed for my tutor room, knowing that I would be the first person to walk into the room. As always.

But today, I was wrong.

Hastily pushing the classroom door open, I instantly felt the freedom of being alone again; away from the awkward stares and silences, and best of all, away from other people. Yet, glancing around the room, I quickly noticed that I wasn’t quite alone. I stood, full of uncertainty, in the doorway, wondering what to make of the situation. I didn’t have to wonder for long, because it wasn’t long before Mrs Brady, the head-teacher, involved me in conversation.

“Ah-ha! Jamie. Good morning!” She smiled brightly at me.

I didn’t return her cheerful mood. “Mrs Brady.” I nodded at her in acknowledgement, but immediately averted my eyes from hers, feeling uncomfortable.

“You are just the person I wanted to see! I am so glad that you’re here. Brilliant!” Mrs Brady burbled. She is the most patronizing woman I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Her appearance just then simply dampened my already foul mood, and I felt the strong urge to scowl at her. “We have a new student in our midst! Jamie, this is Anna McKenzie. She’ll be in your tutor group, with Miss Rowe. Isn’t that exciting?”

Mrs Brady gestured towards the girl who I now knew to be Anna McKenzie. She gave me a small smile. There was an expression in her face that I couldn’t quite make out. She looked nice enough. She doesn't know yet, Jamie. She'll be just like the rest, you'll see. I tried to smile back, through my black mood, as I took in her appearance. She had bright, blue eyes, that regarded me carefully, and her white-blonde hair shaped her face nicely. Her electric blue highlights stood out strongly on her almost white hair. She still had the same, small smile on her face as she continued to watch me, and as our eyes met, it widened. I felt instantly awkward, and looked away. I turned to take up my usual seat in the classroom, as far back as possible, and tucked away in the corner, so as to avoid the usual unintelligent smirks from Tom Holland and his entourage, and the hushed whispers and knowing looks from Katie and her close circle of friends. I sensed the two watching me, but didn’t turn around to see the expressions on their faces. I wouldn’t have been able to interpret them anyway.

As I sunk into my seat, pulling my dog-eared Advanced-Level Biology textbook out of my bag at the same time, I wondered what Anna McKenzie had thought of me. Lost in my thoughts and a diagram of the human anatomy, I had hardly noticed that she’d followed me to my seat. She lingered next to the desk for a minute or so before I raised my eyebrows at her slightly, and her smile faltered a little. I regretted it immediately and quickly pulled out the chair next to me for her. Once I was satisfied that she had got what she had wanted, I turned back to my Biology textbook and I let it completely engulf me.

We sat in silence, alone, for the following seven minutes before the school bell rang to signal the start of the day. I was surprised that she hadn’t tried to make conversation with me. Maybe that was still to come. Or maybe I had simply scared her with my foul mood earlier. I’ll talk to her later. I promised myself. I knew how it felt to be isolated from other people, and I didn’t particularly want to dump that feeling on her, especially on her first day at a new school.

At that thought, I closed the Biology textbook quietly, and turned my attention to the people who were slowly making their way into the room. After deliberating over what to say, I finally turned to face her. “Anna?”

She looked at me, obviously surprised that I had spoken first. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry if I seem to be… a little awkward.” I looked at her, fleetingly, in the eye. “Socialising isn’t one of my stronger assets, I’m afraid.” I glanced at my hands, which were still touching the cover of the textbook, and pulled them onto my lap. I rubbed my palms together, trying to think of something useful to do, trying to make the awkward silence seem… Well, less awkward I suppose.

She smiled. “That’s alright...” Her voice trailed off, and she seemed to be thinking of how to phrase what she wanted to say. “I understand. It must be hard for you.”

“Who told you?” I snapped. “Who told you about me?” I turned away from her, and faced the front of the classroom, where Miss Rowe was setting up her laptop, ready for registration. I couldn’t believe Anna knew about me. She hadn’t even been here ten minutes, and she had already singled me out. Who had told her?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was simply suggesting that meeting new people is hard, for everyone. All I know about you is that your name is Jamie, you live in Oxford, and your tutor group is 10B. Happy?” She cocked an eyebrow. “I’m sorry if I seemed to have suggested something else, but I was just making an observation.” She added, as an afterthought.

Before I could return the apology, Miss Rowe addressed us. “Class, I would like to introduce you to Anna McKenzie. She has joined us from London, and she will be in our tutor group from now on.” She smiled at Anna, and continued. “Anna, if you go to the school reception, the secretary, Miss Hebble will provide you with your timetable for this year and a map of the school. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to talk to me.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Anna leave her seat and exit the classroom. I frowned, scolding myself for not taking the liberty to apologise when I should have. As I heard the door shut, I reminded myself that I didn't want company, so there was no need for me to apologise. The thought comforted me. I wouldn't have to endure the awkward silences for long.

She'll leave you alone soon enough. She'll be just like the rest...