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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hello there Llama! I'm just on a role with reviewing your writing today
Dogs here as usual. Lovely poem you have here, I like how it's mostly dialogue based. It gives me a new look at poetry that I rarely see on YWS. You write in great rhythm and I almost have no criticisms about the wording. But there are a few extra small bits that you could add in that would really make this piece excellent. Let's dive in now shall we?
Unless the title is the first line of your poem, I would suggest you just leave it out of your post. Just go in with the poem, because we see the big ol' black title right above your poem, and we don't need to read it again.
Nice starting stanza, although, I think you need to add in a few more extra pieces to make it really "pop." A good one to add in would be defining the colors of the vase and the rose. It's something that could really have a nice touch to your writing. Try to make a visual wonderland for the reader with these two items.
I like the "My love... My muse" part in your writing. I would suggest, however, that you add in at least one more stanza about these two committing their love to each other and how cute they are. Than have the rose die.
The last stanza is probably my favorite, it's well written and gets a point across smoothly. All and all this is a great poem that just needs a tad bit more "umph." Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Thank you dogs!
The title is a big let down, I understand. But I never gave it a title when I wrote it so it came in a hurry without much thought.
hey,
first of all i am Umaima and I will be reviewing your poem today
Your poem is really good like really really really good. The rhythm is really nice and I see you have made it kind of rhyming by making every second line rhyme with the forth and that really works on this poem. well it can be said a short and sweet poem. You had a specific idea when you started writing the poem and that's what is the most important thing. by the way there are some spelling mistakes you would rather watch out.
Like in the last stanza it should be fragrant not "fragant"
other than this I would prefer you to make each stanza with equal lines whether it be 3, 4 or 5 but well that doesn't matter if the poem is really very good.
wholly I enjoyed reading your poem.
You really are you good at poems so keep writing...
Thank you so much for the review umaima! Yes, in all my works I lack the perfection of spelling.
Welcome Llama, I really think you are great at writing so keep working on it