I hate the cold before the rain,
But love the rain itself.
I love to rest in bed when sick,
But hate the ill of health.
I love the scent of fresh cut grass,
But hate its prickly feel.
I love to dream throughout the day,
But hate to return to what's real.
I hate the sand upon the shore,
But love the crashing waves.
I hate the never-ending dark,
But love exploring caves.
I love the smell of the dentists room,
But hate the frightening tools.
I love to laugh at silly jokes,
But hate the common fool.
I love to love the things I hate
But to hate the things I love
Would be a lie to my heart and soul
And the world that I am part of.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hiya Llama! Selene's here to review!
Nit-Picks:
I don't really like the repetition here with your two "to"'s. I think it would sound better if you changed the first 'to' to 'the'.
To help the rhyme better, you should make 'fool' plural.
'Dentists' should have an apostrophe.
Wh-wh-what? I understand where you're coming from from the lines followed, but you love the things you hate? Then that means you don't hate anything, and love everything. Sorry, that's just a tad confusing.
Description:
If you added more to description to what you hate and love, I think it could definitely bring this poem up a level or two. Try and add detail to what you like and don't like, maybe describe why. You're only telling the reader you hate this and like that, but the reader wants to feel what your saying, not just be told it. So add detail, make it rich with it, because I saw a lot of places that you could have added a descriptive adjective here or there. Make this sparkle, because I know you can do it!
Overall:
I liked the concept of this poem and thought you ended it on a good note, but there's room for improvement here. It seems that this is a good building block, so you can take this poem from good to great. Good luck with future writing and I hope to see more of this in the future.
If you have a question, feel free to PM me.
NASTY NITPICKS are always first. So, here goes.
The last line has rhythm issues. One syllable to many. May I suggest 'And the world I am part of.''whats' needs an apostrophe.
A good way to end the poem. One suggestion: take away the first time you said that if you want to. Only if you want to. The poem is neither better or worse with it there.
I must say I liked it. It is a good poem, with feeling, but not too much feeling. A good balance.