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My screenplay - A World Unseen (PLS HELP)

by LizzyDear


(Hi all! This is a script for a short PSA on racism for my film class. My concept is based upon understanding racism from a visually impaired child who has never held the concept of race or color unlike his peers, and it's meant to take you into the world in his perspective as he doesn't perceive people physically but perceives their humanity within them-- and encourages the audience to embrace that view. My pitch was chosen to be produced into a short film, however as this is the first time I've dealt with writing a film script, I'm having trouble with translating that concept into a script. It's meant to be short, but it just needs *something*. I just seriously needed guidance and a bit of help on this as this kind of writing is totally new for me, and I feel a bit lost. 

PLEASE focus on the dialogue as that's what I need help with, the 'stage directions' are totally irrelevant, they don't matter. I just need some guidance on the dialogue as i'm at a bit of a loss for what I can do. This is so important to me, and I need for this to be at it's potential.

Thank you for all who held me in advance, you would seriously be a lifesaver!)

A World Unseen

INT. — THE CLASSROOM/DAY

A full classroom of school children listen to the teacher (MRS. SAMWELL) explains the lesson for the day. The majority of the children are visibly bored and tired, however there is one student that seems to stand out; A young man. He sits in the very middle, his gaze looking elsewhere as if he weren’t paying attention, though his expression begs to differ. His eyebrows knit in a fit of confusion as he appears to be lost, but nobody seems to pay any mind.

MRS. SAMWELL

(Pointing to the board)

Racism can be defined as when an individual treats another unfairly because of their race…

The shot zooms into the peculiar young man sitting at his desk, still looking confused. MRS SAMWELL’s voice fades out into a muffle as the sound of his voice talking in his head overlaps.

DANIEL (VO)

I hear pens tapping, whispers floating. A breeze brushes my skin, sunlight streams in.

The shot pans throughout the other children in their desks within the classroom

DANIEL (VO)

Lily is whispering to her friends, always quiet. Jackson can’t sit still. Someone’s asleep.

DANIEL (VO)

And Mrs. Samwell... her voice feels older, softer, more patient than I could ever be.

DANIEL (VO)

This is my normal

DANIEL (VO)

We’re all people. Normal. Humans.

The shot turns back to MRS. SAMWELL as she teaches from the board

MRS. SAMWELL

We all look different, don't we? We all come in different colors, and hold different features that are unique to us; where we come from.

DANIEL is then shown once more. He remains facing forward with a lost gaze as his fingers began to feel over the skin upon his arms, and his hands

DANIEL (VO)

I-..Don’t know..

MRS SAMWELL

Just because we look different doesn't determine our abilities or behavior.

We yet again find Daniel, whose hands soon feel over his face, and the features upon it. His expression only grows with more confusion as he continues to lack understanding of MRS SAMWELL’s words. However, the shot changes to the perspective of DANIEL who is seemingly looking around the room. Though some light is shown, his perspective is majorly blurred, and almost completely dark.

DANIEL (VO)

Do I look different?

DANIEL is then shown, feeling over his hands and his arms once more.

DANIEL (VO)

My skin feels like skin. Is it different from the others?

DANIEL (VO)

Does color have feeling..?

We get a first-hand view of all the others within the classroom. The students, all getting along, some laughing, some doodling on their papers, or contently watching the teacher

DANIEL (VO)

We're all students, teachers, neighbors, future parents, leaders of our generation. We breathe, we walk– we’re human.

A small pause would pass as we focus upon DANIEL yet again, all noise around him falls to a quiet muffle as his words are the only piece of audio heard within that moment

DANIEL (VO)

(Emphasis on his words)

So why does ‘race’ make us so different?

The sounds from the setting around him fade back into existence as MRS. Samwell continues the lesson at the board.

MRS. SAMWELL

Our race defines how we look, everybody is different in one way or another.

DANIEL, who hasn’t spoken up this entire time, finally becomes the first one to speak out.

DANIEL

(Out loud)

Is that really all that matters?

MRS. SAMWELL

Well-

MRS. SAMWELL, still unaware of who is speaking to her, finally turns around to see that DANIEL was the child speaking out to her. She takes a small pause, unknowing of what to say.

The film concludes with the children looking at one another along with MRS. SAMWELL, seemingly reflecting upon themselves, and the slogan “PERCEIVE HUMANITY” forms upon the screen whilst the setting fades into dark.


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1091 Reviews

Points: 134
Reviews: 1091

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Mon Nov 27, 2023 8:40 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shall we begin with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Mrs. Samwell is teaching the class about racism, but Daniel doesn’t understand, because he is blind to race. He questions Mrs. Samwell on “why it matters”.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that it would be nice to see more of Daniel’s thoughts, but that’s just an idea.

Chocolate Bar - I love how you show that to Daniel, race does not matter. Only who they are as a person. It’s a unique perspective that honestly everyone should have.

Closing Graham Cracker - A short piece that gets the message across on how race shouldn’t count when it comes to human spirit. If everyone saw the world like Daniel did, the world would be a much better place. I enjoyed reading this.

I wish you a lovely day/night! Good luck with this in school! :>




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Thu Nov 23, 2023 1:27 pm
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
I know it's been a little while and you probably already turned this in, but I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


On first impressions, this was really good, and what I imagine to be an accurate representation of what it's like to be blind and exposed to racism. There are lots of great elements that make it a joy to read and really nice for as short as it is!


If I could offer any sort of advice, I think I would extend the end a little bit. I know it's meant to be short and sweet for school, and that's absolutely one of its really good qualities, but I also feel like the topic could be further delved into if the teacher had actually responded.

I mean, something like adding her take to it. Like, yeah, does she think race is all that really matters? And maybe giving her a negative response to the question so Daniel could further the argument that it truly doesn't matter at all.

But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, it would have to be the way this feels realistic and also seems to move at a realistic pace. It's a very short scene and takes up about as much time as it would in an actual classroom, so kudos to you for doing that!

There's also a lot of emotion and built-up tension from the beginning to where the teacher turns around and looks at Daniel, which adds a lot of depth and makes it seem even more realistic.


Overall, this was great! And there's not a lot I would personally change here. But I hope you get the grade you're looking for, or have gotten the grade you were looking for! This was really nice and fun to read, and it most certainly adds an interesting perspective to racism!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!





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