stop right there.
I have just taken antibiotics and neurofenplus
and I am waiting for your body
to come waltzing through the doorframe
(you tore the door off last June, in rum, in rage)
and whip my hair like a helicopter.
the shards of skin, the blisters, the welts
are only bloodandpus tonight – please,
please turn away from them, watch my eyes,
lick my eyelids, grip my lashes.
push me into your orange wax, swell against me.
I don’t know how many times I have told you I love you,
that my sheets freeze without you,
my curtains turn frigid. how many times
have you breathed into the dishes beside my collarbone,
made me shiver in broiling fits?
however many times it is not enough. stop.
my chest is thrumming and cold strums my skin.
where? you are in Forever? but –
I am not sure I can do this, I have always been one
for cheap thrills – slinkies, ribbons, alcopops.
you are a freeway, and faster than I know and now
I flick the slow-motion, and there is the stop,
the delete, the quit, the exit, the forget.
oh, but no, I would rather smother myself in this avalanche.
I am wrapping myself around you, and tying myself there.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow. That's the only word I can think of at the moment. Wow.
Your mix of language, unusual and innovative, powered this poem along brilliantly. This is what poetry is meant to be: a journey through the poet's head, and that's exactly the feel I ot off this poem. The theme of love (I'm assuming that's what it was) was dealt with in a way that I would never have thought of in a million years. And that's always a good thing.
I generally hate leaving a comment with criticising something because I don't think it's beneficial, but in this case, screw it. I loved this, and love is blind. There may have been problems, but I couldn't see them. Well done.
By the way, to anyone who thinks lyric poetry is somehow not as good as other types, read this. It'll change your mind. Thanks.