The Songs That Saved Me

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Well...that was one of the powerful prologues I've read. It will certainly do its job as a prologue really well here. It just captures everything you'd want to see in a scene fitting for a prologue right here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The smell of gasoline hung heavily in the air and I struggled to breathe, coughing every few seconds. My head was pounding and my world was upside down. I looked around me and tried to remember why I was in a car.

That's when it all came back to me - The bright light, the screeching of brakes against the wet tarmac, being flipped over again and again....

Well, that's a lovely point to start a prologue with, of course, not a very lovely situation, but as far as getting a reader's attention goes, things don't get too much better than this right here...very powerful opening there, with this person clearly recovering from a dangerous car crash.

I heard a soft moan from beside me. I carefully turned my neck, checking for injury, until my gaze fell on my mother. There was a deep cut on her forehead and it was bleeding heavily, her blood mingling with her tears as they ran down her cheeks.

"Mom?" I asked in a choked voice.

Oh no, I already have a horrible feeling about this, stories that start with scenes like this never end up making it easy for the protagonist. I cannot shake the feeling that either the mother or the daughter will end up dead here, and considering who's POV we're currently in, this looks like the end of the road for the mother...pun not intended

She turned her head to look at me, wincing at the movement.

"Baby girl, you’re bleeding!" she whispered, looking at my head.

Slowly I raised my hand and pressed it gently to my scalp. I felt sick when it came back wet and sticky with blood. And yet, I felt no pain - it was like I was numb.

Hmm, I am loving these descriptions and dialogue so far, its all been pretty darn realistic here...and we really do get a super realistic sense of what's taking place here, with the whole accident, and the way that the two of them reacting to the situation they're finding themselves in here.

Pushing aside my own injuries, I worried over her.

"Mom, you’re bleeding too." I said,staring at the blood and glass embedded in her auburn curls, so like my own.

"Just a scratch" she replied hoarsely, before coughing violently.

Well, isn't that exactly what one would expect a mother to sayy...ahh, this is tapping into emotions already, a really powerful start you've got right here...and that feeling is only getting stronger now.

When she was finally able to breathe again, she spoke with more urgency.

"Baby, I need you to listen to me. There's gas in the air, which means the car could ignite any minute. I need you to try get out of the car, can you do that baby?"

Well, that seems like a reasonable assumption to make their, if the car's fuel tank was somehow breached with the accident, its not too common for that to happen, but it looks like the mother is just making sure to be as careful as possible here.

"But what about you Mom?" I asked.

"I'll be right behind you, baby."

Oh I don't like the sign of that at all...that never ends up meaning anything good at all..under any circumstances I've witnessed before in scenes like this.

I nodded and tried to push myself up with my right arm, only to collapse in a heap sobbing, when a burning pain shot through my shoulder. I wished the numbness was back, it was easier to deal with than this pain, this white hot burning pain.

"I can't do it Mom" I sobbed. "It hurts too much"

"I know baby." she said soothingly."But I need you to try, I need you to push through it!"

Wow, this depiction of the injuries is really spot on here...I mean, its not like I know what a situation like this would actually feel like, but from the bits I do know, this is very realistic here...and that's lovely to see.

Gritting my teeth to hold back my sobs I pushed myself up again. I was close to blacking out, but somehow I managed to remain conscious and crawl through the car window, that no longer contained any glass.

I lay on the ground not having the energy to push myself up.

Oh dear...the daughter is out of the car, but I just get the feeling that this mother won't be following...I sincerely hope not, but this is a prologue...

"Now you mom." I said turning back to her.

"I can't baby." she said crying.

"What?! Why not?" I asked confused.

Oh no, here we go...very realistic, I will say that, but also a rather sad fact here. I do have to wander though, what sort of place did this crash occur and why is there no one at all even just attempting to help them here. Especially the bright light you mention earlier, that seems to indicate other vehicles were involved and are possibly nearby, so no one at all stopping to help seem especially cruel there or just a bit unlikely.

"My leg is caught, I can't move it. I'm stuck here. Now you need to move away from the car, just in case."

"No, I can come help you out mom!"

"NO!" she shouted. "No. I won't risk you! Now move back."

Yeah, this is heading in the worst possible outcome this prologue could have although I suppose, an ending like that would also be the most powerful and most likely to get a reader to want to continue reading further.

Slowly I dragged myself a couple of feet back from the car.

"Mom -" I began, but she interrupted me.

"I love you 'Rena. You’re my whole heart, you understand? No matter what happens, you play your music okay? Its part of you, and your gonna be a big star one day!"

Those are definitely last words.

"I love you Mom." I replied, wiping the tears that were streaming down my face. "Your gonna be ok, nothings gonna happ-"

But something happened.

I was cut off by an explosion and thrown backwards.

I was out before I hit the ground.

Well...I have to say, explosions like that don't really happen in real life as far as I know, it could catch fire, but explosive reactions are very rare...buuut...well, that nitpick aside, this is a really powerful cliffhanger here...very emotional too...a really strong start you've got right here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a really powerful start here, and a very emotional and personal feeling death here as it begins, even though we know neither of these characters that fact that our protagonist loses a parent hits home pretty hard, much harder than the death of a random character would, and I'd say this is a pretty awesome prologue here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

First off, I already really like this. The emotion was great and very sad.
The only problems seem to be punctuation.
This sentence is going to be my example:
[/u]

"I love you Mom#FF0000 ">," I replied, wiping the tears that were streaming down my face. "#FF0000 ">You're (this one was probably just an honest mistake. Just got "your" and "you're" mixed up) gonna be ok, nothing#FF0000 ">'s #FF0000 ">(left out an apostrophe, that's all.) gonna happ-"

"I love you#FF0000 ">, Mom#FF0000 ">," I replied"

Usually, there is a comma when somebody in dialogue is addressing somebody else. In this case, she is addressing her mother.
And after the dialogue is over and you have something like, "I replied" then that would require a comma right before the closing quotation marks.
If there's an action after the dialogue then it would be a period.
Example (I'm making up these examples):
"The notebook is in the desk," he said.
"The notebook is in the desk." He sat back in his chair.
Other than that, I don't see any other problems. I can tell this is gonna be an interesting story. Keep it up:) I'm looking forward to more!
~LadyPurple