The twelve lettered word - Homeschooled

Homeschoolers unite! That being said, this is a very interesting topic to write on. I've never really thought about writing about homeschooling.

I agree with the other reviewer about formatting, as I think it could use some. I also think that this could use a few more details. I mean, right now this talks about homeschooling, but not really what it means to you. It's more about the stereotypes than really showing what it's really like.

Typing away at my... what is it? Four, three year old computer?

Really a nitpick, but I would switch around the numbers for guessing how old the computer is. Usually the lesser number comes first and then you go up in your guess.

And yes, I do have "days at the office" even if I am twelve years old young, and if it matters, I am a girl.

Another nitpick, but 'old' works better than 'young.' I do love how your age in this poem connects back to the twelve letter word of the title.

I think 'day at the office' is repeated too many times, though. You have it three times in the first four lines of the poem. And, this might just be totally me, but I never thought of school as a comparison to work. Torture, yes, but not a 'day at the office.'

But my day at the office is simply bliss; it's doing what I love.

I think a semicolon would work better here, instead of a comma.

Satisfaction may come from you in (like it does for me) taking a wonderful click of a camera,
or maybe it comes from releasing yourself onto a piece of paper with nothing more then a pencil and that ever so wonderful eraser.

The lack of formatting in this piece made this part really hard to read. And, I'm not really sure how exactly this fits in with the poem. I mean, finding the one thing that clicks in your life is important and easier to find when you're homeschooled, but I'm not totally sure it fits. Or, I'm not sure that the underlined part really fits, especially as you list the thing that makes you satisfied later on in the poem.

Here's another part that could use more details:

We don't just learn about butterflies and rainbows and what's two plus two.
Yeah, I know that one.
It's five...

You said that we don't just learn about butterflies and rainbows, but what do we do learn? As I've said before, I would like more detail as to what homeschooling really is rather than what people think it is.

People always ask me, "What are you going to do when you get to college and you haven't graduated high school?"

I know that this is another 'clueless about homeschooling' remark and that standards are different depending on state and country, but I graduated high school. Yeah, it was all at home, but it was still high school and my parents have made a transcript and everything. And, yeah, that's a total personal remark on my part, but it does lend to your poem needing some more details on homeschooling.

I really do think that a contrast of what people think and what actually is would be nice. But, all in all, this is a great poem. It needs a bit of work to make it read better, but it is an amusing poem about an interesting topic.

- Tatra

You get brownie points for humour:

No, we do not still drink from our mothers breast.

Couldn't stop laughing there. I didn't even know that stereotype existed, but it'd be a fair one to invent, nevertheless. Having never been homeschooled (but I definitely wanted to have been!), I can't really say that much I found in your poem was different to what I'd imagined it to be. In that regard, it was rather unoriginal. But still humorous.

I object to the title. What is the significance of having the 'twelve-lettered word: homeschooled'? What does the fact that it has twelve letters add to the meaning of the poem? It has an initial cheese-factor, trying to hook us in, but since you never expand on it, never explore what connotations twelve letters can have (not even through structure, subtly, by having a twelve-line poem, for example), it falls flat. Instead of having any kind of impact, it acts as a cheap technical device to draw people in.

You might like to rethink your lines as well. You don't need to end a line at the end of a sentence. Enjambment would work reasonably well in this poem; breaking up the lines halfway, creating more impact perhaps. The way the lines are currently spread out over the page makes me think of icing haphazardly spread on a cake, an oil spill, a hastily done hairdo. If you don't care about your poem enough to give it some kind of structure and not seem to ramble across the width of the page, we as readers will not care enough to want to read it to the end.

Lastly, I can see this is meant to be a conversational piece. Meant to dispell stereotypes about homeschooled kids. And that's fine - as long as you're not excessively harping on about it. For example, you could be a lot more subtle, perhaps even less casual throughout it to give a feeling of eliteness. After all, you do say 'when your kids are working for me,' implying homeschooled kids are superior. Humour is fine in places, but lines like 'For me, a typical "day at the office" is being couped up in my small room. Typing away at my... what is it? Four, three year old computer?' just don't work. They sound like maybe a diary entry, a beginning of a speech to the class (whoops, you have no class) about what homeschooling is really like, or even a debate speech. This impression of dryness is dispelled - momentarily - at the brief flashes of humour, but is not aided by the fact that there is little visual imagery for us to cling to. Just a series of simple, literal sentences. Consider motifs or symbols to incorporate in to lift the level of writing.

WRITERS NOTIE: Yes, I know 2+2=4.*

Nah, two plus two is the square root of eight, actually. Does homeschooling not cover vector addition in the syllabus?

People always ask me, "What are you going to do when you get to college and you haven't graduated high school?"
And ten out of ten times I want to ask them in the same sweet sarcastic "I'm-so-much-better-and-holier-than-you" voice, "Well, what are you going to do when your kids are working for me?"

This is so true! I think this people are disoriented, and I know how hard Home-Schooled kids have to work for people to accept ... they're normal. I am bilingual (my first language is Spanish), I have friends, I am smart, I know how to have an intellectual conversation... etc.... and I am a proud Home-Schooled girl. *Sol waves at LiveScreamWriting*
Peace out