Daylight Companion

Salutations!

You said you had written this poem a while ago and thought you'd share it; well, thanks for that! I enjoyed it, as it was simple and thought-provoking. I've been reviewing poetry more often lately, but I'm still limited in the advice I can give, so I'll try to make this review as useful as possible.


Before we get into the essence of the poem, I'll just get the technical stuff out of the way. So, first off, I love that your array of conjunctions consist of more than simply "and" and "but" - "though" and "for" are some of my favourites, although the latter is often too formal for me to use it naturally in most instances. As a note, though, "for" should also get a comma in front of it (only "and" and "but" have optional commas). I wouldn't point this out if you had written in punctuation-less free rhyme, but since you try to apply commas appropriately everywhere else, it's best to remain consistent. Also, you used "for" thrice, and because it's so formal, I feel it's more easily recognisable. As a general rule, the more recognisable a word is, the less often you want to use it, since the odds are higher of the reader taking notice and having their rhythm interrupted. For "for" here, I suggest using "as", if you feel like it. Personally, it's one of my staples, as it's less conspicuous. (See what I did there?)

You also have some comma splice errors here and there. I'm not sure how widely known this is, but the comma splice error refers to an instance wherein a comma appears where it doesn't belong. "She is darker than me in color, / and cannot express how she feels," is an example of a comma splice error, as the second phrase/clause is too closely related to the first to justify a comma. "until she is again wisped away, / by the ever changing sky." is a more clear-cut example of this error.

I am guilty of writing rather long sentences, since shortening them would emphasise them too much, in my opinion. It's a subjective matter I might review someday. The point being you might actually want to consider doing that here. An example:

And like so many others,

she comes and goes

and I will stay behind,

to walk these streets without her there.

Note, again, the comma splice between the last two lines. Now, if you split the first two lines from the last one to yield to separate sentences, you might find your poetry becomes more impactful. Shorter sentences tend to do that, which you ought to notice if you experiment. Also consider removing words that extend sentences but don't contribute much in terms of meaning. Here's a possible way of rewriting these lines:

And like so many others,

she comes and goes.

I will stay behind

to walk these streets without her.

What do you think? Alternatively, you can replace "to" with "and", or even change "to walk" into the continuous "walking", in which case you'd need to precede it with a comma. Those suggestions aside and back to the splitting of the lines, you could also replace the comma with a semi-colon. Semi-colons are highly underrated, yet they're one of my favourite punctuation marks. Play around and see what fits your style. Your options are numerous.

Finally, it's time to interpret your poem. I'm... an editor and prose writer by nature, so this will probably be shorter than the previous section.

The speaker talks of a friend who listens but doesn't talk, and who mimics behaviour without really displaying much of her own. I initially thought the speaker was too self-absorbed to notice their companion's silent... "despair" and "misery" are too extreme... plight! There we go. I thought they were too self-absorbed to notice her silent plight, but it seems she is incapable of finding purpose and fulfillment in herself, therefore seeking it out in others. Similarly, the speaker themselves appear to find validation only when their experiences are acknowledged by another. Both lots are sad, as both individuals seem to require somebody else for their happiness, albeit in radically different ways. This polarity is what makes them good companions, even though it does nothing to address their respective issues.

I enjoy the simple yet effective imagery. The friend's apparent emptiness is illustrated quite well by how she is "filled" with the speaker's problems and burdens, as if she requires an external source to acquire substance, which she therefore welcomes. The way she walks is also reminiscent of a shadow— Oh.

Well, it took me a while, but see what I meant with my interpretation? The speaker's friend is her shadow, thereby making her a constant companion, if one incapable of conversing back. The conversations must therefore be the speaker talking to herself about her troubles, although she might perhaps believe her shadow is indeed listening. Hmm, this adds another layer of complexity to the poem, since the personification individualises the two entities' loneliness, but said loneliness is compounded once realisation dawns.

At first, I thought the two companions were friends parting once one reached her house, but I now realise it's because the speaker returns home late in the day, when the sun starts to set. The forced departure of her shadow is therefore cleverly masked as a logical parting of ways. However, I ought to add that the speaker could always converse with the shadow inside her house by being near a light source, as all light will cause an object to cast a shadow.


I've already praised this poem for its simplicity and thoughtfulness, but having understood it now, I can enjoy it for all that it is. With some refinement, it can be made even more moving. Punctuation and diction should be your main focus, since your imagery is effective and elegant.

Once again, thank you for sharing this! I really did enjoy it.

~ Hunter