Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I stare into the darkness. How nice it would be, just to disappear into the void, I think. No, of course, I could not. I have responsibilities that I could not bear to leave. An eldest daughter and a loving sister, but I can not pass their expectations to be the perfect girl they want; A top student, but that is changing rapidly because there are so many things in my life more important to focus on; A reliable friend, but they are not there for me as I am for them. No one else could sense anything wrong with me. All I have to do to fix all my problems is to smile. They think I have it all under control, but if they pulled up my sleeves and rolled up my jeans, they would know it was the opposite. Scars up and down my limbs; New ones, old ones, horizontal, vertical, and diagonal.
I cry. I am weak, and no one knows. They think I can handle their insults thrown at me, so they try harder. What they teach you about bullying in school is all wrong. They won't stop if you try to assert yourself. They say I am fat, ugly, stupid. I agree, and I try to fix myself. I am forever trying to make myself better. Soon, I fall asleep.
Much later, I awaken. What happens next is hardly important and completely uneventful. I eat: Pancakes with maple syrup. I hate every bite of it. I stand and trudge to the washroom. I lock the door and regurgitate the food I had eaten moments ago. I brush my teeth and grimace in disgust. What have I become? I have become less of me and more of this. But no one cares. The trip to school is short and I am there within minutes of leaving home. I work hard but all I see when I look at my papers is mediocrity. I feel a small-sized item hit the back of my head. A paper. I unfold it. 'Loser,' it says. Mainstream but effective. I look down so that no one can see me cry.
I'm at home now. I don't eat. Instead, I weigh myself. I am ninety pounds today. Less than yesterday. I am proud, but sad. I am not skinny enough. I never will be. I will never be smart enough. I will never be pretty enough. I will never be enough.
It's all become too horrible. All the bullying, and my grades are dropping like a dead body. They all laugh at me so much that I can not take it any longer. I pull up my sleeves, showing my already scarred wrist. This is finally it. I need to do this. No one will even miss me, or the me they thought I was. No one cares anyways, not my friends, my family, my teachers. I'm always alone, so how about I go somewhere better, where I will no longer be alone. I pull out my knife that I had hidden under my matress for this very purpose. It's time, let's hope it's better after this.
I begin to drag the knife across my wrist, slowly drawing blood. Giving me the relief I so strongly craved. While the knife is inside the skin everything seems gone. No worries or pain, yet as soon as it's gone the pain returns almost instantly. All this pain started out as just small cuts, but when the pain relief got shorter my cuts got deeper and more intense, My body, which was once plain, is now a work of art. All my masterpieces drawn on the canvas.
As the blood starts to flow out in thick, deep red bunches. I start to realize: Is life even worth it? Why are we all here if our purpose is only to die? Is this some sick game? Is that why some of us are so much more hurt than others? We're just the side character that's hurting, that no one cares about. That day when we die no one even notices. That's me. That's my life. Being the side character, not my own protagonist. So why don't I just end it now? As that thought comes to be the knife digs deeper. As usual I feel nothing, if anything the cold metal providing my escape. I cut deep enough. Everything is going blurry. This is it. The wound is deep enough I won't make it another hour. But now, as I sit here unable to even process what is happening it dawns on me. Was this even worth it? Do things get better? Black. Gone from this world. In the end, did it even matter?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hello,
Let me start with this,you manage to reflect emotion of the girl on me,and i congrats you on that.I dont agree with tiyu that is distasteful,cause another person feelings can't or musn't be untestfull to you cause you dont know their story,i feal that there is a lot behind this story maybe you were or you are bullied,cause i got the vibe that the person that wrote this have felt the way the protagonist of this story does,i know that i did in some point of my life..The story is well consepted,i loved the last sentence cause it finished the story in the way that i think is supposed to be finished..And please promise me that this isn't you,or that you wont become this,cause you know it will get better,trust me..I hope this review helped you i'm quite new on this site,and i usually write how i felt or what the story provoked in me,keep writing.
~BlackC
Hi Sister!
I really love this story! I'm just going to comment on some things I noticed.
Well, I usually italicize thoughts when using this form, i.e., "Character thoughts, said character thought." Of course, the whole story is basically inner thoughts, and it's a style choice so you can just keep it.
I don't think you need the "but" there because the perfect girl is a part of the eldest daughter and sister. They're part of the same idea of perfection from the point of view of the other siblings and parents.
That's a nice part about the school and bullying, a lot of people feel that way and/or are bullied, so it's very relatable. Great job with that!
Also, I love this line:
You could've used another phrase in here, but the idea of the weight of a dead body works well with the entire mood of the story.
Nice ending! It summed everything up well. I loved the consistency you kept throughout the story- keeping the theme, the emotions (also they get stronger at the end- great!), and the general thoughts of not being good enough.
Some parts could use some stronger language or wording, but it still sends a clear message. Keep writing!
-Falco
Things that I liked:
I think that this story is true in a lot of ways. There have been a lot of people who commit suicide because of bullying. This story acts as a kind of warning in a way. A message not to let things get out of hand.
Things that I didn't like:
I hope that this is not based on a story that you will take part in. I hope that the person that you are writing about realizes in heaven that it does matter. Look at the big picture! If a person were to undergo bullying and live, they could end up helping the children of the future stop bullying, or at least stop it from doing something awful like what you wrote about.
Overall view:
A grate story that is definitely a cautionary tale for children. I hope that in your next short story the people of the world will stand up against this sort of thing. I think that the story line was strong. You have a good grasp on what you wanted the story to be about.
Keep writing!
Sorry if that was too criticized! I didn't think that it would sound so mean.
Thank you! This is actually a great review.
the story left a deep impact of distaste on me... i dont mean to deter you from writing but the way you presented the story of a girl that suicides just because she was bullied is distasteful and sometimes kids had to take such a bold step of ending their life so soon... i request my audience and the readers to never take such a step.. by the way coming back to your story the expressions and the scenic timings can be improved but it is nice... i have just read " veronica decides to die" by paulo coelho which also features suicide but it was very diffrently written... u should read it once just to get the idea of how to present your story .all the best and write more because u will learn more by that
I understand what you mean, but this was written with a meaning. Yea, she dies but the last line says, "In the end, did it matter?"
My readers are supposed to say it did! In this girls last moments, she realized life will get better but it was already too late. Her story is meant to communicate that if you need help , get help, because it can and WILL get better, even if you can't see that! Thanks for the review though. I appreciate your feedback.
ppl like u make this community better.. i appreciate your work and hope to get more from u in future
...
I relate to this so much. I'm not even kidding. I mean, not the cutting. I'm too much of a coward for that. But the feeling that no one would care if I died? The feeling that I was an accident? The feeling that my friends would be happier if I died? Yes. I think part of this problem is caused by my low self-esteem so I always put myself down.
I feel like this is one I should've interrupt.
...You just did.
Yeah sorry...
Good. Anyway. As I was saying.
...Wait, what was I saying? I don't remember.
Oh well. REVIEW TIME!
You like, wasted five lines talking about yourself...
Oh shut up. You know nothing.
...I'm pretty much you. I think I would know everything you know. If not more.
...Shut up.
So anyway.
This is probably me just misunderstanding but you said she has a top student which implies that she is a teacher but then later you say her grades are dropping so then...?
Again, it's probably me just misunderstanding with my tiny brain.
I have to say, you did the last paragraph SO well. I'm not even kidding. Now this is probably because I've been through this person's situations but I could actually feel myself being trapped in that void again. I just. Wow. That paragraph was just so well done. I can't tell you that enough.
And I think that's it. I know I know, not a lot. But you know. It's late at night and I started writing this one hour ago so... yeah.
Happy writing.
Hm, it doesn't feel the same without my brain.
I'm sorry, did I miss something?
Much better.
But anyway.
ThePhoenix has signed out.
WAIT! YOU'RE TELLING ME I MISSED OUT ON A WHOLE REVIEW?
Thanks for the review!
(The top student and dropping grades were meant to represent how depressed people see themselves as worthless, even in they are beautiful smart, and kind and full of worth. But, maybe I should have communicated that more.)