Published September 29, 2011
A young girl sits on her blue crochet bed spread, and wonders why? Why am I on Earth? What is my purpose? She has been asking herself this question for months. Finally she asks god,
“God, what is my purpose on earth?” Moments later, she finds herself falling into the abyss. As she falls she makes out the silhouette of a man. More floating instead of falling he speaks,
“Child, those who asks questions, only fall deeper. Be patient, the answer will come.” With that the man leaves.
The young girl still keeps falling, thinking of the mind-boggling reply the man gave. She came to the conclusion that the man was God, and that she was not really falling, she was sleeping. In her mind she was falling, because in truth; falling, lost deep in her mind with her own mystifying questions that she can’t stop. Her mind-boggling concerns that won’t shut up.
Years later, the Girl is tired of falling. All questions faded or forgotten in her mind. The girl tries escaping. She finds her self in a dark room. She glances around nervously. Finally she looks up, to see from where she was falling. She sees picture frames of all her memories. Of all her questions. Realization dawns on the mature girl. She must answer her own questions, not wait for the answer. She must climb out of her hole and answer every single question herself. That second, she starts her climb.
To move forward, you must first move backward.
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,169 Reviews
Hello Lion!
I wrote the corrections in bold. It's better not to just continue with a monotounous tone. Stop for a while. Pause. Make the reader feel the way that the charachter is feeling. Usually when people are depressed or engrossed in depressed thoughts, they tend to think slow, with a lot od gaps in between. You'de better choose your words carefully as this makes a heavy impact on the readers perception of the charcahter. The word 'earth' could be better replaced with 'world' or 'life'. Make the surroundings more dramatic, instead of just 'telling' the reader what happened to the charachter. Show us what happened instead if just 'telling' us. It's one golden, yet, hard rule to becoming an accomplished writer. These two lines, made me think. An awesome lesson, if you ask me, I just adored those lines. Keep up the good work!Now, to begin with, we all are here, with our raw, yet, to-be-stupendous writing skills. Our writings are at their 'baby' stages and need care, warmth but also some critcism (but not too harsh, or else we'll be discouraged. To be honest, this piece was short, yet VERY Captivating. It has an awesome moral in it and I just LOVED IT! Keep things like this comming more and more, okay? No, let's move onto my least favourite part of the review, aka. the Ugly Critic!
So, here I go...
Keep writing! You've got potential!!!
---IdEa
Hi there!
Short but sweet piece you have here. But in future don't write stories of this length ALL the time.
So anyway, I agree with both comments above. But you say, "Mind-boggling" twice in the same paragraph. Maybe use another word with the same meaning. But when I read over the story, I feel you could have at least told us a bit 'in between'. But in your story its just, BLAM! "Years Later." I
t's so short that I cannot help but feeling that it can easily be made better than it is.
~ T.K
I agree with Madi. Its short- but conveys the message extremely clearly. I really like it because everyone can feel connected with the story in some way or another. My Enlgish teacher would absolutely love this. He's really into the 'meaning of life' and 'answering life's questions'. The Hole Of A Mind is short, sweet and - to me- slightly poetic. The messages it conveys are ones that everybody asks sometime in their lives. It's beautiful. Hope you don't go falling down anytime soon- firewriter.
Very intriguing point of view and opinion. Well written. You were right when you said very short story..... but it gets the message across well. I like it.
I don't know if you'll understand this, but the way you wrote it, I can almost imagine you telling it to me verbally, as though we were sitting at a campfire or something.... very good. xD