Young Writers Society

I do not care that this was posted awhile ago I need reviews and I mean, come on now Lee, its one of your poems, I can not not review it! So, lets get started!

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Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

Firs thing i notice is that.. well nothing! It flows very well and my favorite line, well lines, would have to be "The stormy sea gets ever rougher, And the Devil grows even merrier." IT really punches you, makes the whole poem come together. The only thing I would have to add is that the top line, bold it and make sure to put that it is an authors note so that people don't get confused over it.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that you are suffering. But you wish it would leave, oh so badly you wish it would leave. And you keep falling, the monster happy to oblidge.

Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanks- WAIT, MERRY CHRISTMAS, I CAN SAY THAT NOW! OR HAPPY HANUKA I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hey Little Lee, this is a good poem. I really loved the imagery. I am not a very good poet, myself. I will just point those things, which I feel, would make this poem a better one.
I think storm is a good metaphor for feelings. However, I do not agree with the line 'clouds of anger'. In my opinion, thunder or lightning would have been better metaphor for anger. Clouds would have been a better metaphor for sorrow.
I am not so good at poetry. I always write one sentence and frame next in such a way that it rhymes with the previous line. But that changes the power of the message, I wanted to convey to the readers. I can feel the same here. Especially, when you are writing a poem concerning with human feelings, you can do a good job without rhymes, but at the same time stir some feelings in the readers' heart. I really do like your rhyme scheme. But I had a feeling that something was missing.
When I first read the line "the Devil grows even merrier", I thought you are referring to your angry soul. It is only after I read your reply to Revialle that I understood, you mean the real Devil itself.
But on the whole I really do like this poem. This is a good start. Whenever I think of my first poem, I explode with laughter. Yours is very good. Keep writing.

Hey LittleLee, it's Queenie here for a review. For starters, this is very good for your first poem. I like how you made your feelings parts of the storm. I think that this poem describes anger very well. Now for the critiques. I think to add a little more depth in this poem you should consider adding why you are so angry and what makes your anger last. This would also give the readers more of an opportunity to form a connection with the poem. Also, you might want to only capitalize the letters that begin each sentence instead of every line. I noticed that you are trying to make this a rhyming poem; however, anger and long and heavier and merrier don't exactly rhyme even though they have the same endings. All in all, this is a good poem, there are just a few changes that can be made to make it even better. Keep writing!

I agree with PrincessInk; This is pretty good for being your first.
Though in my opinion, you could add another metaphor for anger, like maybe a fire. That would contradict the storm, and show that the anger you're feeling is a burning one, and long-lasting one. That could also make the poem longer and increase the readers understanding of your feelings.

I also feel the last line, "And the Devil grows merrier" is a bit strong for this poem. While I understand you are angry, the use of the Devil in writing usually symbolizes evil or torture, not anger.

In the line "With each storm, my brooding is longer" I would change 'storm' to a component of the storm, if that makes sense. Like, "With each wave" or 'drop.' Using 'storm' in this case,in my mind, momentarily exits your metaphor and enters a much larger picture. You, in the following few lines, enter back into the single metaphor. I recommend staying within your metaphor; within this storm.

Finally, as for "I cannot understand why I suffer," I feel this undermines your metaphor, making your rage seem like it just happened with no cause. If you are to keep it as it is, though, I recommend moving it above "With each storm, my brooding is longer."

Otherwise, I like it!
As a side note, I'm not the best at poetry, so these suggestions might not be good.

-Revialle

Hi LittleLee, I'm dropping by for a review.

For your first poem, I'm quite impressed. I'm not a large fan of poems that just plainly state their emotions. Storms show something tempestuous and I suspect that's where you're hitting. The imagery here ties well to the theme.

I'm going to be brutally honest and say that I can't really relate to the poem. There's no personal string from the poem that attaches to my heart; that makes me think and wonder and gives me awe. Adding a slight personal touch is difficult, after all. I'd have liked some more feeling here. I'm listening to the speaker; I'm hearing the conditions of the sea--so where is the speaker in here? I feel as if the speaker is detached from the storm? Do they feel the winds? the rain?

I feel as if the poem is restrained by your rhymes. I'm not saying rhyming verse is bad; I absolutely love them--but I feel as if the potential, the emotions of the poem are trapped by them. This, I think, is because some parts feel forced. Rhyming's difficult and often I look and cringe at my own rhyme scheme because it's so stiff. So my suggestion to you here: fix the rhyme scheme.

One line that particularly felt off: "I cannot understand why I suffer". It's being pulled away from the rest of the storm metaphor you worked in and I'm not a huge fan of that. But other than that, this poem had a relatively strong metaphor and I like the tumults in it.