Two days after the meeting, Temu sat staring at the orange sun. The cool evening breeze kissed her face, and she closed her eyes, savouring the simple pleasure it gave her. Eruza was quiet now. She heard no human voices, just the rustling of leaves and the birds in the trees. No doubt she would hear speech when she went back to the village, but for now, she was alone.
Then a twig snapped behind her, and she opened her eyes, thoroughly annoyed. “You’re terrible at sneaking up on me, you know that?”
Lozan walked into her view, looking sheepish. “You didn’t realize until I slipped up.”
“That’s how people usually realize, idiot. Doesn’t make you any better.” Temu knew she was being snappier than usual, but she didn’t care. Neither would he, so it was alright. She patted the ground beside her, and he obliged. “Have they woken up yet?”
He shook his head. “Uncle did call for Titon, but neither of them are conscious.” The twins sat side by side, watching the sun inch closer to the horizon. No words were needed; indeed, no words could convey their relief. With Owerr Greenbark the wood elf’s help, they had finally managed to produce what seemed like a cure; he had given them dried mushrooms collected in Felsenheim, kingdom of the Dwarves, which had reduced Daemon and Endion’s fevers and suck out the poison slowly. It was amazing, Temu thought, that they had had Owerr at hand. He was a nice enough character, but she hadn’t met much of his kind before. For a wood elf from Tsefor to have collected mushrooms in Felsenheim and then travel to Emeril... Luck. Blind, blessed luck.
Temu allowed herself a small smile, resting her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I hope they wake in the morning.”
“So do I.” They sat in silence, and the sun finally departed, the west beginning to lose its pink hue. The breeze picked up, carrying a few leaves before dropping them gently onto Temu’s lap. She idly picked a particularly pretty one up and twirled it. It was as though an immense load had been taken off them. Finally, Lozan stirred. “We should get back to the village before dark.”
She nodded and waited till he rose, then held her hand up. With a small grunt, he pulled her to her feet, then they walked back the few hundred meters to their village in contented silence. They were greeted by Haina, who was standing guard. She scowled at them. “Don’t go wandering off by yourselves in the evening.”
“We’ll be fine,” Temu said carelessly, shooting Haina a smile and giving her the leaf. “We’ll thrash whoever tries attacking us.” Haina looked slightly exasperated, but took the leaf and returned her smile before striding away through the trees.
“Funny how people like you so much,” Lozan said dryly, earning himself a playful jab in the ribs.
They found Titon beside his father, sleeping in a chair. Orchid was there, too, wetting a cloth to apply on her husband’s forehead. Beside them, on another bed, Daemon lay as though asleep, tended by Luna. She had bags under her eyes, but looked happier than she had the two days since the Yavole had all met. “Hello, children,” she said wearily.
“Have the three of you eaten anything?” Lozan asked. “Or shall I just get some food?”
Luna nodded. “That would be good. Titon just arrived, but Orchid and I have sat up most of this time.”
“Don’t encourage them,” said an annoyed voice behind him. Turning, Temu and Lozan saw Casin, head healer, approaching. “Luna, Orchid, go home and get some rest. I insist. Titon and I will stay with them for a while.” He shut down their feeble protests, then sent them packing. Titon woke up in time to greet them, but stayed back as the four headed home.
Upon reaching, Luna and Orchid went straight to bed, while Temu and Lozan prepared some food. I na while, they carried a tray with stew and bread up to where they were sleeping, roused them, and made them eat. The women seemed to be half-asleep as they ploughed through their meal, but they thanked the twins before going back to sleep.
“Let’s go to the roof for a while, shall we?” Temu asked Lozan, who nodded. They clambered up and lay facing the stars, tracing constellations and making their own. Then the wind picked up, and it was a good deal colder this time. Temu shivered and sat up. “I should have brought a cloak.”
“Mm.” Lozan continued to look at the sky, anticipating the morning. “It isn’t so cold. Let’s stay a while more.” They were silent for some time, then suddenly-
“Why do you think we have so many guards?”
Lozan sighed and sat up too. “I expect mother’s worried that the bandits may attack again.”
“I don’t think they were bandits,” scoffed Temu. “By now, you should have realized the whole thing was probably set up to lure father and uncle out of Eruza.”
“I considered it,” Lozan spoke slowly, “But can’t imagine why anyone would want to kill him. The other Yavole like him, don’t they? There hasn’t been any war between the villages in over fifty years. And if not the Yavole, who? I hardly think he made enemies outside the forest.”
“Mother’s not Diavardi. She may have had her own share, who got back at her like this.”
“I never understood the difference between the two human races,” Lozan mused. “We’re not different other than basic features like skin colour, are we?”
“Well, the Diavardi are mostly in the south of the continent, so they aren’t quite as fair. But it’s not just skin; Boreans usually have lighter hair, and fair skin. And while they aren’t as physically adept as the Diavardi, they’re taller and have stronger magic.”
“You said ‘they’ for both races,” he muttered.
“So? We aren’t really either. We’re half-breeds.”
“Titon isn’t.”
“That’s because aunt Orchid’s Diavardi, not Borean. Really, have you ever used that brain of yours?”
He snorted and looked away, gazing past the edge of the village, where he could see the torches. “Look,” he said absently. “The guards are patrolling again.” Temu leaned on her elbow as she studied the little pinpricks of light, weaving like fireflies through the night. “I can’t believe how tight our borders have become,” she groaned. “Haina seems to be stalking me wherever I go; if not her, it’s someone else.”
“It’s for our safety, like I’ve told you,” he muttered patiently. Once more they lapsed into silence, watching the torches. I can’t wait for all this to get over, Temu thought. Once father and uncle wake up, we’ll find whoever was behind this and kill the bastards. Beside her, Lozan lay back down. In a few minutes, he was snoring softly. He’s such a baby sometimes, she thought fondly, looking down at her twin. Ah, the sweet idiot. She watched an actual firefly drift past her and down into the woods. Beautiful. I’m blessed to live in a forest. A city must be fun, too, but I wouldn’t want to wear dresses all the time and sit on my ass like the other women do in them. I’d rather be here, where I’m free... Oh, look, the moon’s rising. And there’s a deer peering at me through those trees. No, guard, don’t go there, you’ll scare- Idiot. And why does he have such a large torch, anyway? And it looks like it’s getting brighter... Wait, it is. What?
Temu stared at the light, then her eyes widened. “Lozan, get up! Now!” She kicked him. He woke with a snort. “Wha- Temu, why-”
“Up, up, over there!”
He scrambled to his feet beside Temu, who had risen, alarm etched in her face. In front of them, the torch had spilled over, causing a large blaze.
“One of our guards must have dropped his torch, that’s all-”
“Look at the fire, idiot!” He gave it another glance, and his jaw dropped. The spilled flame was rapidly multiplying, and in some parts...
“What the hell are those things?” It was taking form. Humanoid shapes emerged from the fire, blazing brightly as they began running at Eruza.
“Sound the alarm!” Temu shouted, but as she did, a horn blew. Then all of a sudden horns were blowing everywhere, and the village was filled with shouts and screams as people emerged from their homes, grabbing whatever weapons they had on hand. Temu and Lozan smashed back into their house through the attic, running to tell their mother and Orchid, only to find that they had already left the house.
“Come on!” Temu screamed, grabbing Lozan’s arm and pulling him to the door as an explosion sounded nearby. They staggered out onto the street, and were met with a horrifying sight.
Eruza was burning.
On all sides of the village, fires raged unchecked, and the flaming humanoids raced through the streets, attacking whoever they saw. Haina rode past them on a horse, yelling in defiance, straight at one of the attackers, brandishing her blade. Before the twins could do a thing, it thrust its hands into the air and the air around Haina erupted into flames. She screamed in agony, her horse collapsing, as the flame scorched her till only blackened bones remained. Temu was numb; she couldn’t comprehend the chaos. The figure stalked towards them, stepping lithely over Haina’s remains. She trembled, raised her knife, unsure of what she was doing-
Then there was a blast of blue magic, and the figure dissipated in the wind. Luna came running into view, holding a sword in one hand, while the other glowed with magic. “Go!” She screamed. “Save your father, go!” More figures were approaching, and she faced them, strengthened by several warriors who rushed to her aid. Lozan grabbed Temu’s hand, and they ran through the streets, smoke burning their lungs, houses crashing around them, screams filling the air-
He tripped and fell face first over a corpse, he didn’t recognize them, but staggered back to his feet and followed Temu, who had taken the lead. They sprinted past fires and fighting, and suddenly were in front of the Golden House. Just as they reached, Titon stumbled through the doorway, eyes wide with fear. He saw them, and ran over. “We need help carrying them out, my mother said to call whoever-”
A huge explosion shook the air and threw them ten feet as the Golden House burst into flames. The roaring fire rose into the night sky, clawing them with heat as they lay dazed. Titon struggled to his knees, screaming.
“NO!” It was impossible; the blaze was too hot to approach, and the entire building had collapsed.Titon tried to crawl to the wreck, but Lozan grabbed him around the waist. He was shocked, this couldn’t be true, it couldn’t-
Another blast took the houses beside them. He scrambled back, away from the flames, terrified, Titon lying hopelessly in front of him-
“Come on!” Temu grabbed him under his arm and yanked him up, then rushed over to Titon. Together, they dragged their cousin away from the flames, only to find themselves plunged into further chaos. All the houses seemed to be burning now, there was that horrible heat and light all around them, sparks shooting gleefully into the air as beams collapsed and people went up in flames. And then Luna was there with a few others, rushing to their side.
Titon was sobbing on his knees, rocking back and forth, ignorant of the world around him, but Temu stepped forward, ashen-faced. “Mother- We couldn’t-”
“Here!” She shouted, thrusting a heavy stone into Temu’s hand. “It’s a Beacon, take it, and take this bag-” She shoved a medium-sized sack into Lozan’s arms. They stared at her, dumbstruck. “What are we supposed to do with-”
“Listen to me. I’ve called for help, but the other villages won’t know until it’s too late. The three of you have to run. Please. There’s a map in the bag, go straight to-”
There was the biggest explosion of all, and a roaring pillar of flame erupted in front of them. Through it strode a huge humanoid, brighter than the rest. It raised a hand, pointing at Luna, and the other figures all dashed forward. The villagers shouted in defiance, rushing to meet them with magic and blade, a pititful sight against the blazing fury. Luna turned back to them. “Please. Please, trust me. Run. Go to Terrianth; our allies will try to meet you there. Whatever happens, do not come back to Emeril until your powers come to you. You cannot help until then. And do not go to the other villages, or they will be destroyed as well.”
The three of them just stared dumbly, before she gave them a tearful but firm look. “Go. Now!” She turned to the huge man of flame, and raised her sword. A blinding flash of light ensued from it, and all the creatures screeched as they made a beeline for her. A couple of villagers grabbed them and began hauling them away. Luna had engaged the attention of all their attackers, and they ran to the edge of the village without resistance.
Then they were attacked by a stray monster, and their escorts fell killing the beast. The three of them stood still, transfixed by their burning home.
“We can’t leave,” Titon said hoarsely.
Temu looked at him through her tears. “We can’t help either; you heard her. Only you have magic as of now, and it isn’t offensive-”
There was a resounding blast of red and blue light near the center of the village, and the whole forest shook with the force of it. The blue light slowly faded, and the entire village was smothered in fire.
“We have to go!” Temu grabbed both of them. “We have to trust her, run!”
And so they ran, feeling shame and shock course through their veins as they plunged through the trees. The smoke followed them deep inside, and mingled with tears, blurred Temu’s vision so badly that she tripped over a root and fell, smashing the Beacon against a rock. She stared at the fragments, stunned, before Lozan hoisted her up and they continued to flee for their lives. How far or how long they ran, they didn’t know, until Titon finally collapsed in sheer exhaustion. The twins had reached their limits as well, and they slumped to the ground beside him.
Lozan began to weep, and they joined him.
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Okay last chapter, (Yaaay!)
First Impression: Okay things are developing even more. Descriptions great as usual. I like the direction the story is headed.
This part is quite neat. But I feel like the way you say it is a bit on the nose. Like you can tell that these people are gonna die because things are getting far too good. But then that might just be me.
“Let’s go to the roof for a while, shall we?” Temu asked Lozan, who nodded. They clambered up and lay facing the stars, tracing constellations and making their own. Then the wind picked up, and it was a good deal colder this time.Temu shivered and sat up. “I should have brought a cloak.”
I think that should be a new paragraph. Its seems weird to just tack that on there.
This dialogue seems a touch manufactured just for backstory reasons. They seem to be just reciting stuff they should already know so that we can know it. I'm not saying it's very obvious but it could have done more subtly. This feels too unlikely that one of them is just that forgetful.
On all sides of the village, fires raged unchecked, and the flaming humanoids raced through the streets, attacking whoever they saw. Haina rode past them on a horse, yelling in defiance, straight at one of the attackers, brandishing her blade. Before the twins could do a thing, it thrust its hands into the air and the air around Haina erupted into flames. She screamed in agony, her horse collapsing, as the flame scorched her till only blackened bones remained. Temu was numb; she couldn’t comprehend the chaos. The figure stalked towards them, stepping lithely over Haina’s remains. She trembled, raised her knife, unsure of what she was doing-
I'm assuming the horse was also torched but also I don't think this Temu would survive being that close. The fire required to burn off human skin that completely would leave far too much residual heat for her to get close and survive without burns. Unless the fire is somehow magic. Is it?
The smoke followed them deep inside, and mingled with tears, blurred Temu’s vision so badly that she tripped over a root and fell, smashing the Beacon against a rock. She stared at the fragments, stunned, before Lozan hoisted her up and they continued to flee for their lives.
That seemed convenient again but again you have to advance the plot I suppose.
So that's it on that. DONE!!
So overall its a good chapter. Well written as always. The magic system is being shown appropriately without too much exposition crammed in. Also some interesting creatures that sound pretty dangerous.
And that's about all I have to say. As always sorry if I come off a little harsh. Take what you think will help and forget the rest.
I'll look forward to seeing more. It's fun to review though it doesn't quite fit the stuff I read. Its a little too flowery and vague at the moment for my taste but written really well so I'll read on a bit more whenever it comes out.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'll try slowing down the pace a bit.
And yes the fire is magicalAs for the Beacon, well, it needed to go before they ran out.
Thank you for today. You made me really happy.
I don't know if I'll be putting up anymore chapters, but I'll tell you if I do!
You're welcome. Glad I could be of some use! And yeah please tag me if you put out a new chapter.
Yellow, 'tis gravity that summoned me to review this myth.

I know I gave you some small comments on this already, but I thought I'd review it since it's my favourite chapter so far. Let's get started. But Myth, You didn't say why it's your favourite chapter and claimed that it's your favourite already! Patience, young Padawan, patience; it's only natural for you to question.
Alright, let's begin. I want to say that - in all that I've read so far - it shows that you've kept realism a priority. By that I mean that; you've managed to keep even a fanasy piece, as believable as possible. Now, when I say piece; it obviously includes the plot so far, the characters, the setting, etcetera, etcetera. It isn't easy to just engage the reader with the story, unless it's believable to an extent. No genre is an exception for this, and you've done a good job there.
Another thing I like is the pace of the story. It's smooth, it's steady, and it's comfortable. There were no instances where I had to read twice to understand. You're pretty descriptive. I wouldn't say you're too descriptive because it really doesn't mess with the pace of the plot. IT'S PERFECT!
That's pretty much all I have to say. I had fun reviewing this.
KEEP WRITING!!!!
Yours sincerely,
Myth
Thanks for the review, Myth! I really appreciate it.
You really improved on your dialogue!! I love how fast-paced and emotional your story is. I find the use of magic and races really interesting and fun. You did an awesome job!
Thank you!
Hi LittleLee!
Shade here to review your story!
I don't know if I've told you this before, but I really like your story! It's fast paced and exciting, and it seems like something I'd enjoy reading if it was actually published. I also loved the fact that in your fourth chapter you introduced a character called Seraphina. Coincidentally, that is also my middle name. xD
I only noticed a few problems in your story, and I'm going to point them out.
First, there was this sentence.
There is definitely a typo here. I can't even tell what you were trying to say, although I'm guessing something like "After a while".
The transition here doesn't flow very well. I think you should revise it.
In all, this was a very well writen story and I loved the attack on the village. I look forwards to seeing how this all plays out in the end, and what part Seraphina has in this all.
Keep writing
-Shade
Thanks for the review, Shade!
Oops, I meant "In a while" !! It's a typo, I'm sorry. I should be more careful.
Thanks for pointing out the transition. I'll try changing it a bit.
I'm glad you like it!