Writer's Announcement
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LH Apologizes for the late issue for the new chapter, LH is busy at the moment, things kept coming up, LH hopes that you like the newly issued chapter 2. LH sincerely hopes that you laugh at this sentence.
There might have some really made up things at the last few paragraph I apologize readers (this chapter is starting to explain into depths of like you know area etc.), And something special you readers should heads up to. @@@Everything in this story is made up at the spot@@@ So If you have any ideas/suggestions/fan-ish things you want to see in the next chapter don't be shy to state/comment at the bottom of this lovely story!
Lastly Enjoy this issue sincerely! It will still be continued with your support and likes, probably little amount of spare donations will help too. :)
~LH
Young Man’s Tale
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Few years gone have by after the incident, about 5 years I presume? The boy and his pap’s lives have gotten harder than before. They had to cultivate more land, harvest more food as the population of Gregteness began to fluctuate. The boy’s memory of who he had fallen for turned into fragmented pieces that could be hardly be restored even with the greatest of minds. The only thing that he remembered was the beauty of her smooth skin and the glossiness of her hair, though recently he had started to think that all he remembered was really just a dream. He had grown into a man within these few years under stress and tides of inconvenience given by the constant trouble of the patrolling guards.
‘Ah… the setting sun sure made the sky bright orange. Reminds me of the tomato soup that your mother used to cook for you, Connor.’ Pap said dreamingly towards the sky, then followed with a cry.
Connor remained silent, as he had been hearing his Pap moaning about his mother every now and then. The only thing going on his mind was all about money; hoping he would get a good profit from what he had harvested today. Oh he is not those people that are craving about money in their brain the whole time, unlike those dignified men in the town.
There went Connor lifting those freshly cooked bags of loafs on the cart for his second time. “One, two, three!” Puff.
–Donkey slowly dragging the cart into town- the clucking of the hoofs crunching down onto the gravel road.
“Hey young fellow, … May I take that donkey of yours for 30 gold coins? I need that lively animal of yours for my travel down the road to a Kingdom call Sethherd.” An aged man exclaimed.
Nothing more than a squabble; Connor loosen the straps around the Donkey and traded it for gold.
The rest of the journey was just tough to Connor but despite the rocky roads he had passed he still thought the trade was worth it. Donkeys cost way less than horses, about 10 to 15 gold coins depending on their age, and horses are just double the price of donkeys. He could just go back home with three other donkeys with the extra money he got from that old chap.
The town was noisy. The streets in town were smoked with charcoal and reeked the smell of dirty sweat. As Connor walked down the wide streets to the centre of town he could see children in ragged clothes hiding in each and every dark corner. Peasants, he said.
He came to the town square, where all the trading of supplies, equipments occurred. Connor casually dropped the handles of the cart at a spot and started crying out loud, announcing his arrival and readiness to sell what he had. Each loaf cost 1 silver coin, wasn't that much really, but the loafs were pretty cherished in this town so selling them wasn’t a problem. There were about five thousand folks living in Gregteness, poor to rich, evil and kind. But none of them had the heart to donate to anyone that was a panhandler, so the kindness in Gregteness was only towards the riches. Gregteness’s mayor was also not a very standup man; he couldn’t do anything without the help of his sheriff, so basically the whole town was under the hands of the sheriff but he wasn’t important, really.
About two hour had gone pass, the sun was about to set and customers were coming less frequently at this moment of time. Connor started getting ready to move down to the stables for a fine donkey, as he was packing a cold hand tapped his shoulders. He was frighten a little, but as he turned he saw a lady wearing a dirty old cloak with her long glossy hair sticking out and her beautiful lips revealing out from the cloak. He couldn’t really make out who she was. But by the ring on her finger it showed that it wasn’t just any normal folk in town. Some high ranked lady probably from the kingdom.
“Do you still have some spare loaf?” Pleaded Lady.
“Uh… yeah? But you don’t seem like some poor lady at least pay half a silver penny.” Connor firmly said.
“I don’t have any on me at the moment please spare one or … just half a loaf, anything! Please!” she pleaded harder.
“Alright, this isn’t much, but should keep yourself full for the night.” Connor sighed.
“Thank you! Thank you. !” The lady blessed his kindness and walked off.
Connor from afar sees her with the bag of loaf, taking each and every piece of loaf and gave it to the children that were starving from hunger, and even to those were dying from diseases. Connor smirked and went off to the stables for a donkey. The dawn of the new moon arises, as he leaves Gregteness, the chilly wind swiftly brushes through the hair of Connor, hmm her lips ... reminds me of something …
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hello LH, Subtle here for a review on review day! Since I read the first chapter of your story I thought I might read the second chapter as well. I have to say, there has definitely been some improvements in your story.If you keep going at this pace, I think your ending might be epic! However, I noticed you are still using Arabic numbers instead of words to express numbers. So in future, keep this in mind. I can see much more imagery developing in this chapter. The dialogue also flows a bit better, and I liked the ending. The feeling of suspense of who the lady was, I will bet on my two pennies that it was the princess.
I think you meant, few years have gone by.Alright, now let's get on with some technical things.
Whoa, slow down there, tiger. Can you give us a bit more detail about what happened between the donkey and the aged man? Like just a small description of the place they are trading in? It feels as if the aged man just popped out of nowhere.
Said should be thought. Or you could add in the quotation marks for talking.
I think you could use a bit more description when the MCs are talking, Connor Said. Lady Pleaded. Could you add in how he said, how the lady pleaded? Some descriptions of their hands? This would all give us some more insight as to our character's personalities.
Overall, I enjoyed this chapter. It has potential, keep on writing!
-S.s
Yay review time! Ok firstly your intro pre story has a few grammatical mistakes I won't give. However yuk do encourage u to enjoy this piece which is absolutely what happened!
I would make a few suggestions...
...They had to cultivate more land, harvest more food as the population of Gregteness began to fluctuate. ...
Try restructuring this sentence. Reverse the order, place the "as the population of gregteness began to inflate wildly, they were forced to cultivate more land and raise more livestock."
See what happened? Fluctuate suggests that the population decreases too, by using inflate, I remove that possibility. What else? Cultivate and harvest are the same overreaching activity: agriculture. What we want is more livestock, meat for the masses!
...‘Ah… the setting sun sure made the sky bright orange. Reminds me of the tomato soup that your mother used to cook for you, Connor.’...
Use the same tense. Makes instead of made. Better?
...Pap said dreamingly towards the sky, then followed with a cry....
This has problems. Then followed by a cry is very unwieldy. Try reconstructing this sentence to better fit the mood.
...“Thank you! Thank you. !”...
Double punctuation. Try not to do that.
Overall this piece has great potential!
Keep up the good work!!
This story is excellent! I really enjoyed reading it right form the minute I read the prologue, and I am really looking forward to more chapters to come!

That fanboy moment complete... I must say the way you have written this is very different to the writing style I am subjected to in school and in other books, but nonetheless I really like it, it allows me to clearly picture the events that are going on, and that is my idea of a good read.
Also, I am really getting connected to the characters, I hope to see more in the future.
Thank you for posting this!
Jack
Haha thank you for enjoying this story
I will be writing more ^.^ in time XD