A flower sitting by the windowsill trying to reach for the little bit of light shining through the closed curtains. The flower used to be beautiful, young and full of hope as it sprouted through the well wet soil ready to shine, ready catch the eye of anyone that walked past by. It was promised love and protection, but protection turned into jealousy exploiting the flower's youth making sure it was forced to stay. As the flower watched its youth being lowered into the ground it was no longer more than a drought up silhouette of the beauty it used to be. The flower was more than ready to give up the hope that someone will give it the care it needs. Slowly letting itself fold and accepting the peace it would soon receive.
It’s the weekend and you’re longing for a drink to ease the weight of living. You walk into the kitchen to grab a glass wine. As you reach for the glass your eyes are caught by your shriveled precious flower with the Reaper kneeled by its side. Depriving the peace, it was about to gain you pour it a glass of your own pain fueling its hope with your own addiction as you praise it giving it strength to live. Assuring it that this time would be different by giving it a thousand reasons to believe. Rooted into the pot it has no other choice but to stay. Spitefully straightening itself up as it should never have been your choice to make.
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140,456 Literary Works • 673,226 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
This is a short but very powerful little piece here telling quite the arduous tale underneath what appears to be the very simple act of a flower not being watered enough until the last moment when someone appears and waters it saving it at the last moment.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
First of all, a late welcome to YWS. I hope you enjoy your time here! And let's get to the actual review now!
OOoh this is beautiful little start here. The idea of a simple flower that's precious and young and full of hope and ready to witness the world. Its a beautiful metaphor for how the promise of simple love and protection can turn into something so horrible and I think you've painted a beautiful picture there that really captures this message very well. The folding of the flower as it eventually is simply left with acceptance is the perfect touchstone there at the end to show what becomes of it at the end. Really nicely done there.
Oooh well this is not a direction I was expecting to see, a touch back to the real world of showcasing an actual flower awaiting the end but mired with a thousand hopes and strengthening it against it will. The line "fueling its hope with your own addiction" I think is particularly amazing there to show how you're sustaining just for your own benefit providing that twisted love and protection and forcing the flower to be sustained even though its own choice is not the same. Powerful words there.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall quite a powerful tale here. I was not expecting to come away with such a deep message from something so simple and I think you've done an excellent job here conveying it through what appears to be at least a couple of layers of meaning there.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hi LittleGirlGone!
I haven't reviewed in a year, oh my goodness! I saw this in the Green Room and I figured I'd try my hand at reviewing again, so here you go!
Ooh, I love this piece! The whole metaphor of the flower and its decay is so vivid, and you’ve done such a great job tying it to human emotions. The way you describe the flower once being full of hope and beauty is a nice perspective change. It really pulls you in! It’s heartbreaking but relatable, and I think we’ve all felt like that flower at some point, right? We've all been there!
You mentioned grammar in your comment, so let's take a look! I don't see any spelling mistakes, but some sentences are wordy. That's not a bad thing! It's something to keep in mind though. "Depriving the peace, it was about to gain" is a good example because it feels off. I understand the point you're making, but the wordiness makes it hard to follow! I noticed a lot of stuff like that.
Back to the story. The shift when the person comes into the scene? So good! I love how you bring in the idea of addiction and how that ties into the flower's survival It’s like the flower is just ready to give up, but then the person comes along. They selfishly give it hope again, but it’s not real hope, you know? It’s the kind of hope that hurts. That line about pouring the flower a glass of your own pain is stunning! It just screams of toxic cycles and wanting to change yourself.
The only thing I was thinking is maybe add a little more about the person’s connection to the flower. I think that would make the ending even more impactful. Then, we’d understand more about why they’re so caught in this cycle with the flower. I wonder if the dynamic is more than a flower and a person, or if the flower represents something else. I'm not sure though! That might be fun to play around with if you ever think about revising this deeper. There is a lot you could explore!
Overall though, this was such a beautifully written piece, and I really enjoyed reading it! There’s so much emotion packed into it. Well done!
— Solstice
Thank you so much!
I would love some feedback since this is my first time publishing anything! I'd especially like any tips with grammar etc since English isn't my first language!