Yesterday was today, which was tomorrow,
Willows bend down to express their sorrow,
Time becomes a riddle,
When it doesn't go by any diferrent.
Hours seem like days,
And minutes like hours,
And even our own logic betrays,
And the act of sincerity sours.
-
-
Change seems to happen everywhere all the time.
And simple routines you go through become a crime.
How do we stand it all?
How do we look in the mirror and not see the face,
Of who we are now,
Who we once were,
We come to a point where we wonder,
How did life become such a blur?
-
-
And we go about our routine day by day,
And at the end, staring at the ceiling we lay,
Wondering what's next.
How long, how short?
We close our eyes,
But sleep comes not to us,
Remembering our past forgotten lies,
And we decide newfound hope is a must.
-
-
And we rise to become the people anew,
And our cries are replaced with a mission so true,
Half over half left,
We act now,
Don't look back, but forward,
It won't take too long,
And keep moving forward, then we're cured,
How could 40 years almost be gone?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I can't really pick out anything that hasn't already been suggested, so I guess I'll just give you my opinion of your poem! And I have to say it's ADORABLE!
This is brilliantly structured and well-written, for me it flows flawlessly and I can view every image you paint because you've kept that beautiful element of mystery in your writing. I'm a SUCKER for mystery!
Absolutely GENIUS!
Can I just point out these beautiful lines:
My favourite fragment of poetry.
Wonderful - Keep writing.
Ben.
Hey there!
I like your creativity in the first line. That caught my attention, hooked me, and made me want to read the rest of your poem.
However, I feel that you did not maintain a suitable continuation, dear. Instead of building on this, you jump to another, and while that could work, I think you need to take the time and digest your images and let them live, because here, there's no chance for them to thrive.
Along the ways of the poem, you kind of jumped from idea to idea,and I think you need to bridge those with words. Make the transition easier for us, because as it stands, it's difficult to understand what you're talking about.
June
I agree with the other posts this was a wonderful poem. I don't really have any nitpicks except there were a few lines that need commas in the middle. It flowed wonderfully and the rhyme was consistent throughout the whole piece. I thought you did a wonderful job showing how even though life seems long it goes by quicker than you think. Good job, you deserve a gold star.
~peanut~
This was a wonderful poem, and it grabbed my attention off the bat. I knew it would be something special from the first line, and truly I love it.
It grips and holds fast until the end, and it takes a lot for me to be interested in a poem to this extreme. I swear for a minute i could actually feel the emotion, and it was scary and amazing at the same time.
At your age being able to write this well is miraculous. Keep up the good work!
Caio,
Kally
I agree with the other review, but I really like this. I think that it was a little long and most readers wont read something that is this long because it drags a lot. Then again some people like long poems haha. Anyway I lied the rhyme sceme, it was very interesting. Other than that it was very nice.
-Flower-
Hello,
I really liked this, the rhythm was consitent except in one place where you wrote
This was a little long and it broke the rhythm and made it hard for the reader to get back into your poem. You just need to do a bit of re-wording and that problem should solve itself!
Other than that I liked it, I havn't seen a poem on a mid-life crisis before so it was a nice change from the usual cliché stuff. I also like the rhyming because it wasn't forced but it went together very well. So well done!
Keep Writing,
~Lydia