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E - Everyone

I wonder

by LiptonCookie, catcha01


I’d like to meet someone right someday

With patience love and care.

A guy who loves a nerdy girl with glasses and ugly hair

I wonder what it’s like to fall in love,

To laugh and cry and sing

With someone you love so tenderly

So much that you’d catch a star for free.

I wonder what it’s like to love somebody,

Someone kind, strong, and brave

But if you don’t have those traits

There’s only my carps to blame

I wonder what it’s like to find true love,

Is it hard like Snow White or Belle’s?

Because I can’t just mill around

As my loved one walks past me and sets sail.

I wonder what it’s like to realize your love left,

Not a note or call received.

Watched them walk out your back door

And left without looking back for me.

I wonder what it’s like to fall in love all over again,

My life before only ended in despair.

I loved him once and loved him twice, always here and there,

But I just hope that someone else comes to break my spell.

I’d like to meet someone right someday

With patience love and care.

A guy who loves a nerdy girl with glasses and ugly hair.

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47 Reviews

Points: 1131
Reviews: 47

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:08 am
RoxieRain wrote a review...



I love this poem. It shows a lot of emotion and it rhymes which and stereotypical as it is are one of my favorite kinds. I also really like how you started and ended the poem with the same lines it really ties the whole poem together. There are only some punctuation's that I would add. But if you intentionally left them out it, it is still really good. I think it would just help the flow a bit better. For example, when you say "With patience love and care" I would put a comma in between 'patience' and 'love.' These edits are totally up to you though, it is your poem and you should only edit what you want. But I hope this helps and you really do have great writing.
Keep up that great writing! :-)
-Roxie Rain




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233 Reviews

Points: 19633
Reviews: 233

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Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:47 pm
Cithara wrote a review...



Nerdy glasses and ugly hair ;)
I often ask myself some of these questions as well which is why I LOVED THIS.
Yes. Okay moving to Critique:
Overall the rhythm in this poem was fairly smooth however there were a few lines that were inconsistent. Just work on the flow of the poem. I really can't single out a line that needs serous changing.
But don't listen to me.
Anyway I absolutely love the subject of the poem therefore I enjoyed reading the poem itself.
No spelling or grammatical errors.
Bravo!
Keep Writing :D




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52 Reviews

Points: 467
Reviews: 52

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Wed Jun 18, 2014 3:49 pm
catcha01 wrote a review...



OMG OMG OMG I LOVED THIS POEM!!
(Even though I helped and read it already) I cried, this was just so beautiful. The poem and the structure is just so relateable. People who have experienced love for someone who doesn't love them back and is waiting for that person. I think thats a topic we can all relate to. I know I said it already, but this poem was truly wonderful. It flowed perfectly and had a nice rhythm when read out loud. Good job!
Keep Writing!
~Catcha01





I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor