Barefoot
Dancing on soft peddles against laying upon old stones
A dress that bellows
A well dressed fellow
And a closed door
No one to harsh their mellows
In each others hearts they've settled
And now no more
Will they need another
Warmth on their skin in passing winters
Their waters cooling each other in the summer's night
No more shadow cats
No more dancing mice in top hats
No more chains to break
Untethered to the world as paradise falls upon them in a bang
That dress is worn
That suit is missing buttons
But they don't care, it doesn't matter what they cannot see
Flies in the dark are born to fly free
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem. is STUNNING. I absolutely love the dreamy Alice-In-Wonderland-like mood, and the imagery in this incredible.
“A dress that bellows/A well dressed fellow/And a closed door.” This creation of a rhyme scheme and the gentle breaking of it just adds to the confusing and dreamy mood. It’s unpredictable in the best way, and the way you use words in this poem is incredibly creative.
“No more shadow cats/No more dancing mice in top hats/No more chains to break.” LOVELY. LOVELY. AAAAAAAA. I LOVE how interpretive this is- anyone can put a story to it, and with a poem like this, that story is destined to be great.
“Flies in the dark are born to fly free.” This line is so incredibly beautiful. I want to tattoo it on the backs of my eyelids so I can see it every time I blink.
Overall, absolutely zero critiques. I LOVE this poem, it’s beautiful, and I thank you for writing this.
Hey!
I love this poem - the language, imagery and themes are truly beautiful! You feel as though you're there by a firelight watching and feeling every emotion that you are trying to convey with your word choices so well done for that! My favourite lines are the last two "But they don't care, it doesn't matter what they cannot see, Flies in the dark are born to fly free" - by tying your poem up with these lines you truly hit hard the key message that you're trying to show so well done! This poem definitely makes you have a calm and chill feeling inside
Keep writing!
Wow... I love this poem Its so beautiful. I love how you conveyed the message that their presence with each other was enough not needing to be freshly dressed or up to date just take in the present moments of loving each other and feeling each others presence. I also think I see a message about freedom? I could be wrong but the beauty of writing is that many people get different things. This poem personally made me feel calm and warm inside. Great job! It's incredibly beautiful.
I haven't done any reviews before, but I think that this was a really beautiful poem and I liked the message that love prevails over money and materialism. I loved the line 'Flies in the dark are born to fly free' because I think it represents the importance of freedom. This is what I've interpreted at least. I can't see much improvement necessary, but if there was, perhaps with the line 'their waters cooling each other in the summer's night' perhaps you could create a line where you highlight that they quench each other's thirst for love or something like that. It's a really beautiful poem though.
Thank you for the review%uD83E%uDD13 I really appreciate it.