A breath of wind awakens them,
Stirring their silver bodies into motion.
Confused, they fly about
In the balmy air
Reveling in the miracle of their own existence
Though why they are here they know not.
Metal strikes metal.
A symphony of notes sounds in the air,
Some elegant and beautiful,
Others brash and painful.
The wind dies down
And they settle into sleep once more.
Their fleeting display forgotten
As the universe continues on...
We are those wind chimes.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thanks for reading it. I'm glad you liked it. I'll take what you said into consideration.
it is a very nice poem. the deatail in this short poem is amazing. all though the last line is slightly wrong.
you cant be "we" and "those"...its like being the person watching them and being them. i say take away those and make it
"Poetry is like the sun, As is writen down it only becomes more beautiful"as said by "shooting-star"
Wow, I really liked this! There are a few things I can catch that need a bit of improvement, however.
Good, unusual adjective, but the rest of the poem seems so graceful and elegant, and this just... was kind of cumbersome for me personally. I suggest another adjective, though if you like the way it sounds, I suggest keeping it. (No one knows writing as well as its writer, anyways
The poem doesn't rhyme, so I don't see why you would see a need to make it this way. If you were trying to get a rhyme in, it would work, but in this specific case it just sounds silly. Why not change it to "Though they do not know why they are here'.
Again, this is kind of cumbersome, and certainly pretty bland compared to the rest of the lines. I suggest taking it out all together, but if you don't want to, I highly recommend putting some adjectives and changing the line around a bit.
Overall, it really reflects the way wind chimes are, and the way people are, as you seemed to relate at the end of the poem. Oh yes, LOVED the ending, by the way. Absolutely loved it. Many kudos for you!
Glad I got a chance to read your work,
<3 Emily