Published October 2, 2017
Inside me is a
boiling brass kettle
screaming on a hot stove.
As if a frantic teapot
Could be contained
without spilling over.
As if the shrill cry of a
steaming pot bawling
on the burners
could be muffled.
Inside me is tiny China.
Teacups clack
against matching plates.
I mean to control
my tremors and cries.
I was raised
by soothing chamomile,
but I never liked
the aftertaste.
My mother taught
my mouth to close.
Would you rather
spend the rest of eternity
with your body trapped
on a blazing burner or
with hot water
drowning you
from the inside out?
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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi there! Here to leave a review
) has helped in some way.
Overall, I really really like this poem. I think it's very honest and truthful and this is a very clever way of conveying emotion through such an ordinary object. I love it! Plus, I love a good cup of tea so this pleases me very much
The structure of the poem is very well done. The enjambment helps to a create a conversational tone and allows the story to be told fluently with a good flow and rhythm to it. Keeping it in blank verse is a good choice as well, as again, it helps the poem to flow better. Also, the story doesn't need to be separated into different stanzas as it is conveyed best in one piece than several parts.
Your imagery is good. The constant repetition of sounds and onomatopoeia helps the reader to envisage the story being told and it's a nice way of illustrating the pain and anguish the narrator is experiencing. Sound imagery is a very neat way of portraying a character and you've used it well. As I've probably already said, the metaphor of a teapot is an excellent way of describing the inner emotions of and conflict within the narrator. Plus, the simplicity of the vocabulary makes it easy to read and understand, although, I would say you have room to add more sophisticated language choice to really emphasise your message and create a more vivid image for the reader.
I would say on the fifth line, remove the capital C from 'Could' as it's the only thing which disrupts the structure. Other than that, you've done a super job! I hope my review (or rather, bucket load of compliments
KayLou1609
Thank you! I appreciate your review
it's very helpful
Hello Linguistic! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
{i}nside me is a
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = random Kara comments.
Spoiler
boiling brass kettle
screaming on a hot stove.
{a}s if a frantic teapot
{c}ould be contained
without spilling over.
{a}s if the shrill cry of a
steaming pot bawling
on the burners
could be muffled.
{i}nside me is tiny {c}hina. {When you're talking about the noun, "China" is lowercase}
{t}eacups clack
against matching plates.
I mean to control
my tremors and cries.
I was raised
by soothing chamomile,
but I never liked
the aftertaste.
{m}y mother taught
my mouth to close.
{w}ould you rather
spend the rest of eternity
with your body trapped
on a blazing burner or
with hot water
drowning you
from the inside out?
Wow, this is... actually really good! Your message is very easily put across and the only issue is with flow (you either capitalize every line or don't capitalize every line). The imagery is also clearly given! Great job!
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
Thank you, that's very helpful!
Yo welcome
It is a review.
wow! very nice my friend.In a short place you explained your inner sorrows.So easy way and I really liked it.Some people use so hard ,rude words to explain their emotions .But you choose very easy words.These easy simple words easily touch people's feelings.You know, it is a quality .I wanna say it is God gifted;). I really wanna see your great creations in YWS. Good luck my friend.