Published January 14, 2005
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Why did you delete it? I came back, when it wasn't so late to edit it, and it's gone!
Um, okay. I guess I get it now.
Thank you. 'Cries' is a good suggestion. And actually it is with my life. Since the poem is referring to actual physical cuts I'm saying that each cut is 'stained' with a part of my life. Make sense?
In my opinion, you should take out the "But." It isn't really needed. Also, stained with my life? Hm, I'm not sure exactly what you mean by this. However, perhaps you could change it to in my life or on my life. Either way, I suggest it'd be clarified. Also, yes, "screams" is slightly cliche. Perhaps you could go with "cries."
Other than that, it was a slightly above average poem. Gave me an interesting feeling. Not really my style, but I guess I could say I liked it.
Hey! I read that in your signature earlier! It seemed ... deep it could relate to it, although it's probably not for the same reason that inspired it.
It seems a little forced in the middle, but that's the bit you took out for you sig. isn't it? Overall I liked it, I'm not the best poetry editor, stories are more my field, so I'll come back and try to edit it proply when it's not so late here.